Move Creation Workshop

[Harlan Higgs]

I have a batch of conceptual supers that I think need some peer review.

Tier 1 Utility: Mayaparitsatya

Concentrating the full force of his chimerical might, Harlan brings a location from his imagination to life. The immediate area surrounding him, up to the size of one city block (1000 square feet), transforms into another environment constructed entirely of realistic illusions. It can be any setting Harlan chooses, typically somewhere cluttered with objects and hiding spaces he can use to take advantage of his Obfuscate ability. Everything feels real and is able to be affected normally, with the exception that attempting to destroy an illusory object makes it burst in a cloud of smoke. This setting cannot include harmful accoutremonts such as traps and lethal objects, although it can be constructed to appear that way.

------------
Also, would the following move require telepathy or just debuff?

Tier 1 Utility: Lovecraft in Brooklyn

Weaving Tremere Blood Magic and the Malkavian discipline of Dementation into his own chimerical power, Harlan physically touches an opponent's head. He must maintain contact for three seconds or else the move fails. Once the requirement is fulfilled, the opponent immediately experiences a drastic change in their state of mind. They become overwhelmed with paranoia, fear, and suspicion, hallucinating their own personal nightmares and failures. These apparitions will actually appear as fully formed illusions, and act out behaviors that would most unnerve the victim. They have no power to harm and cannot be banished, although each individual manifestation disappears within ten seconds at the most.

If they are fighting with someone, their allies are regarded with just as much suspicion and discontent as Harlan himself, to the point of refusal to fight together. 

The altered mental state results in a heavy penalty to TEC and SPD while the victim watches shadows and mumbles justifications to themself. The effects last a full two minutes, after which the debuff and hallucinatory illusions go away but the paranoia and fear remain for another 10 minutes.

[Cirno]

Snowball (300) (requires ranged proficiency, debuff proficiency)
Cirno will summon a stack of snowballs by her (they stay in battle until all five are used) to make all five it takes aproximatly five seconds to make five. The recharge is about ten seconds. the concentration is about half, and her energy consumption is fairly minor (like making a actual snowball). The snowballs are a couple inches in diameter. They don't really damage but they do cause the person who is hit to be slowed down by 5% (no matter how many is created 5% is the maximum debuff for this move) anyone can use said snowballs on anyone and the effect will apply. The snowballs move at the speed of 15 mph.

Ice aura (300) (requires area attack, ranged proficiency, debuff)
Cirno has a simple ice aura that will passively affect anyone that is within five feet of her. effects are shivering, frostbite (this is prolonged effects of being near her), etc. This aura will slow and damage the person (slowly I might add so a battle over three rounds might rack one or two damage with this move if there a melee fighter) This move has minimal concentration and energy consumption (like breathing easy). The debuff slows anyone down 4-5% while inside also but that slowing stops once someone has left the circle of effect.

[Simon]

Trying to create something different. This weapon has always been unique in Dante's arsenal, and I wanted to see how well I could implement it here. The cost reflects 4 different ways of playing the guitar, plus a melee option. I want to know if there's any details that should be elaborated on or functions that aren't proper.


Nevan - 1500 OM (Requires Physical Strength, Ranged Proficiency, Area Attack, Homing)
   A Devil Arm imbued with the power of heavenly electricity. Dante can summon/dismiss this weapon at will with a couple seconds of concentration, but cannot effectively use it in tandem with any other Devil Arm. Though most Devil Arms take the form of a traditional sort of weapon, Nevan instead assumes the form of an electric guitar, standing at 3 feet long. Strung with strands of lightning, the tunes produced by this electric instrument are capable of summoning radical power when played in certain ways.
   The guitar abilities can all be used as quickly as Dante can played them, and in rapid succession of each other, but as long as Dante plays we will gradually drain his own stamina. Playing for a whole minute will tire him out too much to keep going, for instance. While Dante uses Nevan in any of these ways, he cannot run, jump, dash, or use any other weapons, requiring a still body and use of both hands.
   The guitar abilities are as follows:

• A simple strum of the guitar generates a single electric bat the size of Dante's chest. It instantly flies at the speed of a bird from the head of the instrument towards a target Dante designates, like a homing projectile. The bat will burst in a thunderous shockwave if it is damaged, impacts a target or obstacle, or reaches its maximum range of 20 meters.
  

