Move Creation Workshop

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Pennywise:
As opposed to giving people outright hallucinations (based on supression)? Which was approved without telepathy. Imo, either both "Uncertainty" and "Folie a Deux?" should need Telepathy as well, or none of them should. Since they're all familiar in this aspect. That's mostly what Clownpiece is confused about, since he was told "Am I Seeing Things?" needs telepathy, but the others apparently don't.

[Alex]

I think the clown's line of thought might be that the Moves that Clownpiece already has are defensive (oh, that dude's in my head, here, get counter-janked as you try to invade my skull with your insight or your telepathy), where as this one it's deluding a person into thinking something in real.

Then again, I think all three of them should involve Telepathy since they're all head-/mind-based, but stuff like this seems gray. I'd rather not make a call and wind up being wrong, so it's probably best to have Omni provide a clear demarcation line between what requires Telepathy and what does not.

[James Knight]

As you wanted to see the move here, Blink, here it is.

Smart Phone - Narwhal Barrage (300 OM, Ranged Proficiency, Homing, Ranged Materialize, Debuff, Telepathy. Physical Strength):

The smart phone possessed by Dupe when he arrived in the Omniverse. While the nature of the Omniverse may have rendered many of the functions unusable at least initially, he did have a bit of saved data on it. The bit of data in question? A song. A very annoying song that would be painful enough on the ears and mind to make people cry back where he was from, but that is not what it does. No, thanks to the liberal use of Omnilium, it is now capable of PROJECTING a large swarm of Narwhals out of it, in addition to playing the song. Unfortunately the Narwhals? They like to bite and impale people on their horns, and generally be vicious towards anyone he turns this move upon. In short this move takes him about 25 seconds to locate the link and activate. When it does however a swarm of fifty vicious narwhals will appear and attack his opponents, while the song blasts in the background. They will home in on any opponents who are the closest, but this has a maximum range of 75 feet from him. Any further, and the Narwhals and the music will fade.

This requires his full concentration, but can be done while moving. It cannot however be used with any moves that require both hands.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Veritas:
If you're having a charge time being that high, just make it a supermove dude. And, even with the charge time, it does seem too strong at the moment. 50 narwhals is a lot, even if they all get one hit - and if that was the case they'd all be very weak.

Also, each narwhal cannot do more than zig-zag about aimlessly crashing into stuff. Make sure you note that they're dumb into the move (unless you do make it a super).

>How long does it last?
>How fast do the Narwhals move?
>How strong are the Narwhals (as in, how many hits can they take)?
>Why does this need Debuff? I can't see a debuff here.
>Why does this need telepathy?
>Why does this need physical strength? The narwhals are hitting at range compared to where your Character is. I see no melee part.

I suggest you look at some other minion style moves (such as the zombie one in the rules, or the Buu clone example in the Joining forum), or just make it simpler and model the narwhals as projectiles.

[James Knight]

Smart Phone - Narwhal Barrage (300 OM, Ranged Proficiency, Homing, Ranged Materialize, Debuff, Telepathy. Physical Strength):

The smart phone possessed by Dupe when he arrived in the Omniverse. While the nature of the Omniverse may have rendered many of the functions unusable at least initially, he did have a bit of saved data on it. The bit of data in question? A song. A very annoying song that would be painful enough on the ears and mind to make people cry back where he was from, but that is not what it does. No, thanks to the liberal use of Omnilium, it is now capable of PROJECTING a large swarm of Narwhals out of it, in addition to playing the song. Unfortunately the Narwhals? They like to bite and impale people on their horns, and generally be vicious towards anyone he turns this move upon. In short this move takes him about 15 seconds to locate the link and activate. When it does however a swarm of twenty vicious narwhals will appear and attack his opponents, while the song blasts in the background. They will home in on any opponents who are the closest, but this has a maximum range of 75 feet from him. Any further, and the Narwhals and the music will fade. 

This requires his full concentration, but can be done while moving. It cannot however be used with any moves that require both hands.  Each of the narwhals can take about two hits, and they go about as fast as your run of a mill human. Each of them can attack three times, before disappearing. The song when it is completed will leave a person with a painful headache that will last thirty seconds, preventing any moves that are more than "point and shoot" or simple slashes  with a sword, unless that is the only type of move that an opponent has at their disposal for 17 seconds. 

The telepathy part of the move comes from the fact that it will be VERY difficult to get the song, and thus the sensation of being chewed up, and impaled by any and all of the Narwhals that attack out of one's head, thus, until the move ends in about 20 seconds, they would relive the damage mentally, which would cause it to appear physically on their body again, and again. In other words, what it does is cause both physical and mental suffering, though the mental suffering causes more of the physical suffering due to the song. This has a 35 second cool down. The Narwhals are not smart, and will zigzag around, crashing in aimlessly to anyone, and attacking anyone but Dupe...even his allies. 

