Move Creation Workshop

[Schwi Dola]

Number of moves has little impact on move balance, locking one move means literally nothing to my NPC Prime with 4 different weapons. That is something even a level 1 Prime could have had if they wanted. Think of this as Cooldown forced onto an enemy, and Cooldown is not that impactful unless its applied broadly, like 'all' moves or all moves related to a single power.

The 1 minute is the maximum time but anyone can take 5 seconds to think about it to negate it. This penalty to Marisa's move, the time could be permanent (to the end of the fight) and it wouldn't change the situation at all.

It isn't automatic. She still has to actually do it, to overcome your TEC. You could stop her from stealing from you by stabbing her at the same time or otherwise blasting her with one of your other moves. It provokes an attack of opportunity, as a matter of natural RPing since this isn't just magically teleporting your stuff to her. Stealing can be an interesting thing to RP out, the advantage could go to her opponent in PvP because the story focus goes to them pretty nicely by stealing their stuff.


Anyway nothing new is getting added to this back and forth so we should stop .

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

And? Dicking about for 5 seconds also lets Marissa get an attack off on you.

And some people only have a single weapon. Someone might have a gunblade as their sole form of ranged and melee damage. This move would cripple them. Hence, a clause like that is needed. That's my standpoint. Potentially sealing all moves, or a large proportion of them, for a full minute is too strong.

It's either letting someone resummon their weapon, only being able to steal something that isn't in use, or only being able to steal something is the opponent has another melee/ranged weapon (as people with more weapons will probably be easier to steal one from).

Some form of balancing around that is needed in my opinion. Maybe 5 seconds isn't the right time, but 5 seconds is the same length as Marisa's preparation for stealing, so I think it's fair. And Marisa still gets to keep her copy anyway (until the minute is up).

[Takanomiya Hijiri]

And some people only have a single weapon.

For what it's worth, I agree with Desco here. Everyone starts with 5000 OM; it isn't fair on Desco Marisa to say that her move shouldn't be approved just because someone might not have any other moves. That's their own fault if they chose to design their character that way, no one forced them to do so.

Personally I'd suggest adding some other drawback (e.g. a longer charge-up) in place of giving them the ability to resummon it, since that basically just makes the move completely worthless.

EDIT: Me, getting someone's name wrong? Nooo, that'd never happen.

[Schwi Dola]

Its Marisa's move

[Takanomiya Hijiri]

Its Marisa's move

Oops. For some reason I was thinking that Marisa was your alt. >.<

[Little Ghost]

Ok, slimmed it down a lot:

T1 Super Attack: Abyssal Drift Palace Charge (Physical Strength Proficiency, Burst Movement) (600): The Soul and The Abyss are fundamentally different forces. The Soul is the refined and focused energy of life, of complexity. The Abyss is the very essence of existence, the raw primordial stuff of all creation.
Infusing Void and Soul into his weapon, Little Ghost uses Burst Movement to rapidly close with his opponent and deliver a devastating strike. This transfers the agitated opposing energies into the target where they are let free of restraint, the violently tearing the target apart from the inside out.
This attack can be performed with any weapon, even unarmed, but requires near point-blank range to properly transfer the energy. Thus, while it could be performed with a ranged weapon, the maximum range of Abyssal Drift Palace Charge is twelve feet or the reach of the weapon, whichever is shorter.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Little Ghost:
You should be good to go.

[Desman Black]

Teir 1 Super Attack: Elemental Ball Charge- 600 OM (Requires: Area Defence, Super Speed)
Desman takes 1 sec to summons a giant semi-opaque ball about 10 ft in diameter, in which he is in the bottem of. He then starts running and takes about 3 secs for both the ball to start moving and for Des to reach double his top speed at which point he charges at his opponent(s), the ball making air immediately infront of it heat up into plasma as it does so.

The ball and plasma changes colors depending on where Des uses the move, this does not affect anything.


Blown Away- 300 OM (Requires: Area Attack)
Desman takes a 3 sec charge-up time, during which he can not move, to asorb Air into his body before releasing it all in a sudden ngust of wind releasing outwards from his abdomin (not hitting any opponts or allies above him). This wind is not damaging and hits freind and foe alike, pusing them out to a point 4x(Des's Atk- Target's Def)ft away from Desman. If the Target Def is the same or higer as Desman's attack, they are not affected by the wind.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Des:
Elemental Ball Charge:

the ball making air immediately infront of it heat up into plasma as it does so.