• A pluck of the electric strings shoots a short-range burst of lightning, directed from either the head or the neck of Nevan. The bolt is practically instantaneous in its speed, but only reaches out to 5 meters. Additionally, it is unpredictable in its movement, so it will not often hit exactly on the mark Dante points at- if he's aiming for the chest, the bolt might instead hit an arm, leg, head, or even something else entirely.
  

• Playing a riff on Nevan will begin to generate multiple electric bats, like those from a strum. So long as he plays, Dante can charge up one electric bet per second, up to a maximum of 5. These bats will orbit around Dante as the riff plays, acting as an impromptu barrier against attacks- bats destroyed from attacks will be regenerated if Dante keeps playing the riff. As soon as Dante releases the riff, all currently existing bats home in on a single target, identically to a strum maneuver.
  

• Dante can grind on the strings to generate harsh reverb, which unleashes a pulse of electricity in a 5-meter spherical area. The attack deals less effective damage than a regular bolt, but produces a shockwave that can force away enemies with weaker defenses.
  

   Finally, separate from any of the guitar's features, there is a hidden function in the instrument. Dante can instantly fold the fin of the guitar into a four-pronged scythe, allowing for lightning-charged melee slashes. While in its scythe form, Dante is not limited in his movement, but Nevan cannot perform any of its guitar abilities.

[All Might]

Passing on One For All - 300 OM - Buff Proficiency

All Might gives an ally some of his DNA, with intent to transfer his power to them. 

As opposed to My Hero Academia, the effect here is both immediate, and temporary. For about three minutes after taking in All Might's DNA (usually in the form of a plucked hair), the intended recipient will gain some of All Might's powers, specifically, temporary stat increase of 1 in ATK and SPD, as well as temporary use of Burst Movement and Master Super Jump.

The underside of this is that during those three minutes, All Might temporarily loses 1 point of SPD and ATK stats, and will not have access to any of his other moves. In addition he will also be unable to use any of his powers for the duration of those three minutes. 

Once his powers and stats have returned at the end of the three, for approximately an hour afterwards he will be exhausted and in pain, which will hamper his ability to fight.

[Amaterasu]

I have a batch of conceptual supers that I think need some peer review.

Tier 1 Utility: Mayaparitsatya

Concentrating the full force of his chimerical might, Harlan brings a location from his imagination to life. The immediate area surrounding him, up to the size of one city block (1000 square feet), transforms into another environment constructed entirely of realistic illusions. It can be any setting Harlan chooses, typically somewhere cluttered with objects and hiding spaces he can use to take advantage of his Obfuscate ability. Everything feels real and is able to be affected normally, with the exception that attempting to destroy an illusory object makes it burst in a cloud of smoke. This setting cannot include harmful accoutremonts such as traps and lethal objects, although it can be constructed to appear that way.

------------
Also, would the following move require telepathy or just debuff?

Tier 1 Utility: Lovecraft in Brooklyn

Weaving Tremere Blood Magic and the Malkavian discipline of Dementation into his own chimerical power, Harlan physically touches an opponent's head. He must maintain contact for three seconds or else the move fails. Once the requirement is fulfilled, the opponent immediately experiences a drastic change in their state of mind. They become overwhelmed with paranoia, fear, and suspicion, hallucinating their own personal nightmares and failures. These apparitions will actually appear as fully formed illusions, and act out behaviors that would most unnerve the victim. They have no power to harm and cannot be banished, although each individual manifestation disappears within ten seconds at the most.

If they are fighting with someone, their allies are regarded with just as much suspicion and discontent as Harlan himself, to the point of refusal to fight together. 

The altered mental state results in a heavy penalty to TEC and SPD while the victim watches shadows and mumbles justifications to themself. The effects last a full two minutes, after which the debuff and hallucinatory illusions go away but the paranoia and fear remain for another 10 minutes.

Tier 1 Utility: Mayaparitsatya I'm not sure about this one. It sounds like it would have too many possible applications, especially if the illusionary constructs can be destroyed that easily (imagine someone climbing say, a building, then having Harlan destroy it to make them fall). Also, allowing Harlan to shape the illusion in any way he likes... I'm not sure if that's too variable for a single move. Plus, there doesn't seem to be any way to prevent or block the move outside of escaping its area of influence.
But like I said, Super Moves are a complex thing that I have trouble with, so I can't help a lot with it.
You should also note how long it lasts!