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Veritas:

Alright, I get it. You're making holograms, and they phase through walls and stuff (maybe?), but the telepathy actually makes people take damage from them. It might seem annoying, but I think you should try and rewrite your move to make that clearer. At the moment it's a bit long-winded and the actual information a reader needs is awkward to find. For example, when you say "this requires his full concentration", it's unclear whether you're talking about finding the link, or using the move, or both. Take a step back, and try and polish it off. Just rewrite from scratch if you have to. Or rewrite and reorder some sections.

Also, you removed how many narwhals there are from the move description. And since the debuff always hits (homing), and the move appears to be strong, you're going to need some more drawbacks. It's too strong.

Lastly, since all the narwhals come from his phone (as in, within 12ft of Dupe), you don't need Ranged Materialize. I also can't see why you need physical strength, since this move is ranged.

[James Knight]

Not exactly "holograms" per say, because they can physically bite/impale his opponents.  And very well, I'll take this idea back to the drawing board.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Veritas:
I thought your point was for them not being 'real', but your opponents still take the damage because of the telepathy? Are they actually physical objects then? It's not really clear, I've just been guessing based on what you've said.

Also, you don't have to take 'the idea' back to the drawing board. It works as a concept. Just polish it up.

[Jack Darby]

??? - (Physical Strength, Ranged Proficiency, 900 OM.) 

The yet to be named replacement for most of his gear that was destroyed. This uses nanotechnology to switch between three modes, blaster, regular gun and a blade of sorts that Matthew can use. The sword mode of the sword takes only one hand, and requires the least concentration. The sword mode's power may be weaker than that of the other two, but given that he isn't aiming to kill, that's to be expected. Requires 1/3 of his concentration to use. Can be used with other moves, so long as he keeps a hand free to use this, unless he has moves that don't need his hands. 

[Takanomiya Hijiri]

??? - (Physical Strength, Ranged Proficiency, 900 OM.)

The yet to be named replacement for most of his gear that was destroyed. This uses nanotechnology to switch between three modes, blaster, regular gun and a blade of sorts that Matthew can use. The sword mode of the sword takes only one hand, and requires the least concentration. The sword mode's power may be weaker than that of the other two, but given that he isn't aiming to kill, that's to be expected. Requires 1/3 of his concentration to use. Can be used with other moves, so long as he keeps a hand free to use this, unless he has moves that don't need his hands.

Quick points:
- You can describe how he got it and other fodder stuff separately if you want; it doesn't need to be part of the actual move description unless it affects the way the move looks or impacts a fight in some way.
- You'll need more information on how the weapons look and what the properties of each are (e.g. how long is the sword, what do the two guns look like? Aside from its appearance, what makes the blaster different from the regular gun?)
- You really don't need to have a maintained focus drawback for something like this... really, it would be more efficient to have him only concentrating whilst changing its shape.


Here's a draft I've written up based on how I would build such a move myself... if you'd prefer to keep the maintained concentration requirement, or have any other changes, just let me know.

Nanotech Armament (900)
(Physical Strength, Ranged Proficiency)
A nanotech weapon capable of switching between three modes: a short sword; a plasma-firing blaster pistol; and a regular, bullet-loaded pistol. All variations of this weapon are suited to one-handed use and so can be used in conjunction with other weapons. Switching modes costs a small amount of energy and requires him to focus for [x] seconds, during which time he cannot attack, yet can still move about as normal. When shifting between forms, the weapon will appear to liquefy as the nanomachines rearrange themselves.

[Spoiler][/spoiler]This [x]-inch-long short sword is made of a lightweight steel alloy and as such is very easy to swing around, however it's blows are less effective as a result of the lack of weight behind them.

[Spoiler][/spoiler]Called a Relby-k23 Blaster Pistol by the Empire, this weapon does not require reloading, will not overheat and has little recoil, however it is very weak compared to most guns. Additionally, as it fires superheated plasma, any wounds it does inflict will be cauterised, preventing his foes from suffering blood loss.

[Spoiler][/spoiler]The regular gun is a Mark XIX .44 calibre Desert Eagle with a six-inch barrel and a clip size of eight rounds. It deals significantly more damage than the blaster variant, however in addition to requiring [x] seconds to reload between clips, it also has a very powerful recoil, so firing frequently will quickly tire Matthew.

Notes:
1) Just a quick draft. I'd normally take more time to write up a move for myself... but I obviously don't know what you're wanting exactly from this move, so there's no point in spending hours on it before you've decided.
2) Personally, I think a machete would be cooler for a character like Matthew... but since you just said 'sword', I've made it a generic short sword for now... though there are plenty of other types, if you'd prefer. Rapiers, katanas, scimitars, etc...
I also took the liberty of deciding the types of guns myself, as you didn't specify those.
3) Feel free to come up with a better name if you want.
4) The '[x]' bits are numbers you'll need to decide on yourself, based on how powerful you want the move to be.

