Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

[Tyson Renegade]

Link to topic: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid136759
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Tyson Renegade
Total character count including spaces: 56,080
Total word count: 10,090 words (Yes, Out of all of the Rpgs.....I accomplished a goal of 10k)

[Luci]

Chaotic Neutral

Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline

Participating characters: Eleanor Lamb

Total character count including spaces: 30,810

Total word count: 5,268

Dibs!

BETWEEN WALLS OF STEEL|

Group Storyline

Participants: Dust, Centurion, Moon Knight, Angel Fisher, Koal, The Vision, Marcus Wright, Homin Ratione

Total Words:
Dust- 7,592
Centurion- 12,801
Moon Knight- 6,450
Angel Fisher- 1,487
Koal- 2,097
The Vision- 1,527
Marcus Wright- 3,659
Homin Ratione- 1,061

Total Characters (Spaces Included)
Dust- 41,213
Centurion- 73,130
Moon Knight- 35,350
Angel Fisher- 7,975
Koal- 11,540
The Vision- 8,961
Marcus Wright- 17,058
Homin Ratione- 6,136

I am also handling this, but it may take a little while

[Mickey Mouse]

I don't know if this ever got submitted so if it has ignore me, but wanted to check in and see if a participation bonus was possible for me & Proto Man in "A Home for Heroes," which I just posted a closing post to in the Dunes. 

A Home for Heroes
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline (ignore where it says we're starting a quest)
Participating characters (please list): Mickey Mouse, Proto Man
Total character count including spaces: Mickey Mouse - 54,873 with spaces (according to Google Docs); Proto Man - 62,366 with spaces (according to Google Docs)
Total word count: Mickey Mouse - 9,603 according to Google Docs; Proto Man - 11,068 according to Google Docs

[Android 17]

Submitting Trixie and Seventeen's Quest "A Day in the Life" for grading (previously was approved to finish, now submitting for bonus OMs)

Link -> http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=9723
Quest or Personal Storyline? Quest (A Day in the Life)

Participating characters and counts:
Seventeen (11264 words / 65255 CwS)
Trixie (13677 words / 65426 CwS)

[Luci]

I award the Participation bonus to all participants
I award the EXCEPTIONAL Bonus to this thread.
Trixie OM Earned - 1635.65
Android 17 OM Earned - 1631.37



Overall: What an amazing quest. You two write amazingly together, and effortlessly weave plot and description together. Getting Trixie and 17 into formal wear and a formal situation was priceless, and you both wrote it extremely well. The battle was one of the most epic I have seen in the OV. The bounds of the quest were constricting, but you two made in unique and memorable.

TRIXIE

Mechanics: Immaculate

Plot/Pacing: You effortlessly tied in Trixie’s previous plot and characters into this story, and her future plot as well. It was clearly very well thought-out. Your pacing is slower than 17’s, leaning kind of slow in general, but it is absolutely necessary for your style. Overall it was a beautful way to weave Trixie’s plot. The flashback as a story was perfect.

Characterization: In this thread we get to see an important side of Trixie. We get to see both why she is who she is, as well as a glimpse behind the mask. We get to see her struggle about her allegiance, are kind of led towards a hope of her breaking free from her chains, but in the end the chains only grow heavier. You really brought Nova and Aisha to life and got the reader invested in them. And the Diablo posts are AMAZING.

Aesthetic/Creativity: Gliding back and forth between the formal setting and the action seemed very natural. The vibe was great, especially when Nova and Trixie are together. The fight with the tank was truly epic, and honestly the entire fight was out of this world.

Style: You used a ‘novel-style’ writing that I personally find very difficult. You did not shy away from expressing character’s feelings and inner thoughts, refusing to let the thread read like a movie and instead read like a book. This style of writing has a high ceiling, but you take that risk and make it work. I also like how well you keep track of your characters, their motivations and feelings.


ANDROID 17

Mechanics: Almost immaculate, with minor errors that anyone could make.