Tier 1 Utility: Lovecraft in Brooklyn This one I think is far too powerful for a T1 Super Utility.
-2 minutes of illusions that penalize SPD and TEC plus 10 minutes of paranoia (if I understand correctly, this has no stat debuffs?) is easily going to cover the full duration of 99% of the fights if Harlan successfully uses it right at the beginning.
-Depending on how strong the SPD and TEC penalty is the strength of this utility would be comparable to a Power-Up with just the debuff, but there is more effect on top of that.
-Influencing not only the original user but also their allies makes the move even stronger.
-There is no appearant way to block or "purge" the debuff outside of escaping Harlan's grip before the 3 seconds are up.

I'd probably say that it requires Telepathy since it messes with one's mind. Furthermore, it should be blockable/purgeable by a Super Defense (maybe using one automatically purges the Debuff?), tone down the time (by a lot! Maybe 30 seconds of illusions and 30 seconds of paranoia or something to that effect), note if Harlan expends any SP if his opponent escapes his grip before the 3 seconds are up, and be more specific to how the penalty applies. Does it reduce SPD and TEC by 50%? By a fixed number?
You could also make it a sort of "reverse Power-Up" which expends SP every post to keep up the debuff. This would balance the move somewhat more. But as it is, I don't see it getting approved.

Snowball (300) (requires ranged proficiency, debuff proficiency)
Cirno will summon a stack of snowballs by her (they stay in battle until all five are used) to make all five it takes aproximatly five seconds to make five. The recharge is about ten seconds. the concentration is about half, and her energy consumption is fairly minor (like making a actual snowball). The snowballs are a couple inches in diameter. They don't really damage but they do cause the person who is hit to be slowed down by 5% (no matter how many is created 5% is the maximum debuff for this move) anyone can use said snowballs on anyone and the effect will apply. The snowballs move at the speed of 15 mph.

Ice aura (300) (requires area attack, ranged proficiency, debuff)
Cirno has a simple ice aura that will passively affect anyone that is within five feet of her. effects are shivering, frostbite (this is prolonged effects of being near her), etc. This aura will slow and damage the person (slowly I might add so a battle over three rounds might rack one or two damage with this move if there a melee fighter) This move has minimal concentration and energy consumption (like breathing easy). The debuff slows anyone down 4-5% while inside also but that slowing stops once someone has left the circle of effect.

Snowball
I bolded a part where you made a writing error!
-When does Cirno start recharging for 10 seconds? After finishing the summoning or after throwing all snowballs?
-Can Cirno summon multiple stacks over time?
-5% and no real damage is very weak! Of course, you can keep it that way if you like but I would say that raising the slow a bit would be no problem.
-How long does the 5% debuff last?
-I don't think that it's permissible to let other people use your move, unless maybe you combine it with Buff proficiency to give it to allies, and bump the cost up to 600.

Ice Aura It should be a little more energy-consuming to use this. And is the aura visible in any way?

Trying to create something different. This weapon has always been unique in Dante's arsenal, and I wanted to see how well I could implement it here. The cost reflects 4 different ways of playing the guitar, plus a melee option. I want to know if there's any details that should be elaborated on or functions that aren't proper.


Nevan - 1500 OM (Requires Physical Strength, Ranged Proficiency, Area Attack, Homing)
   A Devil Arm imbued with the power of heavenly electricity. Dante can summon/dismiss this weapon at will with a couple seconds of concentration, but cannot effectively use it in tandem with any other Devil Arm. Though most Devil Arms take the form of a traditional sort of weapon, Nevan instead assumes the form of an electric guitar, standing at 3 feet long. Strung with strands of lightning, the tunes produced by this electric instrument are capable of summoning radical power when played in certain ways.
   The guitar abilities can all be used as quickly as Dante can played them, and in rapid succession of each other, but as long as Dante plays we will gradually drain his own stamina. Playing for a whole minute will tire him out too much to keep going, for instance. While Dante uses Nevan in any of these ways, he cannot run, jump, dash, or use any other weapons, requiring a still body and use of both hands.
   The guitar abilities are as follows:

• A simple strum of the guitar generates a single electric bat the size of Dante's chest. It instantly flies at the speed of a bird from the head of the instrument towards a target Dante designates, like a homing projectile. The bat will burst in a thunderous shockwave if it is damaged, impacts a target or obstacle, or reaches its maximum range of 20 meters.
  

