Move Creation Workshop

[Marisa Kirisame]

Puppeteer (1800 Om) (requires ranged proficiency, melee proficiency, remote control)

Alice is a puppeteer and as such has great control of puppets. She can control up to ten at a time (she has them on her but it takes a second each to activate them so to speak); and doesn’t need to keep her attention on a single doll for much longer than a second or two. She can outfit her dolls with a slew of weapons before a fight begins. The max distance of each doll is about 50 feet and the move at a speed of 40 mph. Each doll is connected with strings meaning that if they are too be cut then they would lose any use for Alice. Each doll is as durable as a fairly durable piece of plastic (due to some enchantments increasing there durability in a combat situation). 

She can move at ten miles per hour maximum, no matter how many dolls are on the field. But the more dolls that are in use the more strain on her mind and energy that will be used. She can use all ten dolls for ten minutes before the dolls will just stiffen up and stop moving. The weapon’s of choice are a Bow (with a quiver of 50 arrows of 2 inches in length and fly at the speed of a typical arrow.), Axe (3.5 inches in length for the head and swings quite fast as it’s based on a wood cutting axe), Sword and shield (the sword is 5 inches in length and one handed and the shield is 3 inches in width and 4.5  inches in width and can be used to protect a doll or alice.); Lance (the lance is 6 inches in length for the actual lance and 2 inches for the handle and requires 2 hands to properly use.). The dolls can fire five square shaped danmaku bullets in most cases (they dont have a limit but it takes 2 seconds to reload and to fire another round) if they have two free hands. (5 inches in diameter and Fly’s at the speed of a bullet but the hit like a fairly small rock being chucked at someone.)

The move should be good to go now.

[Dane Regan]

@Marisa:

Cost:
300 - Variable Strain based on dolls
300 - Bow
300 - Axe
300 - Sword/Shield
300 - Lance
300 - Bullets

Seems alright. Might need a fire rate for the bullets, a size of the axe head for the axe instead of just the pole size. Also, got a few more questions and comments.

>How big are the dolls? I can't see if you mentioned that.
>What do the dolls look like? China? Plastic? Cotton?
>You'll need homing for commands like, "attack X", since you're only focusing on them for 2 seconds or so. So for them to follow person X, they'll need homing.
>How does Marisa get these out of a fight? Summon with Omnilium?
>As a freebie, you might want to comment that Marisa can command the dolls more easily outside of combat (n.b. it's only tiring in fights, and not when dragging them about).
>Can she command more than one doll at once? Like, I get it's 1-2 seconds per command. But if she says, "Attack Yuuka" would all 10 do that if she wanted, or would she have to ask each one individually? (If it was individually, that would be a sufficient drawback - just remember, they can't do complicated tasks, you would need to add something to let you focus on them if you want them to do a complex battle strategy)
>Since this is complicated, you should add in a rough comment if how strong you expect the dolls to be in general (and how accurate when it concerns the bow/bullets).

[Hecate Rothchild]

Summon Saishu Sasayaki: (600) Physical/Debuff Proficiency.

Hecate can quickly channel her spiritual energy into her hands bringing forth her twin swords. These blades serve two purposes, Allowing Hecate to channel her powers through them to unleash her ice magic. They are also functional weapons allowing Hecate to engage in melee combat.

The swords are both 5.5 feet long with curved blades. White steel with black leather wrapped handles. The swords lack any form of guard making them less effective in defensive application. The swords are heavy and long making blows behind them more powerful but also more straining to Hecate forcing her to rely on other abilities for long drawn out battles.

These swords maintain a constant temperature of -60°C and can freeze any cuting or stabbing wound inflicted by the blades on contact. This thin layer of ice, slightly slows any limb cut by it. This ice melts overtime starting slow at 30 seconds and melts faster overtime before being completely melted at 1 minute Any wounds caused by these swords do not bleed reducing the overall damage of a strike. This effect does not discern friend from foe and effects Hecate as well if she cuts herself.
the freezing effect is effected by the relationship of target's DEF vs Hecate's ATT



Hecate can summon the swords up to two times before beginning to experience fatigue, any prior summoned swords vanish.