Plot/Pacing: Your pacing is fluid, like you zoom into some situations and zoom out of others. I think it works sometimes, like in the militarized battle posts when you zoom in to minute combat details, but I would have liked to see that kind of stuff in the pre-battle as well (outfit selection excluded).

Characterization: You handled the NPCs amazingly. 17 is one of the most readable characters I’ve ever read. His casual writing style and take-no-bullshit attitude make him a harsh edge in the posh social scene. The action was likewise filtered through his character, from his concern over the NPCs to the military-style analysis.

Aesthetic/Creativity: This is where you shined the most I think. The aesthetic is hard to pin down, but android-17 fits so naturally into the military/sci-fi/war drama.

Style: You used a style that can only be described as ‘casual’ and you did it very well. You let your characters attitude filter the narration in a very satisfying and readable way. Despite having such a encouraging style, you still manage to pack in action and drama and character development, and none of it seems forced or contrived.


Writing Chemistry - Off the charts, and the final tipping point towards why the thread received an EXCEPTIONAL bonus. Your writing styles compliment each other perfectly, PERFECTLY I say, and even with wildly different styles and NPCs zooming around, you both manage to keep the story on pace and advancing logically from the posts before it.

Tips: Was going to do this section for each of you, but I have the same advice; consider leaving more things on the cutting room floor. There are LOTS of reasons to write about a ‘thing’; it pushes the plot forward, it gets you invested in the characters, maybe it’s just something cool. The best ‘things’ do all this at once. When 17 saves nova from the fire, he is doing all these things at once. When Trixie fights Praxida, it does this. The thread was a little bulky overall.




----Wyatt Edit---

[Luci]

BETWEEN WALLS OF STEEL|

Group Storyline

Participants: Dust, Centurion, Moon Knight, Angel Fisher, Koal, The Vision, Marcus Wright, Homin Ratione

Total Words:
Dust- 7,592
Centurion- 12,801
Moon Knight- 6,450
Angel Fisher- 1,487
Koal- 2,097
The Vision- 1,527
Marcus Wright- 3,659
Homin Ratione- 1,061

Total Characters (Spaces Included)
Dust- 41,213
Centurion- 73,130
Moon Knight- 35,350
Angel Fisher- 7,975
Koal- 11,540
The Vision- 8,961
Marcus Wright- 17,058
Homin Ratione- 6,136

I award the Participation Bonus to all participants.
I award this thread the GREAT bonus to all eligible participants.

Dust OM Earned - 884.26
Centurion OM Earned - 1462.6
Moon Knight OM Earned - 707
Angel Fisher OM Earned - 79.75
Koal OM Earned - 115.40
The Vision OM Earned - 89.61
Marcus Wright OM Earned - 170.58
Homin Ratione OM Earned - 61.36


First off, quick shout out to those who did not hit the 4k mark to be considered for a bonus. You all made the thread extra awesome in your own way. Super special shout out to Marcus Wright, who almost hit 4k. Unfortunately I cannot award a bonus to a thread you have written less than 4k words, but I did review your posts.

Overall: What a dope thread. You guys really did something special here. The way that you all worked together to tell this story so well, effortlessly juggling characters and scenes, it was amazing. Clearly there was a great deal of love and tender care for this thread. It was gritty, realistic, yet still kept the super-hero type aesthetics we’ve come to expect from the avengers. Your intake, your time served, your release were all realistic. You guys took what is normally a very ‘boring’ setting and made it pop. Congratulations.

A tip regarding the overall thread; gosh that sure was a lot of torture. Perhaps next time, a liiiittle less torture.


Marcus Wright - This was Marcus’ best thread that I have seen. Marcus and Blair were in their element, a hostile prison with plenty of time for gritty character reflection and development. He makes his role as the Toughest Avenger come through loud and clear. Marcus is awesome, not because he can punch stuff good, but because of his deep character and relationships. Even during the fight, you made the story more about character development than action. