Need a little assistance with my Void Quest

[Amaterasu]

I realize that it's a little cold to be posting this thread on the same day that Ezrihel announces that she'll be leaving the Omniverse for a while. Ezzy, if you happen to read this I'm sorry - and again, I wish you all the best with what's going on in your life, and I sincerely hope that things work out for you! It's just that I am a little impatient and want to get the rewritten void quest underway.

To get those unaware updated on this subject: Ezrihel has read my original Void Quest for Amaterasu (read here), and determined that it's not sufficient to pass as it is. I decided to rewrite the entire quest from the ground up as opposed to tacking on more words to the end. She gave me some feedback and suggestions for improvement for that second go. Once the new rewritten Void Quest is ready for posting the old posts I linked to above will be wiped.

I want to ask if there is any staffer (preferably someone who grades quests :o) who could poke through my current plans for my rewritten Void Quest to point out if they see any glaring errors? Just to be clear: I don't need you to read any part of what I've written or re-written, but rather go through the summary (refer to the post below). I moreso want a second opinion to make it less likely that I fail a second time. Can't guarantee that I won't fail of course, but an unbiased opinion from the outside would be greatly appreciated!

[Amaterasu]

Bumping, and also to clarify: I would only need someone (ideally someone who grades quests, and/or who is a better writer than me!) who can take a look at my current plans for the void quest to tell me if I'm "going down the right road" for this, as the problem with my first stab at the quest was that especially the first part (traveling to the mountain) was a little too "easy", as Amaterasu doesn't have enough reputation with the dwarves to be able to hire an expedition team to aid her for that way.

I do not need someone to read the entire thing I've written so far, be that the "old" void quest, or what I am rewriting for the new one.

Here's my current plans (spoilered to avoid people spoiling themselves if they want to read the quest):
[spoiler]
-Amaterasu sees a mural in Dwarfholm showing a void gate. It was made by a dwarf called Glod who coincidentally is the father of Urist, a dwarf that Amaterasu helped out previously.

-The mural stirs something in her, convincing her that it is not a depiction made by someone hit by insanity (as most dwarves believe Glod to have been when he did the mural) but the truth. She decides to speak with the old dwarf to get some information.

-Accompaigned by Oki and Fiara (Secondaries from Amaterasu's world) as well as Urist, they travel to Silverrock, the town where Glod lives, hoping that Urist can speak to his father and get him to be helpful. Urist is in for the quest so that he can prove that his father never went insane, by journeying to the void gate.

-They arrive at the town and find Glod. He is generally unhelpful. They resolve to take their time.

-Using her Prime Powers Amaterasu builds up town/repairs damages from troll attacks a little hoping to get the favor of the inhabitants.

-The group speaks with Glod (few results: he denies things, contradicts himself, eventiually chases them out and later has a mental breakdown/blabbers incoherent bits of information)

-Soon the town is attacked (trolls? Giants?) triggering PTSD on several inhabitants. They’re fended off with some difficulty and with aid from Amaterasu and co.

-It turns out that the town is kind of a “retirement community” where the dwarves of the Omniverse leave mentally deranged dwarves or those who are no longer useful to the community, such as because they're too old to work. This saves precious space in Dwarfholm and the closer villages. Urist is aware of this, but can’t do much about it.

-Amaterasu & co. are understandably angered, eventually Ammy summons several Clay warriors, Yukionnas and a few servant spirits to work at the village to support the community and fend off attacks at least temporarily. (This may later be used as a plot hook for Silverrock to be turned into where Amaterasu has her base)

-Glod and the other dwarves are psychologically treated (PTSD and mental illnesses). How? (ideas: Forced to face fears? Urist promises to clear his name? (Anti-depressants not possible because of technology) )

-They eventually forced to leave without finishing things up, leaving only makeshift fortifications and underwhelming numbers of Secondary defenders. (later plot element in the Halls of Sin - refer to below)

-The Halls of Sin largely remain the same as they do in the original void quest, with some changes here & there:
-Lust should be made harder. Possibly place several incubi who separate the group and awaken carnal desires? This should be rewritten entirely (the gender swap can be kept!)
-Envy is kept the same. Possibly change minor details. Urist is left out, but used as a later plot hook in Sloth.
-Wrath should have more physical confrontation - slapping, shoving, hitting. Could be that Amaterasu gets shoved backwards by Fiara?
-Gluttony can be kept the same.
-Pride can be kept the same.
-Sloth should be reworked entirely around Urist revealing what he saw in Envy and giving up like the others as a result (flashback?). He saw other dwarves mocking him for being the son of an insane man and running away from it trying to live a regular life (traveling merchant) and now descending into insanity trying to prove the same thing that his father was borderline excommunicated for. His idea of giving up is to drop everything because it's hopeless.
-Greed should be reworked to offer each one of them the thing they wish for (Urist gets proof of the void gate and medicine for Glod etc.), which they have to leave behind.

-Parts between the seven halls must be doublechecked to take more reference to each hall.

-The entire quest must be doublechecked to write more from a 3rd-person perspective of Ammy and co instead of a top-down one.[/spoiler]

[Omni]

Speaking personally, as long as IC the events aren't portrayed to take place in a matter of hours or days (it should be weeks, at least) I will simply look at word count and the quality of the writing. Your stuff sounds good.