[13-Jzall]

The red axe: 300 OM, requires melee prof


A red, oversized omnissian axe which is about 1 and a half meters high with a cog shaped blade. It is used as a heavy chopping device to get through armour but it can't be used quickly or with much skill. It will deal a moderate amount of damage but its main use is keeping enemies away so 13 can use his guns better.

Mechendrite harness: 300 OM (?), requires hive mind

13's body is covered in mechendrites, small metal arms that can be used to hold and fire weapons although not at 13's accuracy (-2 TEC) and it can't reload for him. 13 will have to stand still while these are active and they can be deactivated for 15 seconds by hitting them hard enough.

[Jack Darby]

The Nanotech Armament is actually perfect!

[Jack Darby]

Nanotech Armament (900)
(Physical Strength, Ranged Proficiency)
A nanotech weapon capable of switching between three modes: a short sword; a plasma-firing blaster pistol; and a regular, bullet-loaded pistol. All variations of this weapon are suited to one-handed use and so can be used in conjunction with other weapons. Switching modes costs a small amount of energy and requires him to focus for [9] seconds, during which time he cannot attack, yet can still move about as normal. When shifting between forms, the weapon will appear to liquefy as the nanomachines rearrange themselves.



This [12]-inch-long short sword is made of a lightweight steel alloy and as such is very easy to swing around, however it's blows are less effective as a result of the lack of weight behind them.  This sword is moderately draining on his stamina, and strength to use, but can be used with other one handed pieces of equipment. 



Called a Relby-k23 Blaster Pistol by the Empire, this weapon does not require reloading, will not overheat and has little recoil, however it is very weak compared to most guns. Additionally, as it fires superheated plasma, any wounds it does inflict will be cauterized, preventing his foes from suffering blood loss. This gun is moderately draining on his stamina, and strength to use, but can be used with other one handed pieces of equipment. 



The regular gun is a Mark XIX .44 calibre Desert Eagle with a six-inch barrel and a clip size of eight rounds. It deals significantly more damage than the blaster variant, however in addition to requiring [6] seconds to reload between clips, it also has a very powerful recoil, so firing frequently will quickly tire Matthew. This gun is moderately draining on his stamina, and strength to use, but can be used with other one handed pieces of equipment. 

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Matt:
Fix the formatting, and you're good to go. (You can remove the square brackets around the numbers as well)

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Matt: As a side note, you could have just combined your old sword and gun moves to create this. Rather than refunding everything and buying new stuff. I don't get why you felt the need to sell every move, and just buy new ones that do the same thing.

If you missed the thing about how moves can be upgraded and combined, I can understand. Even to change some numbers or cosmetics, you can just send a move back to approval and 'upgrade' it rather than refunding and buying something similar later.

[Jack Darby]

I was primarily reducing his equipment, to simplify stuff as he had way too much at the time. Plus with the IC events, he'd have lost most of the gear.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Matt:
Say my character's scythe broke, or was lost (technically impossible, but pretend).

I could IC have my character make a new scythe (maybe it's a bit bigger, or a different colour - or maybe someone else made it for me), and upgrade/change the move to fit that without selling and buying a new move (as long as I get it approved and buy it before I IC get the new version). As long as the purpose and type of move is the same, it's fine. So you can turn a sword into a bigger sword, but not a sword into a gun. And guns could have clip sizes changed. Spells and charged moves can also have number changes. It the move is similar, and the new one is an adaption from the last, you can get it approved as an upgrade. In other words, you're wasting your OM here. If you're OK with that, then fine.

I can understand cutting down on some similar moves, but you don't need to sell all of it. I'm fairly sure you used to have at least one sword, and two guns, that could be combined to form this single move - even if the items aren't 'technically' the same IC.

[Takanomiya Hijiri]

@Matt -
If you're trying to get the formatting right on the move, just quote my post from before and delete all the bits that say [ quote ] and [/ quote ], as well as all the text that isn't part of the move itself.

Also, to add to what Ebony said, your moves 'Fabricated Replica - Soul Taker', 'Deadshot's Wrist Guns' & 'Insider's Will Blaster' would be potential candidates to be used as trade-offs to be 'upgraded' into this one. Here are their approval links if you need them (I noticed you only had the approval links included for some of the moves in your log).
http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid116156
http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid118429
http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid119618

[Trixie]

Honest question.

Why is the gun draining his stamina? Why is a piece of equipment physically taxing on him to fire?

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Trixie: Wouldn't a gun with a high recoil make your arm ache and tire after a while? I mean, I have no experience with guns or anything, but I'd assume that's the case.