Beach Party Thread(Non-Canon)

[Ganondorf]

Ganondorf sat in the sand, rubbing his jaw a bit dejectedly. What the fuck had just happened? The old jerk he had screwed with had gotten up, walked off, come back like 2 seconds later (much more buff), and decked the Gerudo. The Dark Lord grumbled and sighed, shaking his head a bit to clear the stars. That was certainly uncalled for.

For a moment, he pondered simply staying put and hoping the shame of his loss to the weird man would cause him to shrivel up and die in the harsh beach sun. But, that damned Gerudo pride got the best of him, and Ganondorf rose to his feet, cracked his neck intimidatingly, and made a bee-line to the bar. Diablo gave him a pitying look and patted the large man on the shoulder.

"Tough luck, big guy. Maybe next time," the demon said, with a sad smile.

"Ugh," Ganondorf replied, "Women! And hell... men too. Am I right?"

The bartender nodded sagely in agreement, "Tell me about it. I've got a couple bitched down in the Underverse right now. Pains in my asses. Here, this one's on the house."

A dark brew was placed before Ganondorf, fizzing with some eldritch magic. After just one sip, the Gerudo spit it out and tried to clean his tongue with his fingers.

"What the fuck was that?!" he exclaimed.

"Just plain Pepsi."

"Never again. That swill tasted like how Sinestro looks."

[Caira Ayryn]

Aragorn tended to his bloodied skull after leaving swirls of crimson on the sand.

Meanwhile, Pinkiepie huffed in chortling gusts of air and imitated unconvincing cough noises. Seeing as that wasn't enough, her pony body played the part as she dramatically staggered on quaking knees before collapsing onto the ground with a hoof laying over her forehead.

"I'LL SAVE YOU!" Someone called from the distance, but before they could make it, a Snorlax fell from a shimmering distance high above and crash-landed on her, crushing the pink pony's body into the unsettled earth.

"ZzzZzzZzz"

...

By now, Caira was covered in the saline water that stung her eyes. Droplets had balanced on her lashes and leaked into her ears. It only got worse as she swung the gray fish high above her head by its tail fin and launched the gilled creature halfway across the beach, and right into the Snorlax that had collapsed on Pinkie Pie.

With an immediate thrash, the water laden girl turned her scornful gaze on the helpless Yamcha, and dragged him by the ear. "No more swimming for you! This outta teach you not to interrupt people's dates! I'll show you just how fake my really punch is!"

They made their way to the sand once more, as Caira inflicted

The Punishment.

Later, the monk glimpsed at a pink horse wriggling out from the bottom of a large... Uh... Bear?

Muffled and squeaked complaints could be heard, but created not-quite formed sentences. "M-mm, mm-m-MM!" The pink one worked to get herself unstuck as the two nobles met eyes once more.

"Want to play some volleyball?" Caira offered to the dreamy King and spun a ball in her hand.

King Aragorn looked into her eyes before humbly declining and telling her he must get back to his lifeguard duties. "When the sun goes down, I shall see you again."

It was a promise sealed in elvish and they parted ways.

...

At this point, the magenta pony's attempt had proved hopelessly unsuccessful. Who would have guessed that a wild Snorlax would crush her from the sky? Or that PP's nemmy the girl would be the actual one to save her from suffocating under a pokémon's ass?

The pony scowled and rubbed her askew mane back into proportion before getting her bearings. Far in the distance there was another pink figure, when she looked at him, she felt like he had the ability to deliver all the sweets in the world to her (a dream came true), but he had a funny nose, and she couldn't get over it. Instead, Pinkie Pie's attention reset on the more pressing predicament...

After PP rose to her four hooves Pepsi man approached the weary, bearing good tidings and fresh drinks. "Would you care for a glass?"

"Fine, I'll take one of your non-canon potions, but ONLY if you give that girl one. She has got some serious anti-canon bullshit going on."

Pepsiman delivered the drink to Caira who looked at it in question.

Pinkie Pie announced, "Caira, drink a Pepsi."

"Why?"

"Because you turn into a sass-mouth when you are anti-canon."

Caira took a sip and was restored to her demure and noble ways as the crisp flavor sizzled in her mouth, "Ahhhhh."

"PERRRFECT." Pinkie Pie schemed while grinding her two hooves together and noted that the girl's once-favorable flamboyance was gone. It would be much easier for the pony to walk over the gracious monk (now that Caira had honor to uphold) and right into the arms of the girl's boyfriend, King Aragorn.

Yes, the naive girl would have no idea that Pinkie was upon her.

[Thaal Sinestro]

"Don't worry about them," the red-skinned woman cooed, lacing her arm through Ganindorf's, green ring shining as her hand came to rest on his. "I can make sure you have some fun."

"SORANIK NATU!" Sinestro screamed from across the beach, "Get your hands off of that gerudo this instant!"

Latching firmly to the bronze-skinned man, she shouted back, "YOU DIDN'T RAISE ME! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

Ganondorf grinned at his former ally, quirking his burning brow in his direction mockingly. Sneering, Sinestro dropped his beach paraphernalia and leveled his yellow power ring at the red-headed hulk.


"Now honey," Arin tutted, "calm down. We're on vacation." She gently lowered her husband's arm and ran her fingers through his short hair, her white power ring radiant in the sun. "You're father can't help that he was banished to another dimension, sweetie!" she said to her daughter.

"Not like you were there either, mom!" Soranik pouted.

She stabbed the end of her beach umbrella into the ground and whipped the blanket open. "I was dead, sweetie."

Stomping a fit into the ground, Soranik summoned a winding green constrictor that bound up her interest. "But I like this one! I want to play Doctor!"

"You did not become korugar's greatest surgeon just to make that joke," Sinestro chuckled, opening his picnic basket. "Fine! Just don't let him turn into a pig!"

Soranik waved her hand in a peeshaw, "He seems so nice, don't worry dad." She lifted her closed fist, the emerald tether lifting her prize from the ground. "See you in a bit, fam'!" She shouted and in a busy of green light she jetted to the water's edge, her man in tow.

"I meant a literal pig," Sinestro said, rolling his eyes.

[Blackfire]

The Tamaranean vigorously brushed sand off of her arm and after kneeling, grumbled, brushing golden grains of sand from her knees and legs.

The sky was blue and the sun was shining. The temperature was also high. It should have constituted as a great atmosphere, but it wasn't. She did not know how she had gotten here. There was a lapse of memory and now she found herself surrounded by sand, sea, palms trees and tropical music. Blackfire hissed. She hated tropical music most of all.

What is going on? she wondered. She demanded an answer and rest assured, she would get an answer.

[Deadpool]

*fap fap*

[Gildarts]

As the pair approached Pepsiman, the soda-dude's senses tingled. "You... Are a coke-drinker!" The soda-dude who condemned Gildie's soul immediately rushed two beverages to the Primes but Gildarts appeared perplexed. These had blue label, and the red one tasted better.

"Hey, these aren't the kind with the personalized names on it..." Gildarts proceeded to tell Guu that he had enjoyed the best tasting-beverage that was called 'Coca-cola' plus, the named labels were great for pick-up lines.

Pepsiman was repulsed and treated his competitor's product as though it were rancid poison. "Oh, but Pepsi is good for the soul."

"I think we should let the lady decide... Don't you?" Gildarts turned on the Pepsiman with shadows streaming on his rage-filled face.

[Guu]

Guu had to think about it for a while.

"I've never actually had either. Do you have Guaraná? I kind of like that."

The two stare at her horrified.

"...I lived in South America in a desolate village out in the jungle, what do you want from me?"

The two continue to stare, jaws dropped.

"How does Gildarts even know what Coca Cola is? Do they serve it at the magic school?"

[Gildarts]

"Wha.. Hey!" They were having their first pre-marital fight, "That guy over there gave me some!" Gildarts pointed to Diablo, who raised the BBQ tongs on his hands in greeting.

Gildarts, a little dampened, crossed his arms, "Fairytail teaches magic-users plenty of things, and though many of the more experienced fighters prefer beer, we know plenty about the most popular drink in the universes."

Pepsiman - shocked nearly to death - fainted at the mage's scorn.

To be fair, the shock Gildarts had displayed on his face was not dissatisfied. For the man could appreciate the exotic things in life. "You know, Guu. Far from the borders of my continent, my name is known, they call me Gildarts of the West and revel at my magic. I have traveled far and made of a title for myself in my home world. I am the only crash-magic user alive."

Gildarts flaunted this fact, in an attempt to win the maiden's love, before offering her a grin to-die-for, which was ironic, because Pepsiman nearly had.

[Ganondorf]

Ganondorf sagged dejectedly in his restraints. How DID this happen? He was a mahogany God on this beach, a testament to testosterone and all that is man. And now he was being led around like some balloon on a glowing green leash. And that talk of playing doctor had him a tad worried as well. The great Demon King laid low twice in one day... what a cruel world this was.