Summary:
Cast Time: Near instant
Cast cost: Light fatigue
Damage: The act of summoning the swords do no damage, Swords deal damage at a reduced rate but apply a small speed debuff.
Utility: Versatile technique, can be used to stop blood loss on self or allies with drawback of debuffing said ally.

[DrJaffas]

Longbow (1200) requires ranged proficiency
The longbow is made of European yew wood and is 5’ end to end and engraved with the words “mad jack”.
-Longbow heavy arrows (600)
A half quiver of 25 carbon arrows 28in length with a slow flight speed -3/4 of standard speed- and lower range -50m- the arrows being heavier than their wooden counterparts have a better ability to peirce through armour. They have the ability to quickly -just short of a second to fire- fire while on the move for a small movement penalty or to remain stationary and draw further for a charged shot. -2 seconds to aim and fire-
-Longbow standard arrows (600)
A half quiver of 25 wooden arrows 30in length with a flight speed of a standard arrow and the rage of a normal arrow -100m-. The arrows being wooden have a lower impact than the carbon counterparts but can be fired quickly on the move -less than a second to fire- for no penalty to movement but less likely to hit at range or the bow can be focused to fire an arrow with precision while stationary. -2 seconds to aim and fire- - can fire at upto 150m if stationary but no aim buff-

[The Emperor of Mankind]

It should be 600 for the two functions
The freezing effect should be based off of the opponent's DEF vs your ATK
"Hecate has no control over the effect of this and can not be extended or increased in effectiveness." You can probably get rid of this sentance.
If she can summon them again where do the old ones go or does she unsummon them

[Kelly MacAryn]

It should be 600 for the two functions
The freezing effect should be based off of the opponent's DEF vs your ATK
"Hecate has no control over the effect of this and can not be extended or increased in effectiveness." You can probably get rid of this sentance.
If she can summon them again where do the old ones go or does she unsummon them

Much of this is wrong.

The freezing is a debuff, making it TEC based overall, although it could be written so that ATK or DEF influences the duration.

Where the old ones go isn't actually a necessary piece of information.

Whether or not you need 600 for the utility is actually kind of hazy, because its still the same debuff function, just applied in a slightly fluffy capacity. Honestly that will probably come down to who's approving your move and their view on the topic.

Missing details you should definitely include: how powerful are the swords as weapons, how tiring are they wield, how quick are they in combat.

The time on the debuff is a bit high - one minute thirty seconds would have to come with at least a moderate drawback even for a weaker debuff - you might want to link the duration and strength of the effect on this one to your stats, and/or the stats of your opponent.

[Hecate Rothchild]

updated

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

[spoiler]Longbow (1200) requires ranged proficiency
The longbow is made of European yew wood and is 5’ end to end and engraved with the words “mad jack”.
-Longbow heavy arrows (600)
A half quiver of 25 carbon arrows 28in length with a slow flight speed -3/4 of standard speed- and lower range -50m- the arrows being heavier than their wooden counterparts have a better ability to peirce through armour. They have the ability to quickly -just short of a second to fire- fire while on the move for a small movement penalty or to remain stationary and draw further for a charged shot. -2 seconds to aim and fire-
-Longbow standard arrows (600)
A half quiver of 25 wooden arrows 30in length with a flight speed of a standard arrow and the rage of a normal arrow -100m-. The arrows being wooden have a lower impact than the carbon counterparts but can be fired quickly on the move -less than a second to fire- for no penalty to movement but less likely to hit at range or the bow can be focused to fire an arrow with precision while stationary. -2 seconds to aim and fire- - can fire at upto 150m if stationary but no aim buff-[/spoiler]

I know your first attempt at joining got denied (no historical characters - although you could make a similar OC, so long as it's different to the real person, perhaps with a changed backstory), but I'm going to go through this move anyway.

Firstly, you've got the main information there, but it would nice to know roughly how big the bow is (for description purposes - I know it doesn't vary a lot). Secondly, I'd assume he's not capable of firing an arrow every second, and also takes time to draw one from his quiver (unless you wanted him to have super human firing abilities). So, you should add something at the start like, "drawing and notching an arrow from his quiver takes X seconds". Thirdly, you could make this cost 900 OM if you wanted. It's 300 OM per individual variant - even if they're not mutually exclusive. My character's Elemental Blast takes that to the extreme a little bit. In short, your move cost breakdown could be:

300 - Normal Arrows
300 - Heavy Arrows
300 - Charging your shot.

So, you could make your move look something like:
[spoiler]
Longbow (900) requires ranged proficiency
The longbow is made of European yew wood and is 5’ end to end and engraved with the words “mad jack”. He has two main arrow types, heavy and standard. Drawing and notching any of these arrows from his quiver takes 1 second.
-Longbow heavy arrows (300)
A half quiver of 25 carbon arrows 28in length with a slow flight speed -3/4 of standard speed- and lower range -50m- the arrows being heavier than their wooden counterparts have a better ability to pierce through armour. They have the ability to quickly -just short of a second to fire- fire; doing so while moving gives a slight penalty to accuracy and movement speed.
-Longbow standard arrows (300)
A half quiver of 25 wooden arrows 30in length with a flight speed of a standard arrow and the range of a normal arrow -100m-. The arrows being wooden have a lower impact than the carbon counterparts but can be fired quickly on the move -less than a second to fire- for a slight penalty to accuracy at longer ranges, but no penalty to movement.
-Charged Shot (300)
While stationary, the bow can be focused to fire an arrow with more precision. It takes 2 seconds to aim and fire, instead of the usual time, but is much more accurate, and allows the standard arrows to go up to 150m.
[/spoiler]
I have changed things a little bit in splitting it up, but this would cost 900 OM instead of the 1200 you originally proposed.

updated

[spoiler]Summon Saishu Sasayaki: (600) Physical/Debuff Proficiency.

Hecate can quickly channel her spiritual energy into her hands bringing forth her twin swords. These blades serve two purposes, Allowing Hecate to channel her powers through them to unleash her ice magic. They are also functional weapons allowing Hecate to engage in melee combat.

The swords are both 5.5 feet long with curved blades. White steel with black leather wrapped handles. The swords lack any form of guard making them less effective in defensive application. The swords are heavy and long making blows behind them more powerful but also more straining to Hecate forcing her to rely on other abilities for long drawn out battles.

These swords maintain a constant temperature of -60°C and can freeze any cuting or stabbing wound inflicted by the blades on contact. This thin layer of ice, slightly slows any limb cut by it. This ice melts overtime starting slow at 30 seconds and melts faster overtime before being completely melted at 1 minute Any wounds caused by these swords do not bleed reducing the overall damage of a strike. This effect does not discern friend from foe and effects Hecate as well if she cuts herself.
the freezing effect is effected by the relationship of target's DEF vs Hecate's ATT



Hecate can summon the swords up to two times before beginning to experience fatigue, any prior summoned swords vanish.

Summary:
Cast Time: Near instant
Cast cost: Light fatigue
Damage: The act of summoning the swords do no damage, Swords deal damage at a reduced rate but apply a small speed debuff.
Utility: Versatile technique, can be used to stop blood loss on self or allies with drawback of debuffing said ally.[/spoiler]

General description is good. There's just a few things that need to be hashed out.

"the freezing effect is effected by the relationship of target's DEF vs Hecate's ATT"
>How so? Does it change the duration? Or increase the potency of the debuff?
>(Optional, not really required - just wondering if you wanted to spam at one target area to try and immobilise it more, or if you hadn't considered that) Is she hits the same area twice, does the slowing effect stack (increase the potency, or increase the duration)? Or replenish (restart the 1-minute duration)?
>How long does it take for her to summon the swords? Or is it just instant?