The area in front of the ball is likely to be larger than 3ft by 3ft, so you will need area attack as well.

Blown Away:
Don't use raw numbers. You don't need to. Just give a rough distance, say 20ft, for all opponents. Then add on a comment that people with a DEF lower than his ATK may be pushed further, and people with a DEF higher than his ATK won't be pushed as far.

Also, you need a range and rough area of the cone where people will be affected.

[Desman Black]

Teir 1 Super Attack: Elemental Ball Charge- 600 OM (Requires: Area Defence, Super Speed)
Desman takes 1 sec to summons a giant semi-opaque ball about 10 ft in diameter, in which he is in the bottem of. He then starts running and takes about 3 secs for both the ball to start moving and for Des to reach double his top speed at which point he charges at his opponent(s), until the ball finally knocks into them, injuring them with force alone.

The ball changes colors depending on where Des uses the move, this does not affect anything.


Blown Away- 300 OM (Requires: Area Attack)
Desman takes a 3 sec charge-up time, during which he can not move, to asorb Air into his body before releasing it all in a sudden gust of wind releasing outwards from his abdomin (not hitting any opponts or allies above him, but hitting anyone in the whole 360 degrees around Des). This wind is not damaging and hits freind and foe alike, pusing them out to a maximum of 20ft away from Desman, the lower the opponents Def compared to his ATK the further they are pushed back, poelpe with a DEF higher then his ATK are not affected by the move. Targets have to be withen 9 ft of Des to be hit by the move in the first place.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Gunther:

FLDSMDFR Cannon:
>Meatball is good.
>Ice Cream will need telepathy, since you're making people act in a way they wouldn't usually (eating ice cream). I think it also needs a rough area of effect.
>For the Potato, you might want to make it clear that it actually does damage.
>For the Shrimp, I think you should say how big massive is, and it also needs a rough speed.

FLDSMDFR Twin Pistols:
I think this is good. But give it a quick once over with the checklist (see the rules/top post of move approval) before you send it to approval just in case.

FLDSMDFR Pump Action:
>I know we assume range now (to being until it hits something), but I'm picturing potatoes with a curved trajectory, so I think you should add one.
>For dried beans, you should have a rough angle/width of the cone.
>Hot dog is good.
>Spaghetti is good.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Desman:
Firstly, polish off the spelling. I know you can, I'm guessing you wrote this quickly while on mobile. Fix it up a bit before you send it to approval.

For the super attack, you may still need area attack, but I think you're probably good.

For Blown Away, I honestly think you've made it a bit too weak. You don't need to give people with higher DEF a free pass. Just a reduced effect. Also, I if I were you, I'd increase the range to 12ft, since otherwise, I can't see it being as useful. For example, you could have (change the numbers and descriptions as needed):

Blown Away- 300 OM (Requires: Area Attack, Physical Attack)
Desman takes a 3 sec charge-up time, during which he can not move, to absorb Air into his body before releasing it all in a sudden gust of wind releasing outwards from his abdomen (not hitting any opponents or allies above him, but hitting anyone in the whole 360 degrees around Des). This wind is not damaging and hits friend and foe alike, pushing them out about 20ft away from Desman. Targets have to be within 12ft of Des to be hit by the move in the first place, and people with a DEF lower than Des's ATK may be pushed back further, while people with a DEF higher than Des's ATK won't be pushed back as far.

If you prefer it as it was before, then go ahead and send it off to approval. Or take the version I just wrote and add that as needed. (You need Physical prof though, since 9ft range; the 12ft range here is still physical prof)

[Cobalt]

“Hand zappy thing?”(requires Physical Strength) – 300 OM
This device would only be notice by either touching it or being affected by it, or close observation. The device itself appears to be a thin, wide spaced chain-mail covering the user's right hand and a thin black rectangle stretching lengthwise across his right gauntlet. Upon activation of this device a low hum and small electrical arcs would sprout from his hand when contacting metal. Only stunning for 2 seconds for unarmored victims. The device seems quite make shift, it can only be used three times before burning up, and requires a ten second recharge after every use, it has a tendency to overheat while idle, to the point that using it after two minutes would either burn it out, or severely shock the user instead of the intended target.

I've poked and prodded this a few times and it still proves unsatisfactory. This is my latest edit, What can I do to fix it?