[Jak Mar]

Jak sat up off the beach blanket and dusted the sand off of himself as Daxter went off to stare at the woman in bikinis on the beach. Daxter smirked and said "Come on ladies, come join the Daxinator for a cold refreshin' pepsi."

Jak looked around the beach, lots of everything was happening and he walked over to the bar area and sat on a bench "Hey... Pepsi-man, uh some Pepsi... Make it quick..."

The blue clad man slid the drink over to Jak as he blinked fo a second...

Jak sighed "This better be good..."

[Carn_Val]

A big wave, followed by a big splash, then a big wiff and lastly, an anomaly.


"Woah. Powdered quartz! "

Carn starts hopping around like a kid in an amusement park without a park.

"Well, I guess the narrator will take charge in narrating this time. Probably because I'll be having fun!"

Carn thoughtlessly jumps into the water, the anomaly"s dense structure disallowing buoyancy.

"This is a bad idea..."

Carn starts sinking deeper, no idea how floating works.

[Athena Myaló]

Just as Athena was beginning to adjust to the reality of her situation, her situation changed.

She shook her head in disbelief as she felt sand beneath her feet and hot sunlight on her face. What had just happened? Some sort of joke on the part of the Omniscient One, no doubt. Well, it was worth it to try... she pulled off her blindfold again.

The sun and the waves of this idyllic beach met her eyes. Her eyes. So this wasn't reality - or the form of it she was familiar with, anyway. Funnily enough, she found herself not really caring. This is some sort of mind game, then, yes? Well, mind games are my specialty, she thought with a grin. She threw her black blindfold carelessly to one side... but quickly retrieved it and returned it to her face after spotting some of the beach's more unsavory characters. Oh well, her sense was back to something like normal here, so she didn't really need sight after all. The best course of action would be to explore and enjoy the area. Why not? Athena had no idea how long she'd be here.

As she walked along the beach, observing the incredibly odd series of events, she realized that her outfit had changed. While she fortunately retained her long sleeves, the outfit was still somewhat too revealing for her taste. [spoiler]Something like Raven's, without the bling and shoes, of course.[/spoiler] She pulled her brown cloak closely around her as she strolled.

At one point, she looked over at the beach. There was a lot going on, but her attention was particularly drawn by a small, pink-haired child near - was that the Omniscient One? No, couldn't be - a few other people. The girl was hailed by an auburn-haired man, who addressed her as Princess... Goo? Strange name. Athena considered going over to speak to them, until the man proposed to the little girl and Athena gave up on the idea.

After a short time, she happened upon an odd scene (not as odd as the Omniscient Being tongue-wrestling with that mouse, but still odd) - some sort of completely destroyed structure with puddles of liquid all over. It was a total wreck, but some (also unusual) people at a bar nearby didn't seem to notice. Lying in the rubble was a boy (he may have called himself a man, but to Athena's ripe old age of 26, he was a boy), hardly moving. Athena walked up curiously. The boy, lying on his back, lifted his head up feebly, as if supplicating for help.

Unfortunately for him, Athena wasn't the most helpful of people to begin with, and the heat wasn't doing wonders for her temperament.

"What happened to you?" she asked bluntly, standing over Michael.

[Michael]

Michael jumped as someone suddenly spoke to him, turning his gaze to look up at this new person.

As he took a moment to think about her question, Michael expression fell into a dark place, revisiting a memory that chilled him to the bone. Michael shuddered, and gestured towards the ruined structure that was the bar.

"That happened." he simply responded, not wanting to discuss his run in with Thomas the Tank Engine with a stranger who would probably just think he was insane.

Maybe he was just insane, Michael thought to himself. Maybe something completely different had happened to destroy the bar and Thomas the Tank Engine was all in his head. Maybe it was the pepsi™. Michael decides to stop drinking pepsi™.

Elsewhere, Pepsiman senses... a disturbance.

...Also, how in gods name does he know who Thomas the Tank Engine is??????????

[Jack Frost]

The pale skinned adolescent stepped on the sand, "What a beach this is." He muttered as he saw many beings wading through the water, walking on the shore and sitting at the Bar. Plenty of people to have some fun with, they would have to wait though.

The water. Oh, how the green, bubbly waves called his name. Why keep them waiting?

"Time to catch some waves" Jack said as he nonchalantly gripped his hand on his staff.

Surfs up.

[Thaal Sinestro]

"Now now," Soranik said, running a single finger through the thicket of red fur that sprouted in thick, untamed coils on Ganondorf's chest, "don't let them get to you."

Grunting, Ganondorf dejectedly strained against his bonds.

"Dawww... are those too tight?" she cooed. "Well, I guess you could always distract me. You know, with your giant muscles. You could break my will or something."