[Mad Jack]

Sausage slicer – (300) requires Physical Strength
This classical weapon is used by Jack to cut himself some flat sausage for him to eat while invading. The sword is engraved with the words “An officer is not fully dressed if his sword isn't at his side” down the side. The basket-hilted Scottish broadsword used is as light as an average sword allowing it to be wielded with a single hand while keeping the original size 0.5m in length and 10cm in width at the base. Due to its weight the sword causes low amounts of fatigue in prolonged use. However this also means the sword itself is less powerful and strikes for less damage.
Scottish independence – (300) requires Buff Proficiency
The Scottish bagpipes carried by Jack can be played by him providing those around him -30m- a reduction to their fatigue loss. However this requires intense concentration on his part and leaves him vulnerable to any attacks as he is stationary and is moderately fatiguing.

[James Knight]

Foot Bomb V1.0 (Ranged Proficiency, Area Attack, Debuff 300 OM.): 

The Foot Bomb is a bomb that looks like your traditional football. This bomb takes Warren about seventeen seconds to create. This has a 3x3 foot range when kicked at an opponent. This cannot be reaimed, and the kick requires that he be stationary, but when the kick has been completed Warren is free to move around, and attack. This is moderately damaging on Warren's stamina reserves,  and has a 20 second cool down for just this move upon completion. It does a modest amount of damage to anyone who is hit by the Footbomb. The Footbomb Warren uses appears to be made out of a purple crystal, with obvious circuitry inside of it. When the bomb explodes, it does more damage towards the center of the explosion but that is not all that it does to people who are caught by the explosion. This releases a poisonous cloud of gas that for the next 10 seconds eats away at the Tec Stat of an opponent, lowering it by 1.

[Dane Regan]

@Warren:
>17 seconds is oddly specific and a bit steep, bit okay.
>Can Warren move whole creating it?
>How far roughly can he kick it? And how fast?
>What about the move is tiring? The kick? Summoning the bomb? Both?
>When does the bomb explode? After a set time? Or when it hits someone/the floor?
>How big is the glass cloud? And how big is the explosion?
>How long does the TEC drop last? As long as they're in the cloud? For 10 seconds?
>Add a comment saying that the TEC stat cannot be reduced below 0.

"This has a 3x3 foot range when kicked at an opponent."
I don't get what you mean here. 3x3 foot implies a 2 dimensional measurement, but the word range implies a distance, i.e. a 1 dimensional measurement. Which is inconsistent. Maybe reword it.

[James Knight]

Foot Bomb V1.0 (Ranged Proficiency, Area Attack, Debuff 300):

The Foot Bomb is a bomb that looks like your traditional football. This bomb takes Warren about seventeen seconds to create. During the creation of the bomb Warren can move around as much as he likes because the bomb does not take that much effort for him to create. This can be kicked 75 feet from him and when he kicks it, it travels at about 40 MPH. The kick is the tiring part of the move, because Warren has to do it perfectly, or he will cause himself some minor damage if he messes up the move in the slightest detail. The bomb can explode 1 or 2 ways. After being kicked, and landing where it was kicked it will explode automatically after about 15 seconds. However, if it should hit anyone, or anything the bomb will also explode. This has the explosive power of a fragmentation grenade as it were, and can do that kind of damage as a result. The Gas Cloud can cover about 20 feet, and the explosion is about 35 feet in diameter but at the center of the explosion, the explosion is more powerful in terms of damage. The Gas Cloud released by the explosion is poisonous, and for 10 seconds will take away 1 Tec from an opponent temporarily. They can undo it one of three ways. Powering up, or getting out of the cloud. The third way is to destroy the cloud of poisonous gas that has been released by the Footbomb. As a fourth option, they could hit the Foot Bomb with such force that it would be destroyed instantly, as it were, preventing it from going off. This is moderately damaging on Warren's stamina reserves,  and has a 20 second cool down for just this move upon completion. The Footbomb Warren uses appears to be made out of a purple crystal, with obvious circuitry inside of it. The Footbomb is a move that taps into his love of foot ball, and also mad science. 

The bomb takes him 17 seconds to create. 

[Dane Regan]

@Warren:
"because Warren has to do it perfectly, or he will cause himself some minor damage if he messes up the move in the slightest detail"
>I don't quite get this part. Why would he take damage from messing up his kick?
>Does the bomb last until he uses it? Or does he have to use it within a set amount of time?

[James Knight]

Foot Bomb V1 - (600 OM, Debuff, Ranged, Area Attack Proficiency.) 

The Foot Bomb is a bomb that looks like your traditional football. This bomb takes Warren about seventeen seconds to create. During the creation of the bomb Warren can move around as much as he likes because the bomb does not take that much effort for him to create. This can be kicked 75 feet from him and when he kicks it, it travels at about 40 MPH. The kick is the tiring part of the move. The bomb can explode 1 or 2 ways. After being kicked, and landing where it was kicked it will explode automatically after about 15 seconds. However, if it should hit anyone, or anything the bomb will also explode. The Gas Cloud can cover about 20 feet, and the explosion is about 35 feet in diameter but at the center of the explosion, the explosion is more powerful in terms of damage. The Gas Cloud released by the explosion is poisonous, and for 10 seconds will take away 1 Tec from an opponent temporarily. They can undo it one of three ways. Powering up, or getting out of the cloud. The third way is to destroy the cloud of poisonous gas that has been released by the Footbomb. As a fourth option, they could hit the Foot Bomb with such force that it would be destroyed instantly, as it were, preventing it from going off. This is moderately damaging on Warren's stamina reserves,  and has a 20 second cool down for just this move upon completion. The Footbomb Warren uses appears to be made out of a purple crystal, with obvious circuitry inside of it. The Footbomb is a move that taps into his love of foot ball, and also mad science. 

The bomb takes him 17 seconds to create. The bomb will remain for thirty seconds, and he must use it within that frame of time, or he will have to create the bomb anew. This has power dependent on his ATK versus the DEF stat of an opponent. Typically, Warren leaves the explosion lowered powered to about that of a fire cracker, but at maximum this has the explosive potential of a landmine. 

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Warren: All good except for one thing:
"This has the explosive power of a fragmentation grenade as it were, and can do that kind of damage as a result."
This depends on your ATK stat. Instead just say the explosion is "very powerful" or "moderately powerful" or something like that.

[James Knight]

Revised the one above your post, Ebony.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Warren:
Regarding "This has power dependent on his ATK versus the DEF stat of an opponent. Were their DEF to be superior, this would do pitiful damage."
This is always true for moves. You don't need to write this. But, what you should add, it a comment about the general power of the explosion? Is it really strong? Or moderate? Technically, you don't have to, but it'll help whoever approves of it get a better idea of what you want from the move.

[James Knight]

Foot Bomb V1 - (600 OM, Debuff, Ranged, Area Attack Proficiency.)

The Foot Bomb is a bomb that looks like your traditional football. This bomb takes Warren about seventeen seconds to create. During the creation of the bomb Warren can move around as much as he likes because the bomb does not take that much effort for him to create. This can be kicked 75 feet from him and when he kicks it, it travels at about 40 MPH. The kick is the tiring part of the move. The bomb can explode 1 or 2 ways. After being kicked, and landing where it was kicked it will explode automatically after about 15 seconds. However, if it should hit anyone, or anything the bomb will also explode. The Gas Cloud can cover about 20 feet, and the explosion is about 35 feet in diameter but at the center of the explosion, the explosion is more powerful in terms of damage. The Gas Cloud released by the explosion is poisonous, and for 10 seconds will take away 1 Tec from an opponent temporarily. They can undo it one of three ways. Powering up, or getting out of the cloud. The third way is to destroy the cloud of poisonous gas that has been released by the Footbomb. As a fourth option, they could hit the Foot Bomb with such force that it would be destroyed instantly, as it were, preventing it from going off. This is moderately damaging on Warren's stamina reserves, and has a 20 second cool down for just this move upon completion. The Footbomb Warren uses appears to be made out of a purple crystal, with obvious circuitry inside of it. The Footbomb is a move that taps into his love of foot ball, and also mad science.