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

“Hand zappy thing?”(requires Physical Strength) – 300 OM
This device would only be notice by either touching it or being affected by it, or close observation. The device itself appears to be a thin, wide spaced chain-mail covering the user's right hand and a thin black rectangle stretching lengthwise across his right gauntlet. Upon activation of this device a low hum and small electrical arcs would sprout from his hand when contacting metal. Only stunning for 2 seconds for unarmored victims. The device seems quite make shift, it can only be used three times before burning up, and requires a ten second recharge after every use, it has a tendency to overheat while idle, to the point that using it after two minutes would either burn it out, or severely shock the user instead of the intended target.

I've poked and prodded this a few times and it still proves unsatisfactory. This is my latest edit, What can I do to fix it?

First off, from the looks of things, you're stunning someone for 2 seconds. Prolonged effects like that require the debuff proficiency.

Secondly, I don't think the move reads as clearly as it could, which is likely leading to some problems.

What I gather from reading it is:
>He has a thin chain gauntlet on his right hand, and there's a black rectangle on the back of it.
>He can reach his hand towards someone, and sparks will fly towards them and stun them (but the exact range of this is unclear).
>That person is then stunned for 2 seconds.
>He can only use it 3 times during a fight.
>He has to wait 10 seconds after each use to reuse it.
>If he turns it on and doesn't use it for 2 minutes, it might zaps him instead (or becomes unusable).

But:
>It is unclear whether or not it does damage (does it just stun, do damage, or both?)
>There's no information about how long it takes to turn on, or turn off, or if it's just instant (although I'd assume it's instant if you don't say anything there).
>You seem to suggest people wearing metal will be stunned longer, but don't say how much longer.
>There should be some information on what the stunning does. It's not strictly required, but I generally find it's better to be specific.
>I'm not sure whether this is touch based, or just a very short distance.

Suggestion:
Based on what Omni said in your joining app, and some things I think you should add, you could change the move to say (changes in bold):

“Hand zappy thing?”(requires Physical Strength, Debuff Proficiency) – 300 OM

This device would only be noticed by either touching it, being affected by it, or close observation. The device itself appears to be a thin, wide spaced chain-mail covering the user's right hand and a thin black rectangle stretching lengthwise across his right gauntlet. Upon activation of this device, a low hum and small electrical arcs would sprout from his hand when contacting metal. Cobalt can use the weapon instantly by aiming his wrist, and the electricity arcs up to 2ft towards the target. This feels like a painful shock if it hits, but doesn't do any damage - its main purpose is to incapacitate the target by stunning them. If Cobalt's ATK is equal to the opponent's DEF score, this stuns for a couple of seconds. If double or more, it stuns for up to five seconds. If half or less, this stuns for a second or less. The device seems quite makeshift, it can only be used three times before burning up and requires one minute to recharge after every use. It also has a tendency to overheat while idle, to the point that using it after two minutes would either burn it out or severely shock the user instead of the intended target.

Or, take a crack at doing something similar yourself, if you'd prefer. Since I don't know if the above mirrors your intentions.

Also, welcome to the Omniverse dude.

[Illidan Stormrage]

@Koola:

Death Saucer:

>You'll need some information on how quick the disk can turn.

The edge of the disc is sharp and will cut through almost anything

When describing how powerful a move is, try not to use wording like "cuts through skin" or "breaks bones". This is because the actual damage an attack causes will depend not just on the power of the move, but also your opponent's DEF stat in relation to your ATK. It's best to leave this somewhat vague.

>Almost anything? Does that include heavy duty steel? Or concrete? Just describe this move as being comparatively strong, or weak, etc. Like doing medium damage, or heavy damage. You can still mention it being sharp.

The Death Saucer will continue on until it collides with an object of sufficient mass to stop it (eg. the ground).

>What about a head on collision with someone?

Imprisonment Ball:

>Add ranged attack to the proficiencies required.
>Add physical attack (maybe, since you're hitting ring/target to send them flying).
>How big is the orb's explosion?
>Is it damaging? If so, how much?
>What's the maximum range it can be sent after being hit?

OK third time's a charm? I appreciate your help with this.

Death Saucer:
- I removed the 'cut through almost anything' line but it should be obvious(?) that its intention is to cut or slice through things (this is dependent on the DEF stat, so it might be deflected or just cause a cut rather than penetrating).
- Added some speed of turning info.
- Head on collision should be covered by what I wrote above.

Imprisonment Ball:
- added Ranged and Physical.
- Orb explosion, damage and range (that was a good point) have been added/updated.

