Move Creation Workshop

[Dane Regan]

@Jams: Your move is good, if not for the fact it'd usually be physically impossible (since something thrown at 15 feet per second can reach a maximum distance of ~7ft, and ~11ft when thrown from 2m above ground level). So while your move technically works, you might want to up the launch speed to something like 60 feet per second (maybe higher if you want). And then simply not give a max range, but state it flies in an arc.

[Jams Bolero]

Broom Head Toss
300 OM
Jams unscrews the head of his broom (or picks it up if screwed off during battle) and throws it at his opponent. The head itself is about 9 inches from the bristles to the base, and a foot wide. It weighs 10 ounces. The base is made of a hard plastic akin to a quality Nerf gun, and the bristles are rigid and pointy. It can be thrown when stationary or mobile, though moving will have an impact on accuracy. When thrown, it moves though the air at a rate of 55 feet per second in an arc. This is a fairly weak attack.

I believe the average velocity for Nerf Elite darts is 70 ft/s, so I could use that as potential reference when making moves in the future. These are good tips, I'm taking notes.

Also, it may be inconsequential, but 1) it's something obviously possible with a broom that Jams could not do, 2) I plan to update the broom in the future to reflect if the head is popped off, 3) I need to understand the basics of writing moves before going all fancy shmancy with telekinesis (unless you guys like me giving you headaches through my ineptitude), and 4) Jams thrives off of making stupid stuff work. It doesn't do much damage, but it could work as an effective taunt or distraction.

[Dane Regan]

@Jams: Looks good. Just add that it requires ranged proficiency at the top of the description, by the OM cost. Then you're good.

[James Knight]

Buccaneer Blade (300 Om, Physical Strength.) 

An elegant Calvary sword that was created by Warren to provide him a tool for melee. It's gray colored, with a purple blade. Summoning it takes ten seconds, but the sword is capable of matching with any augmented sword, provided it is not more powerful than he is. It can also be used by him like a lightsaber, though he prefers to use it as if it were a normal sword for some odd reason. 


(Second one.)

[Dane Regan]

@Warren:
From the moves page of the rules (and the top posts of the Move Approval thread).

• How big is the weapon? Length is required for all melee weapons, width should be included for axe-heads, greatsword blades or other very large weapons. Examples: "The sword is about two and a half feet long total." "The sword is about five feet long, and a foot in thickness at the base of the blade."

[James Knight]

Buccaneer Blade (300 Om, Physical Strength.) 

An elegant Calvary sword that was created by Warren to provide him a tool for melee. It's gray colored, with a purple blade. Summoning it takes ten seconds, but the sword is capable of matching with any augmented sword, provided it is not more powerful than he is. It can also be used by him like a lightsaber, though he prefers to use it as if it were a normal sword for some odd reason. The blade is about 35 inches long. The Buccaneer Blade could be used with any moves, so long as he has a hand free to hold the sword for himself. 

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Warren: One comment. "It can also be used by him like a lightsaber, though he prefers to use it as if it were a normal sword" what do you mean by this? Is there a difference between the two?

[James Knight]

Buccaneer Blade (300 Om, Physical Strength, Debuff) 

An elegant Calvary sword that was created by Warren to provide him a tool for melee. It's gray colored, with a purple blade. Summoning it takes ten seconds, but the sword is capable of matching with any augmented sword, provided it is not more powerful than he is. It can also be used by him like a lightsaber, though he prefers to use it as if it were a normal sword for some odd reason. The blade is about 35 inches long. The Buccaneer Blade could be used with any moves, so long as he has a hand free to hold the sword for himself. The lightsaber like form of the blade requires 6 seconds to charge up, but in return for that can do damage that would last 3-5 seconds to the arms, or legs, or anywhere the blade is touched because of the searing plasma of the sword. However this is not accessible in regular sword mode, which is what he normally keeps it in. Switching takes 4 seconds for him. 

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Warren: Sorry for not being specific. I actually just meant for you to tell me what the difference was rather than adding to your move. In other words, I just wanted to know what you thought the difference between using it like a lightsaber and using it like a sword was - unless it was just an offhanded flavour comment.