• A pluck of the electric strings shoots a short-range burst of lightning, directed from either the head or the neck of Nevan. The bolt is practically instantaneous in its speed, but only reaches out to 5 meters. Additionally, it is unpredictable in its movement, so it will not often hit exactly on the mark Dante points at- if he's aiming for the chest, the bolt might instead hit an arm, leg, head, or even something else entirely.
  

• Playing a riff on Nevan will begin to generate multiple electric bats, like those from a strum. So long as he plays, Dante can charge up one electric bet per second, up to a maximum of 5. These bats will orbit around Dante as the riff plays, acting as an impromptu barrier against attacks- bats destroyed from attacks will be regenerated if Dante keeps playing the riff. As soon as Dante releases the riff, all currently existing bats home in on a single target, identically to a strum maneuver.
  

• Dante can grind on the strings to generate harsh reverb, which unleashes a pulse of electricity in a 5-meter spherical area. The attack deals less effective damage than a regular bolt, but produces a shockwave that can force away enemies with weaker defenses.
  

   Finally, separate from any of the guitar's features, there is a hidden function in the instrument. Dante can instantly fold the fin of the guitar into a four-pronged scythe, allowing for lightning-charged melee slashes. While in its scythe form, Dante is not limited in his movement, but Nevan cannot perform any of its guitar abilities.

I would say that the "riff" electrical bats acting as a shield and homing in on an opponent as soon as the riff is finished would need Area Shield, and another 300 added to the total cost. Other than that, I think that the move is okay as it is!

Passing on One For All - 300 OM - Buff Proficiency

All Might gives an ally some of his DNA, with intent to transfer his power to them. 

As opposed to My Hero Academia, the effect here is both immediate, and temporary. For about three minutes after taking in All Might's DNA (usually in the form of a plucked hair), the intended recipient will gain some of All Might's powers, specifically, temporary stat increase of 1 in ATK and SPD, as well as temporary use of Burst Movement and Master Super Jump.

The underside of this is that during those three minutes, All Might temporarily loses 1 point of SPD and ATK stats, and will not have access to any of his other moves. In addition he will also be unable to use any of his powers for the duration of those three minutes. 

Once his powers and stats have returned at the end of the three, for approximately an hour afterwards he will be exhausted and in pain, which will hamper his ability to fight.

I'm not sure if the stat transfer is okay to use - you'll have to ask Move Approval staff! I also see the issue here that if you use the move you are effectively making yourself unable to participate in the fight for 3 minutes (outside perhaps of incidental moves or punches/kicks, but are still a target. 3 minutes is going to be longer than most fights last.
The one-hour drawback is unnecessarily strong, I think. You can tone it down to a few minutes, or replace it with a less brutal disadvantage. That's your personal choice though, if you want to keep it if you think that it's necessary.
Finally, please add the Powers that you want to transfer to someone else to the move requirements. With that you should be good to go.

[Summer]

A buncha stuff that vaguely works together. Sorry for the huge move dump >.<

[spoiler]Sonny (Alternate Form) (2000): Somerled and Sonny swap out, changing who is in control of their shared body. This can be done in one of two ways. With full cooperation from both of them, they simply overwrite Somerled’s form with Sonny’s or vice-versa, dissolving one and using the power to reconstruct the other. Or it can be done should one half stubbornly refuse, by materializing the second body and forcing the first to disperse. This takes twice as long, however, uses up much more energy than a cooperative change, and prevents form changing until the stubborn one calms down.
ATK: 0
DEF: 5
SPD: 0
TEC: 5

Not particularly worried about this one. Arbitrary downsides are arbitrary.
[/spoiler]

[spoiler]T1 Super Defense: Two Bodies, One Mind (Alt Form, Area Shield) (600): A move that allows for both a defense and a swap. In the face of an oncoming attack, either Somerled or Sonny, depending upon who is the dominant half, relinquishes their permanence and grants the other half a large amount of magic. The now temporary body then acts as a decoy, taking the blow while the dominant half manifests in the new, permanent body, safely on the other side of the old over the course of five seconds. Once a T1 super worth of damage has been sustained, the non-dominant body fizzles away and the consciousness resides in their shared body once again. This move forces an alternate form change, swapping Somerled with Sonny and vice-versa.