Death Saucer (300) (Requires Ranged, Remote Control Prof) - Koola lifts an open palm upward and creates a spinning disc of magenta energy with a deep red core with a 75cm diameter, taking about two seconds where he must remain still (though it can be summoned while falling) and he cannot perform any other attacks; taking damage will interrupt the charge. The edge of the disc is sharp and acts like a moving buzzsaw (the damage/severity of the cut depending on Koola's ATK stat to his target's durability/DEF stat for a Prime). Koola throws the disc, where it travels at the speed of an arrow and moves in a straight line. After loosing it, Koola can redirect the disc's path with a curt hand gesture if he so chooses (eg. flinging his hand left to right across his chest to make it turn right). Koola must maintain eye contact with and concentrate on the Death Saucer in order to redirect it (however he can attack after throwing it if he isn't redirecting it), and his control over it vanishes after a hundred and fifty metres. The death saucer, to perform a full 180 degree turn, will do so in four seconds, taking a wide arc. If it misses its target, the Death Saucer will continue on until it collides with an object of sufficient mass to stop it (eg. the ground). Koola can summon four of these in a five minute period without tiring.

Imprisonment Ball (300) (Requires Area Attack, Ranged, Physical, Telekinesis) - Koola throws out an open hand and fires a two-metre ring of orange energy at the speed of an arrow after a charge of three seconds. The ring dissipates after five metres so Koola has to be close. When the ring makes contact, it encircles the target in an orange orb of energy and completely immobilises them, preventing them from moving or attacking. Koola must continue channelling his energy to maintain the prison, and can hold it for as long as twenty seconds before he loses his grip. As long as Koola doesn't allow twenty seconds to pass, he can drop his focus and attack the orb, sending it flying in the direction of his hit at the speed of an arrow and causing it to explode with the first surface that isn't Koola. The explosion does moderate damage in a five metre diameter, but if the orb doesn't hit another surface after three hundred metres, the orb dispels. He has a window of two seconds to hit the orb after he stops channelling, otherwise the orb will dissipate. Koola must remain still while charging, firing and channelling, and taking damage during any phase will disrupt the attack. Due to the technique's drawbacks, outside of channelling the orb, Koola does not get very fatigued from multiple uses; however holding a target for its full duration three times in succession (up to a minute) will tire him.

[Cobalt]

First off, from the looks of things, you're stunning someone for 2 seconds. Prolonged effects like that require the debuff proficiency.

Secondly, I don't think the move reads as clearly as it could, which is likely leading to some problems.

What I gather from reading it is:
>He has a thin chain gauntlet on his right hand, and there's a black rectangle on the back of it.
>He can reach his hand towards someone, and sparks will fly towards them and stun them (but the exact range of this is unclear).
>That person is then stunned for 2 seconds.
>He can only use it 3 times during a fight.
>He has to wait 10 seconds after each use to reuse it.
>If he turns it on and doesn't use it for 2 minutes, it might zaps him instead (or becomes unusable).

But:
>It is unclear whether or not it does damage (does it just stun, do damage, or both?)
>There's no information about how long it takes to turn on, or turn off, or if it's just instant (although I'd assume it's instant if you don't say anything there).
>You seem to suggest people wearing metal will be stunned longer, but don't say how much longer.
>There should be some information on what the stunning does. It's not strictly required, but I generally find it's better to be specific.
>I'm not sure whether this is touch based, or just a very short distance.

Suggestion:
Based on what Omni said in your joining app, and some things I think you should add, you could change the move to say (changes in bold):

“Hand zappy thing?”(requires Physical Strength, Debuff Proficiency) – 300 OM

This device would only be noticed by either touching it, being affected by it, or close observation. The device itself appears to be a thin, wide spaced chain-mail covering the user's right hand and a thin black rectangle stretching lengthwise across his right gauntlet. Upon activation of this device, a low hum and small electrical arcs would sprout from his hand when contacting metal. Cobalt can use the weapon instantly by aiming his wrist, and the electricity arcs up to 2ft towards the target. This feels like a painful shock if it hits, but doesn't do any damage - its main purpose is to incapacitate the target by stunning them. If Cobalt's ATK is equal to the opponent's DEF score, this stuns for a couple of seconds. If double or more, it stuns for up to five seconds. If half or less, this stuns for a second or less. The device seems quite makeshift, it can only be used three times before burning up and requires one minute to recharge after every use. It also has a tendency to overheat while idle, to the point that using it after two minutes would either burn it out or severely shock the user instead of the intended target.

Or, take a crack at doing something similar yourself, if you'd prefer. Since I don't know if the above mirrors your intentions.

Also, welcome to the Omniverse dude.

“Hand zappy thing?”(requires Physical Strength, Debuff Proficiency) – 300 OM
This device would only be notice by either being affected by it or close observation. The device itself appears to be a thin, wide spaced chain-mail covering the user's right hand and a thin black rectangle stretching lengthwise across his right gauntlet. Activation of the device requires the user the slide a switch downwards towards his wrist across the black box, which would only take half a second if uninterrupted. The victim must come into physical contact with the device to be affected, only stunning for 2 seconds if the victims DEF is lower than Cobalt's ATK, if his ATK is double or more than the victim's DEF, it would lengthen stun duration to five seconds . The device seems quite make shift, it can only be used three times before burning up, and requires a ten second recharge after every use, it has a tendency to overheat while idle, to the point that using it after two minutes would either burn it out, or severely shock the user instead of the intended target.

How's this? I never intended it to be a ranged weapon of any sort, He'd have to punch or grab someone with it for it to work. I guess I can see why people would get confused.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Cobalt:
The details are there, but I think you should stick with the 1-minute cooldown Omni suggested in your joining app, rather than just 10 seconds. If you want the shorter cooldown, I think you should either add another drawback or make the move a bit weaker.

Essentially, it's good and you've got the move down, but the balancing is a bit off.

---

@Illidan/Koola:

Death Saucer:
This is good. I think it's ready for approval.

Imprisonment Ball:

• Can the user move around or do other things while using/charging the move, or must they be stationary? Required for all moves except weapons that exist in real-life. Examples: "Can be used while moving at full speed." "Slows the user to half speed while using." "Must be stationary to use." "Can be used while moving, but splits focus, making it harder to aim and use at full strength."

So, instead of:

Koola throws out an open hand and fires a two-metre ring of orange energy at the speed of an arrow after a charge of three seconds.

Maybe say something like:

Koola throws out an open hand and fires a two-metre ring of orange energy at the speed of an arrow after a stationary charge of three seconds.

Or maybe:

Koola throws out an open hand and fires a two-metre ring of orange energy at the speed of an arrow after a charge of three seconds - during which he can move at full/half speed.

Also, I think the max knockback is too large. 300m is huge. Given that this move uses telekinesis, and I'd assume being knocked back is assisted by it, I think you should limit the knockback to the edge of his telekinesis range. But, you could always add in that the ball will explode at that distance if it hadn't hit anything by then.

So, instead of:

but if the orb doesn't hit another surface after three hundred metres, the orb dispels

Maybe say something like:

the orb will also explode if it reaches the edge of Koola's telekinesis range without hitting anything

[Cell]

I think the knockback is too much as well, I think the telekinesis range is a good choice. Cheers Ebonywood.

[Guu]

[Ignore this post. Passing mod please delete]

[Guu]

@Guu:
For Backlace, you might need a slight damage reduction or some additional drawback for the second gun, since needing to steal underwear is probably more of a fodder thing rather than a downside making it harder to do.

Backlace (600) Ranged Proficiency
[float=right][/float]
When in need of a weapon, she’ll remove her own panties and transform them into her primary weapon, the Backlace. This weapon takes the appearance of a semi-automatic M1911 pistol with a glowing cyan finish and indigo artistic flourishes. It fires what appears to be .45 rounds, but they are actually made of heavenly energy, allowing it to harm phasing and disassembled targets.. It can effectively fire 20-30 rounds per second, and has a range of 50 meters. She’s not required to reload this weapon, but it can overheat if fired consistently up to its effective speed for over a minute.
If she manages to obtain underwear from another woman, she can duel wield two Backlaces. The number of bullets she’s able to fire at one time doubles, but her accuracy takes a sizable hit. Other than that, drawbacks and benefits are the same.

- Made the accuracy drawback larger

For Heavenly Explosion you might want to specify that the target only explodes if the shot is powerful enough to kill them, otherwise it's just the energy-bullet which does the exploding... since exploding does generally tend to be fatal to those who do it, and obviously a move which instakills a Prime wouldn't get approved.

Well, outside blowing up NPCs, that would make this move only something that could happen in the post-match of a battle... are moves for finale's even a thing?

Is there a way I can reword this so I could use the explosions from the show but still make it usable?

Then again, probably not...