[James Knight]

Basically when he uses it as a Lightsaber - Debuff. When not, no debuff.

[Takanomiya Hijiri]

Buccaneer Blade (300 Om, Physical Strength, Debuff) 

An elegant Calvary sword that was created by Warren to provide him a tool for melee. It's gray colored, with a purple blade. Summoning it takes ten seconds, but the sword is capable of matching with any augmented sword, provided it is not more powerful than he is. It can also be used by him like a lightsaber, though he prefers to use it as if it were a normal sword for some odd reason. The blade is about 35 inches long. The Buccaneer Blade could be used with any moves, so long as he has a hand free to hold the sword for himself. The lightsaber like form of the blade requires 6 seconds to charge up, but in return for that can do damage that would last 3-5 seconds to the arms, or legs, or anywhere the blade is touched because of the searing plasma of the sword. However this is not accessible in regular sword mode, which is what he normally keeps it in. Switching takes 4 seconds for him. 

The way you've written this it would require 600 OM, since the lightsaber mode is a charged-up version of the basic sword.

Also:
- What's this about damage lasting 3-5 seconds? Damage doesn't just vanish mid-fight.
- You've included a whole bunch of unnecessary details that can be omitted.
- Why does it require Debuff?

Here's how I'd suggest writing it:

Buccaneer Blade (600)
(Physical Strength)
An elegant cavalry sword with a grey hilt and 35-inch-long purple blade, which weighs 1kg. Rather than keeping this weapon in a scabbard, Warren instead summons it from scratch whenever he wishes to use it, in a process which requires 10 seconds, during which time he can move about as normal but cannot attack with the hand in which he will be holding it. After this charging period has elapsed, the sword appears in a flash of purple light. In this basic mode it functions no differently from any other sword of the same type.
In addition, however, Warren can choose at any point to take a further 6 seconds to imbue the weapon with his energy, which is moderately draining to do. Using this function causes the blade to begin glowing with green light as it slowly transforms into superheated plasma. After the charging has completed, it also starts to crackle with what looks like green electricity. In this form the sword is much more powerful, even being capable of slicing through armour as strong as steel, though it instantly cauterises any wounds it inflicts, preventing those injured by it from suffering blood loss.

-------------

I'm not sure if the plasma is supposed to be green or purple?
Also, if you want to use Leo's image you'd be better cropping it to the right size so that it only shows the version that you intend to use.

[Marisa Kirisame]

Non-directional laser (300) (requires ranged, area attack, area defense)
Marisa will charge up for 2.5 seconds before a set of four lasers will circle around her like the earth around the sun. (the lasers go to a max distance of 15 feet, are 3 feet wide and spin around at a speed of 25 mph. And are 5 feet away from her.) Also while the attack in in progress; five pronged stars (1 inch wide, long, and thick.) Will fly in a random pattern from her body in all direction for 100 feet spreading out farther from one another as the distance increases (there is 100 of them). The attack lasts for 30 seconds; and she can’t attack with another move. She can only use this once per battle and must go 10 mph slower; plus the energy and concentration is fair (like doing some basic warm ups). The move is to deter the opponents from getting in close and to keep them on there feet, and as such won't do a lot of damage.

[Dane Regan]

@Marisa: How fast do the stars go? Saying "they travel 100ft in 30 seconds is fine.

Do the stars travel up, or just out in a ring sideways?

Also:

the lasers go to a max distance of 15 feet, are 3 feet wide and spin around at a speed of 25 mph. And are 5 feet away from her

And:

The attack lasts for 30 seconds

I think you should reword some things her. Or cut something out. At the moment there's two distances for how far the ribbons go from Marisa - unless the 15 ft one was for how far they travel (but then, they'd finish long before 30 seconds are up).

Lastly, you don't need area defense. There's no shield here, and the defensive lasers are just attacks. Unless you want them to be durable and deflect attacks or something.