Worried about this one. Not sure if that sort of swap defense is allowed.
[/spoiler]

[spoiler]Sun and Parhelia (Ranged, Ranged Materialize, Area Attack, Buff, Debuff) (900): Sonny stands still, channeling his powers as the spirit of sun and clear skies for three seconds, gathering brilliant sunlight around him. His body quickly begins to glow brightly, ramping up to full shine over the short charge session. Once his magic is fully channeled, it becomes much easier to hold, allowing Sonny to once again move around, fight, and even take hits as he maintains the spell. For as long as he chooses to hold onto his glow, he burns incredibly brightly, shining with a light that makes it very difficult, but not outright impossible, to look directly at him. Along with this light, he radiates an intense dry heat, making those who get within 2 meters of him feel like they’re standing under a midday desert sun; uncomfortable, but not immediately harmful. Sonny can maintain this spell for as long as he has the energy to. With its moderate magic drain, this means he can typically hold it for around a minute before the exhaustion becomes too great. Once he’s done with it, he simply stops the channel, snapping the light off in an instant. This sudden brightness change also happens to mess with people’s eyesight, causing slight hindrance to their vision for five seconds while their eyes adjust back to normal. The radiant heat also quickly cools off in this time, returning everything back to normal.

Parhelia: An alternate version of this move, inspired by the sun’s companions, Parhelia, allows Sonny to grant the light to someone else for a time. While both he and up to two allies remain still, Sonny concentrates, channelling the sun’s powers over the course of 6 or 9 seconds, dependent upon whether he’s granting it to one or two people. Dazzling sunlight slowly washes over the allies affected, and soon they’re fully enveloped by it, becoming almost as bright as a second sun. While in this state, they radiate all the effects of the spell normally, difficult to look at and uncomfortable to be around. Due to a tweak to the way he grants this buff, it behaves more like a curse, feeding off the energy of the people he attaches it to rather than his own, though with twice the drain, preventing allies from holding onto it for more than half a minute without getting exhausted. An additional adjustment allows holders of the spell to break it when they want, preventing it from using up all of an ally’s energy, but also preventing him from placing it on an enemy and allowing it to just free-drain their energy without a fight. When the wielder is ready, the light simply snaps off just like the base version, messing with vision and cooling off quickly. 

This one I'm not sure about the curse-like aspect of it. It uses the energy of allies rather than him, which I'm not sure is doable.
[/spoiler]

[spoiler]T1 Super Defense: High Pressure Shield (Area Shield, Ranged) (600): By concentrating the very same dispersive forces that envelop him, Sonny is able to create an incredibly compact and resilient high-pressure system. Over the course of about four seconds, Sonny concentrates, coalescing his repulsive magic around either himself or an ally within 30 meters of him, and creating a warm, glowing translucent bubble just large enough to completely cover whoever is being defended, but can only get up to 12 feet in diameter. This bubble lasts for up to ten seconds, or until a T1 Super worth of damage has been mitigated, deflecting glancing attacks and greatly diminishing the strength of direct attacks, like his own aura naturally does.

So Sonny isn't forced to change every time he wants to defend himself >.>
[/spoiler]

[Amaterasu]

Sonny (Alternate Form) I wouldn't even put the disadvantages into it. Alt forms have a pretty clear set of rulings, if you give them a disadvantage it'll be fluff and little more. Of course, if you want to do it go ahead.

T1 Super Defense: Two Bodies, One Mind The alt form swap is allowed, as far as I know. I remember Arty doing something to that effect when she submitted DVa and her T1 Super Attack, forcing her to swap from mecha to pilot form and vice versa.
Although, the move description is a little confusing. I don't see when the new permanent body is created and the temporary body is left behind. Just keep in mind that an outsider needs to be able to understand this easily when reading it.

Sun and Parhelia I have no idea if it is okayable to have the "curse" feed off of other people's stamina, though seeing how they can just disable it at a moment's notice I don't think that it should be a problem. Everything else looks good, I can see no errors.