The bomb takes him 17 seconds to create. The bomb will remain for thirty seconds, and he must use it within that frame of time, or he will have to create the bomb anew. This has power dependent on his ATK versus the DEF stat of an opponent. Typically, Warren leaves the explosion lowered powered to about that of a fire cracker, but at maximum this has the explosive potential of a landmine.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Warren:
>This should still be 300, I didn't notice before when you changed the cost, but it only does one thing. Explode, then cause a gas cloud. There's no varient.
>Sorry if I didn't explain myself well before. But, for moves, you should avoid comparisons to "real" statistics when it comes to damaging potential. So, instead of saying "this is as strong as a landmine" say "this is really powerful" or "this is moderately strong". Furthermore, you don't need to include the whole "ATK vs DEF" comment isn't needed. So, replace:

"This has power dependent on his ATK versus the DEF stat of an opponent. Typically, Warren leaves the explosion lowered powered to about that of a fire cracker, but at maximum this has the explosive potential of a landmine."

with

"The explosion part of this move is [moderately/very] powerful."

Further side comment:
"As a fourth option, they could hit the Foot Bomb with such force that it would be destroyed instantly, as it were, preventing it from going off."
>This doesn't make sense, because you said it explodes if it hits something. I suggest you simply remove this part from the move.

[James Knight]

Foot Bomb V1 - (600 OM, Debuff, Ranged, Area Attack Proficiency.) 

The Foot Bomb is a bomb that looks like your traditional football. This bomb takes Warren about seventeen seconds to create. During the creation of the bomb Warren can move around as much as he likes because the bomb does not take that much effort for him to create. This can be kicked 75 feet from him and when he kicks it, it travels at about 40 MPH. The kick is the tiring part of the move. The bomb can explode 1 or 2 ways. After being kicked, and landing where it was kicked it will explode automatically after about 15 seconds. However, if it should hit anyone, or anything the bomb will also explode. The Gas Cloud can cover about 20 feet, and the explosion is about 35 feet in diameter but at the center of the explosion, the explosion is more powerful in terms of damage. The Gas Cloud released by the explosion is poisonous, and for 10 seconds will take away 1 Tec from an opponent temporarily. They can undo it one of three ways. Powering up, or getting out of the cloud. The third way is to destroy the cloud of poisonous gas that has been released by the Footbomb. This is moderately damaging on Warren's stamina reserves, and has a 20 second cool down for just this move upon completion. The Footbomb Warren uses appears to be made out of a purple crystal, with obvious circuitry inside of it. The Footbomb is a move that taps into his love of foot ball, and also mad science. 

The bomb takes him 17 seconds to create. The bomb will remain for thirty seconds, and he must use it within that frame of time, or he will have to create the bomb anew. This has power dependent on his ATK versus the DEF stat of an opponent. This is moderately powerful. 


Fumbled Play - (900 OM, Physical Strength, Debuff, Ranged Proficiency, Area Attack): 


Fumbled Play is a scythe that takes Warren about 12 seconds for him to create. This scythe is a weapon that can be used for melee purposes by slashing at his opponents. The scythe has a poison that makes a person weaker for 10 seconds when injected. The Scythe also has a ranged attack, namely releasing an arcing crescent shaped wave of energy at an opponent with each swing that deals moderate damage, like the melee of the scythe does. The Scythe's ranged attack has a range of 150 feet in any direction when it is swung. This cannot be re-aimed when it is used. In addition, swinging the scythe exhausts Warren, so he cannot use it in combat for prolonged periods of time. 


Baseball Bat (300 OM, Physical Prof, Debuff.): 

A purple, gray and black baseball bat. This is used by Warren to debuff an opponent by trying to smack them anywhere he can, though typically he goes for the head, to cause them a concussion. Each hit will cause them a 2 second concussion, and this can be stacked up to 5 times when it is used on an opponent. The bat dependent on Warren's DEF versus the Tec/Attack of an opponent can clash with such weapons as legendary swords, lightsabers, energy swords or really just any other melee weapon. The Baseball Bat is a simple weapon, but is one that Warren will not often use because of his favor for the sport of Football.