So, maybe something like:

Non-directional laser (300) (requires ranged, area attack)
Marisa will charge up for 2.5 seconds before a set of four lasers will circle around her like the earth around the sun. (the lasers are 3 feet wide and spin around at a speed of 25 mph. And are 5 feet away from her.) Also while the attack in in progress; five pronged stars (1 inch wide, long, and thick.) Will fly sideways in a random pattern from her body in all direction for 100 feet spreading out farther from one another as the distance increases (there is 100 of them). The attack lasts for 30 seconds - the stars reach the 100ft distance once this time; she can’t attack with another move until this move finishes, and she can't cancel this move. She can only use this once per battle and must go 10 mph slower while charging or using it; the energy and concentration is fair (like doing some basic warm ups). The move is to deter the opponents from getting in close and to keep them on their feet, and as such won't do a lot of damage.

[Marisa Kirisame]

Got a move im working on  for a npc that is basically done.

Puppeteer (1500 Om) (requires ranged proficiency, melee proficiency, remote control, Area attack)
Alice is a puppeteer and as such has great control of puppets. She can control up to ten at a time and doesn’t need to keep her attention on a single doll for much longer than a second at most meaning she can multi-task with ease. She can outfit her dolls with a slew of weapons before a fight begins. The max distance of each doll is about 50 feet and the move at a speed of 40 mph. Each doll is connected with strings meaning that if they are too be cut then they would lose any use for Alice). She must have a fair bit of concentration reserved to all ten doll's (it depends on how many is out at a time also since one doll isn't that concentration intensive). Each doll is as durable as a fairly durable piece of iron (due to some enchantments increasing there durability in a combat situation). She can move at a max of 10 mph but will mostly walk at a brisk walking pace. She doesn't get exhausted physically but mentally it puts a strain on her. She can fight unhindered using all ten dolls for ten minutes max (before she starts to have trouble controlling her dolls, 15 minutes as a hard cap), five dolls unhindered for 20 (25 as a hard cap) and one doll for 30 minutes (35 is the  hard cap for one doll).

The weapon’s of choice are a Bow (with a quiver of 50 arrows of 2 inches in length and fly at the speed of a typical arrow.), Axe (3.5 inches in length for the head and swings quite fast as it’s based on a wood cutting axe), Sword and shield (the sword is 5 inches  in length and one handed and the shield is 3 inches in width and 4.5  inches in width and can be used to protect a doll or alice.); Lance (the lance is 6 inches in length for the actual lance and 2 inches for the handle and requires 2 hands to properly use.) And the dolls can fire five square shaped danmaku bullets in most cases if they have two free hands.(5 inches in diameter and fly’s at the speed of a bullet.)

I think i got the cost right and area attack is because each doll are technically a independent entity 

[Dane Regan]

I'll get to reviewing the main move later (if no one else does). But cost wise:
300 - Variable doll count.
300 - Bow
300 - Axe
300 - Sword + Shield
300 - Lance
300 - Danmaku bullets

So I think this should be 1800 OM. If you're on a budget, maybe cut down on the weapons. (Why bother with a bow if they can have bullets - or vice versa. And you could also cut out the Sword+Shield/Axe/Lance or something as well, to scrape some more OM off the cost.)

Also, area attack is for AoE. Things with splash damage and such. So this doesn't need it.

[Dane Regan]

@Marisa:
>How long does it take to summon the dolls? Or does she just 'have' them?
>What's the fire rate for the bullets? And is that 5 bullets per doll? Can they ever get more?
>Iron is too strong for the durability, in my opinion. Especially if you have 10 of them. Piercing metal is quite high on the chart for general ATK requirements. Maybe pick something else.
>Instead of having hard caps like that, consider just having limitations on what Marisa can do depending on the number of dolls she's using. Naturally, using and summoning more dolls uses more stamina, bit you don't need a max duration. Once something gets above 5-10 minutes or so, it's probably better to just pin the responsibility of deciding when a character is too tired to use a move anymore on the writer, rather than trying to count time.
>Consider trying to adapt the existing undead summoning move on the move rules page. All the work has been done for you. You've just got to add to and change any weapons there, and modify the wording a little bit. But it should easily work for your purposes.