T1 Super Defense: High Pressure Shield8 seconds sounds awfully long since it's a Super Defense, reacting to a Super Attack typically. You could probably reduce it to less. The ability of materializing a shield around an ally would bump the cost up though.

[Summer]

Sonny (Alternate Form) I wouldn't even put the disadvantages into it. Alt forms have a pretty clear set of rulings, if you give them a disadvantage it'll be fluff and little more. Of course, if you want to do it go ahead.

T1 Super Defense: Two Bodies, One Mind The alt form swap is allowed, as far as I know. I remember Arty doing something to that effect when she submitted DVa and her T1 Super Attack, forcing her to swap from mecha to pilot form and vice versa.
Although, the move description is a little confusing. I don't see when the new permanent body is created and the temporary body is left behind. Just keep in mind that an outsider needs to be able to understand this easily when reading it.

Sun and Parhelia I have no idea if it is okayable to have the "curse" feed off of other people's stamina, though seeing how they can just disable it at a moment's notice I don't think that it should be a problem. Everything else looks good, I can see no errors.

T1 Super Defense: High Pressure Shield8 seconds sounds awfully long since it's a Super Defense, reacting to a Super Attack typically. You could probably reduce it to less. The ability of materializing a shield around an ally would bump the cost up though.

Two Bodies: The new body is created and the old body acts as a shield, taking the attack, which is why its left behind. Hopefully that helps clear up confusion.

High Pressure Shield: Lowered to 4 seconds. How much would the cost be bumped up though?

[Amaterasu]

Sonny (Alternate Form) I wouldn't even put the disadvantages into it. Alt forms have a pretty clear set of rulings, if you give them a disadvantage it'll be fluff and little more. Of course, if you want to do it go ahead.

T1 Super Defense: Two Bodies, One Mind The alt form swap is allowed, as far as I know. I remember Arty doing something to that effect when she submitted DVa and her T1 Super Attack, forcing her to swap from mecha to pilot form and vice versa.
Although, the move description is a little confusing. I don't see when the new permanent body is created and the temporary body is left behind. Just keep in mind that an outsider needs to be able to understand this easily when reading it.

Sun and Parhelia I have no idea if it is okayable to have the "curse" feed off of other people's stamina, though seeing how they can just disable it at a moment's notice I don't think that it should be a problem. Everything else looks good, I can see no errors.

T1 Super Defense: High Pressure Shield8 seconds sounds awfully long since it's a Super Defense, reacting to a Super Attack typically. You could probably reduce it to less. The ability of materializing a shield around an ally would bump the cost up though.

Two Bodies: The new body is created and the old body acts as a shield, taking the attack, which is why its left behind. Hopefully that helps clear up confusion.

High Pressure Shield: Lowered to 4 seconds. How much would the cost be bumped up though?

Right, that makes more sense. And for the High Pressure Shield, I'm starting to doubt my own words actually - it may be that you have to pay 2x (so 1200) for the ability to materialize it around other people, but on the other hand the shield is doing the same thing, it's just summoned at a different location. I think that that alone wouldn't bump the cost up. I'm not 100% positive on this though. The MA staff will probably know better

[Cirno]

Snowball (300) (requires ranged proficiency, debuff proficiency)
Cirno will summon a stack of snowballs by her (they stay in battle until all five are used) to make all five it takes aproximatly five seconds. The recharge is about ten seconds. the concentration is about half, and her energy consumption is fairly minor (like making a actual snowball). The snowballs are a couple inches in diameter. They don't really damage but they do cause the person who is hit to be slowed down by 5% (no matter how many is created 5% is the maximum debuff for this move). The snowballs move at the speed of 15 mph. She can use all five snowball or not but her recharging is right after making them, she can summon multiple stacks over time and the debuff lasts the match (aka why it has such powerful debuffs against it.)