A bushy eyebrow quirked as she finished speaking. "Oh?" his deep baritone voice boiled. "I suppose I could give a glimpse of my glory."

Laughing, the lantern shook her head, "No, that comes later."

Taking a deep breath in, the Garudo King flexed every part of his massive, muscular frame. Veins popped up, sweat beaded, and the well-oiled beach deity's body glistened in the shimmering summer sun. With a curl of the lips, Ganondorf's magnificent grin shone out. The jade entanglement shattered.

[Ganondorf]

"Well... that was surprisingly simple." The Gerudo mused as he flexed his hands into fists and relished his new won freedom. His captor sat upon the warm sand of the beach, her hair whipped in the stiff ocean breeze and panted heavily as she looked up at him in adoration. Ganondorf's grin widened as he held out his hand to her, helping Sinestro's daughter back to her feet.

"And that's but the merest glimpse of my true power. Perhaps you were right when you said you'd see my true glory later."

The two laughed in tandem, their baritone and alto voices mixing nicely. Strangely enough, both were looking forward to it more for the irritation it would cause Thaal.

[Athena Myaló]

Athena snorted a little at Michael's response. "Ah, now I completely understand," she answered facetiously. That was when she noticed the train tracks running through the wreckage and trailing up into the sky.

How did those get there? Someone wouldn't just lay those down over the ruined building, did they? But who would build train tracks that passed straight through a standing structure? And she was pretty sure that those train tracks were also defying gravity. But whatever.

"The non-canon never makes sense," she muttered almost to herself. Suddenly, she turned her head as she heard a high-pitched whistle, and then another - louder. She was still wearing a blindfold, but she could put two and two together. And besides, she could sense something coming. Down the tracks. It would pass through the bar again, but it wouldn't quite hit...

She watched as the tracks began moving. By themselves. The floating rails came down from the sky and altered their course to pass along the beach, near the water, to grace everyone with their vehicle's improbable (but very striking) presence.

And, naturally, the tracks now passed directly under both Michael and Athena.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" she screamed, dragging Michael quite unceremoniously off the tracks a half-second before Thomas the Tank Engine rolled past, making Athena cringe with unnecessarily loud and crude music.

What was this apparition? She glared darkly (through her blindfold) as the train-with-a-face zoomed by, sporting a decidedly creepy smile and a superfluous amount of what would colloquially be termed "swag." Well, that explained a few things about the boy here. If she had actually seen it with her own eyes, she would probably be equally traumatized. She listened as the music and the chugging noise of the engine receded in the distance, passing by (but thankfully not through) the bar on the eastern side of the beach, which was surrounded by all manner of people (all looking at the engine rather strangely, which Athena understood).

[Gilgamesh]

Gilgamesh looked towards the wide ocean and felt the hot glare of the sun. He grinned as he had an idea.

"CANNONBALL! "

As he rushed towards the sea and jumped in!

[Carn_Val]

Carn instinctively grabs hold of anything close by which, unfortunately, was a passing surfboard. Carn held it to a stop, flinging whoever was onboard to the seashore. "Sorry, didn't to it on purpose. Sorry," the anomaly paddles away when he hears someone yell out "CANNONBALL", causing Carn to assault the idiot with the surfboard in surprise. I hope he doesn't sink.

[Gin Yatreg]

Gin appeared in a flash of light. He blinked in confusion as to what had just happened. One second he was in an ice cave, and the next he was on a warm sunny beach.

Not that he was complaining. All around him were people of all shapes and sizes. Some of them even appeared to be people he fought against in Dante's Abyss. All of whom seemed to be enjoying themselves in some capacity. Gin shrugged and thought, "Well, since I'm here, I might as well enjoy myself too!"

Gin found a changing tent and changed into a swimsuit he conjured up. Exiting the tent, he ran straight for the water. He jumped high into the air and came crashing down far into the ocean. Opening his eyes underwater, he came face to face with something unexpected. A shark. Gin opened his mouth in surprise, letting out the air he was holding in. He swam as hard as he could back to the surface with the shark following close behind. Soon he breached the water's surface and took a deep breath before activating a maneuver platform and climbing on top of hit. He super jumps off of it just in time for the shark to clamp down over where he stood a second ago. "Sorry Shark Boy! But you're not old enough to have any Gin!" he shouted. As he fell back towards the shark, Gin balled his hand into a fist and manifested a shield around it, swing it down right onto the shark. The shark sunk beneath the waves in pain. Deciding Gin wasn't worth its time, it swam away.