[Koehler]

Seele Schneider (900 OM) (Requires Physical, Ranged, and Area Attack Proficiencies)
Image

[spoiler]
A Quincy weapon of considerable potency, it drains the spiritual energy in the atmosphere to form a blade that oscillates rapidly, akin to a chainsaw, making it effective in slicing through other objects and energy-based attacks with an ease relative to their size. The denser the attack or object, the more difficult it is to cut through. Thus, it is only effective against weaker attacks and defenses.

Cole’s version of the weapon differs from the norm, as he modernized its design to make it compatible with his Quincy bow. While its base form and sword form are similar, it being a thin, long hilt with a hook at the end with no guard on top, from where the long, thin, straight, 60 cm double-edged blade. The hilt takes a moment to materialize, with the blade then taking an additional four seconds to fully form, but doing so only requires a moderate amount of focus, permitting movement in an intense battle.

The weapon features a passive charge-up as it is active in its blade form, over time gathering energy for a singular purpose. Unlike the original, its charge-up does not gain boosts for cutting through enemy attacks. Overall, it takes a solid minute for it to be ready. If the energy blade is destroyed, its charge-up is paused until the blade can be reformed, taking the same amount of time as before. If the hilt is destroyed, however, the whole charge is lost.

As the blade charges, Cole is unable to draw upon energy around him as easily to reload or charge up attacks. Other techniques requiring such, such as Sutakira, are flat out unusable. Meanwhile, the reload time on his Quincy Bow is doubled, effectively reducing its fire rate. Furthermore, if one of them is destroyed, it requires double the time to rematerialize it. Not to even mention that he’s reduced to one, at most, given that he needs a free-hand for the sword.

When fully charged, Cole may use other techniques once again. Furthermore, he can transform the blade and hilt into an iridescent bullet of energy, load it into one of his magnums, and fire it. The resulting attack is highly potent compared to Cole’s normal bolts, creating a round that soars through the air, cutting through obstacles and weak defenses with ease due to the bullet retaining the chainsaw nature of the blade it was born from, until it hits the target with heavy force. It further creates an explosion from the point of contact, sending out shards of energy as shrapnel in an area of twelve feet in diameter by six in height, effectively making it a small grenade. The bullet itself does not track nor shift in its flightpath, and travels at the same speed as a bullet.

The Seele Schneider will be a requirement for techniques that alter its functionality.
[/spoiler]

Cost determined by:
-300 OM base
-300 OM for cutting through enemy attacks
-300 OM for charge-up and bullet form.
Correct me if I'm wrong.

Furthermore, I wanted suggestions for the size of the detonation on top of general thoughts. I don't think I missed anything, but I could be wrong. Also, I’m thinking I need another drawback or two to justify the move. Also, for the frag grenade aspect, I wanted thoughts on the size of the affected area.

[James Knight]

Got a move I want to make for Warren, but it's sorta complex. It will take all the existing Battle Chips, and allow Warren to use them, even Dark Chips. 
Not sure where to begin, and here is it's looks. 

[13-Jzall]

[spoiler]The red axe: 300 OM, requires melee prof


A red, oversized omnissian axe which is about 1 and a half meters high with a cog shaped blade. It is used as a heavy chopping device to get through armour but it can't be used quickly or with as much skill. Because it's unwieldy, its main use is keeping enemies away so 13 can have more room to use his guns. It is attached to 13's back by a magnet in his spine, it takes 3 seconds to take out and put back.

Mechendrite harness: 300 OM, requires hive mind

13's body is covered in mechendrites, small metal arms that can be used to hold and fire up to two of his ranged weapons at once. If 13 is firing with the mechandrite guns and has one in his hand he will have to fire much slower and it will be more inaccurate because of how much concentration he needs to use multiple weapons at once.