Ice aura (300) (requires area attack, ranged proficiency, debuff)
Cirno has a simple ice aura that will passively affect anyone that is within five feet of her. effects are shivering, frostbite (this is prolonged effects of being near her), etc. This aura will slow and damage the person (slowly I might add so a battle over three rounds might rack one or two damage with this move if there a melee fighter) This move has minimal concentration and energy consumption (It is like doing stretches before working out. Not to exhausting but still having some energy consumption to them.). The debuff slows anyone down 4-5% while inside also but that slowing stops once someone has left the circle of effect. the aura is visable with frost on the ground for limited times and slowly but surely icicles will start forming on the ground and they will grow. It follows her around like a trail (this is fodder) and the frost will leave after a couple minutes in any verse. (this is also fodder)

Snowball
I revised it and given that it lasts the entire fight would it still be fine to bump up the slowness debuff? (was thinking on making it like 10% without the entirety of the fight)

Ice Aura everything in bold is revised or added.

[Jack Darby]

Would someone help me write up a suitable form of "Corridors of Darkness" for me to later submit to move approval, for Repliku once he's approved, please? Not sure where to begin on it.

[Amaterasu]

@Warren Did you post the move into the Workshop already? If not, please do so we can take a look!

@Cirno I'm not 100% certain if a debuff lasting for an entire fight would be approvable. You could possibly put a high duration on it if you make the debuff very minor (5%) and consuming little energy, but as a guideline, 30 seconds is what most debuffs last. You could perhaps bump the debuff to 10% and make the duration 30 seconds or less, with little energy consumption, dealing no damage and it missing easily at long distances?

Ice Aura looks good to go though.

[Jack Darby]

Corridors of Darkness:  (???,  Unsure what Proficiencies/Powers): 

Corridors of Darkness are Dark Pathways that originally could have allowed someone to travel between worlds,  but are not as powerful in the Omniverse. They're used by Repliku as a sort of "Pocket Dimension" in which he stores any items that he personally needs, but can also be used as a means of traveling short distances when he's in a hurry. 


What I have so far on the Corridors of Darkness.

[Amaterasu]

Well, the whole pocket dimension in which Repliku can store what he wants is a fluff move that you wouldn't need to pay for, unless you want to give it some sort of combat capability - like say, sucking items or even people into it or what have you.

"Means of traveling short distances" depends on how you want to cover said distance. Does Repliku open a portal to step through, does he vanish in one place and appear at another, does he simply run faster while traversing a Corridor of Darkness? As Mark said (I found you guys's discussion) it could also be based on items like the Warp Whistle to revisit a place Repliku has been to before, or Teleporters or a Recall Station. In most instances that would make Corridors of Darkness a fluff move. If you want to go for portals you can also look at Blink's Roster, she has a pair of moves based on portals.
If none of those options fit, can you give us a little more information on what you want Corridors of Darkness to do, specifically?

[Jack Darby]

Basically Repliku would be using them as "short cuts" so he doesn't have to walk the whole 2-4-6 hours between the Gates, essentially. As to the Corridors, he opens one and then walks into it, and another opens closer to his destination. In short, it's a way for him to shorten the amount of travel that he has to make. And I do plan on it having combat utility, but not sucking up people. Like say if someone tried to shoot him in the back, or something, a Corridor could automatically open, suck up the attack and return to sender in the face of the sender. Of course, he could also use it to attack his opponent perhaps, by simply opening one, walking through it, and going behind them to attack them from behind. There's many combat applications that avoid sucking people up.

[Amaterasu]

Well, the whole "shortening travel time" is unlikely to be a thing. Chaining together Teleportation or using Super Speed for extended periods of time is going to exhaust your character VERY quickly - you would maybe cover 1-2 kilometers (10-20 teleportations of 100m each) in, let's say 20-40 seconds (2 seconds of chargeup per teleport) before collapsing from the exhaustion. Super Speed is not going to be quite as exhausting I believe, but unless you have ridiculous SPD stats any vehicle will outmatch your character. You'd best stick to regular travel with vehicles for high-distance travel. They're about as fast as teleporting like I just wrote, and won't exhaust you one bit.

Opening portals would have to be divided into various moves of their own. The portal that would suck up a projectile and send it out another way would be one thing. Same for say, opening a portal beneath someone's feet and one in the air to drop them from it and injure them through the fall. This is the only difficult thing on this list - I'd recommend that you make a list of the applications you want it to have.

And finally, Repliku using it to instantly travel around the battlefield would be a pretty straight application of teleportation. You could fashion it into a move if you want it to open a portal that stays open for a few seconds - again, refer to Blink's roster for that one - or just have Repliku vanish in one place and reappear in another.

[Jack Darby]

Black Heart - (300, Ranged Proficiency, Physical Strength Proficiency.) 

Black Heart is a Key-Blade born from Darkness itself, though it still possesses many of the abilities of a Traditional Key-Blade. For example, the key-blade can unlock any lock, magical or mundane. The Key-Blade can also be used as a sword, or as a ranged weapon. This blade has a length of about 22 inches long, and a width of about 10 inches. The blade can be summoned in a flash of darkness by Repliku. 

[Amaterasu]

Black Heart - (300, Ranged Proficiency, Physical Strength Proficiency.) 

Black Heart is a Key-Blade born from Darkness itself, though it still possesses many of the abilities of a Traditional Key-Blade. For example, the key-blade can unlock any lock, magical or mundane. The Key-Blade can also be used as a sword, or as a ranged weapon. This blade has a length of about 22 inches long, and a width of about 10 inches. The blade can be summoned in a flash of darkness by Repliku. 

I recommend a thorough review of this one... you're missing too much essential information on the weapon, like how tiring it is to use, how fast it is to swing, and how it can be used as a ranged weapon.

Also, the "Can unlock any lock" is no bueno. It would allow you to pull things like opening other people's sealed Vaults, bypass security locks all over the Omniverse (Palpatine's tower comes to mind) and with some creativity unlock encrypted files/password-restricted access to Dataverse content. If you want to retain the "Can unlock stuff" ability, maybe have the Black Heart be a sort of handy swiss army key that can unlock any door that you would realistically have the key to in the first place (like to your own base, to vaults that you have access to etc.).

[Jack Darby]

Black Heart - (300, Ranged Proficiency, Physical Strength Proficiency.) 

 

A key blade that was created out of the Darkness from within Repliku's Heart. The Key-Blade can also be used as a sword, or as a ranged weapon. This blade has a length of about 22 inches long, and a width of about 10 inches. The blade can be summoned in a flash of darkness by Repliku. This key blade can be swung incredibly fast by Repliku and is usually meant to be wielded one-handed, leaving his hand free for another weapon, or move. This is moderately tiring for Repliku to use and takes him 20 seconds to summon. With RPer consent, this can be used to "lock" their heart, and prevent the formation of a Heartless or Nobody if any of the Heartless attempts to consume them. Furthermore, this also doubles as a swiss army key for Repliku. Should he ever have a place to call home, the Black Heart could act as a multi-purpose key for him. It can be used as a Ranged Weapon by either channeling spells through it to do an extra damage level, or by throwing it at an enemy. 

[Amaterasu]

Black Heart - (300, Ranged Proficiency, Physical Strength Proficiency.) 

 

A key blade that was created out of the Darkness from within Repliku's Heart. The Key-Blade can also be used as a sword, or as a ranged weapon. This blade has a length of about 22 inches long, and a width of about 10 inches. The blade can be summoned in a flash of darkness by Repliku. This key blade can be swung incredibly fast by Repliku and is usually meant to be wielded one-handed, leaving his hand free for another weapon, or move. This is moderately tiring for Repliku to use and takes him 20 seconds to summon. With RPer consent, this can be used to "lock" their heart, and prevent the formation of a Heartless or Nobody if any of the Heartless attempts to consume them. Furthermore, this also doubles as a swiss army key for Repliku. Should he ever have a place to call home, the Black Heart could act as a multi-purpose key for him. It can be used as a Ranged Weapon by either channeling spells through it to do an extra damage level, or by throwing it at an enemy. 

:frog: Is it summoned in a flash of darkness (which sounds like it's just about instantaneous) or in 20 seconds?

Throwing the key would bump the cost up to 600, I forgot to say that earlier. And is it just that - thrown and then it falls to the ground and must be recovered or resummoned, or does it does it boomerang back or reappear in Repliku's hand?

Using the key as a "wand" is possible, but unless you add a special mention to the moves that you will channel through the key and add an appropriate downside you won't be allowed to make the moves stronger simply because it's channeled.
You can also put the channeling thing out as fodder: "Repliku can also channel his spells through Black Heart if he so desires, though this does not change their properties."

Lastly I would recommend separating the fluff (the "lock" - this sounds pretty cool btw! - and the multi-purpose key) to the bottom of the move so as to make it clear what's what.