Torison cannon: 900 OM, requires debuff, physical and ranged


13 takes 5 seconds to morph his arm, or arm like appendage, into a large circular cannon the colour of bronze. It can only be shot accurately while 13 is standing still. It sends out a bolt that will trap an opponent depending on their SPD and DEF vs 13's TEC and ATK, surrounding with blue, glowing rings rotating around the enemy 5 cm or more away from their body. It will deal above average damage and while an opponent is trapped it will deal low amounts of damage as the torison cannon contorts their body parts. In extreme cases it can snap an enemy's neck or tear off their limbs, such as agianst a weak secondary or as a finishing move. It only has 1 shot in the barrel and reloading takes 10 seconds. Because the barrel is heavy and accurately aiming is difficult, an enemy could attack 13's arm and disrupt the shot. It only takes 5 seconds to charge (which counts as it reloading) but if 13 wants it to hit he'll have to spend an extra 10 seconds aiming which will give enemies time to attack him. 13 can also use it as a makeshift club but only if he has no other option. If he fires at an enemy that is already trapped then it will deal the impact damage but will not deal additional trapping damage or make it last longer. No matter how badly the cannon twists an enemy's limbs, they will always be able to shoot as well as they would be able to while under pain.



Master psyker (X00) requires ranged prof, ranged materialize prof, telepathy, homing, area defense

The Emperor can use up to 5 powers per round and each power once except for smite, it is taxing on his body and all of his concentration must be on the move to use it.

Terrifying visions, The emperor fills the mind of an enemy with visioins of torment and what scares them most, making them more likely to keep their distance and attack less for 30 seconds depending on their TEC vs The Emperor's TEC. This takes 15 seconds to charge and will not be as effective against foes with suppression or enhanced senses.

Gaze of the Emperor, The emperor's eyes blaze in vengeful fury and as his rage is made manifest and he shoots twin red beams through his eyes at the nearest target. It will almost always pierce the target but will only deal the amount of damage that would've happened if it dissipated on the enemy's skin. He can not move his head while using this move and the beam only extends 20 metres. It takes 10 seconds to charge up and can be detected by fire appearing in The Emperor's empty eye socket.

Smite, Lightning shoots from The emperor's skull, hitting and shocking an enemy. This can be used multiple times but it becomes more and more difficult to use each time. This takes 5 seconds to charge with each consecutive use adding another 2 seconds to the charge time. The difficulty will reset as the round ends.

Psychic barrier, The emperor forms a psychic barrier surrounding an ally which will make them be slightly less affected by every enemy attack at the expense of a higher energy cost to The emperor. This takes 15 seconds to charge and will be shown by the ally being covered in a clear blue substance that coverse their body.

Nightshroud, The Emperor summons a shadow out of the warp, covering an area in a 12 feet high and wide bubble. From outside, it will look like a section of the world is now in twilight but people inside will see the rest of the battlefield in sunset levels of light. This takes 10 seconds to charge and will fade after a minute, enemies with enhanced senses will be able to completely ignore the bubble.

I'm not going to buy all of those at once but they're the powers I'll start off with[/spoiler]

[Dane Regan]

@Warren:
I can't help you if I don't know what you want to move to do specifically. Also, remember, you won't have actual dark chips. You're not doing DD, and those aren't reusable. But you can try and replicate some of them and use them as inspiration. Just make sure you've got appropriate drawbacks.

@13:
Red Axe:
>How big is the axe head?

Harness:
>Is it durable? Could it be attacked and broken? How accurate are the harness guns (it's unclear whether it's just him that shoots inaccurately)?

Cannon:
>This is 600. Trapping shot and hitting people with the cannon.
>How fast does the shot go?
>How long does it take to escape?
>How durable are the rings, could someone else attack them?
>Is there anything to stop someone phasing or teleporting out?
>You can hit with it without paying the 300 OM, it would just be a really weak (incidental) weapon. So since you're writing it like that, you might want to go for that instead and save the 300 OM.

Master:
>5 powers per round ain't a drawback. Because you'll never use it that often in one post. You might as well cut that bit out.
>Do all of there require concentration or is it just "stand there for X seconds and a thing will happen"?
>Visions: This needs Debuff. What's the range?
>Gaze: How fast does the beam go?
>Smite: Is this homing or not? How fast does the lightning go?
>Barrier: This needs buff. What do you mean by "higher energy cost to The Emperor"? How long does it last? Does it need concentration to keep up? Also, this doesn't even look like a shield, just "teammate starts taking a bit less damage", so you should clarify that.
>Shroud: Seems alright.
>Why do you need ranged materialise?

Advice: Get some stuff with lower charge times otherwise a dude with a sword could just get up in your face and stop you using all this.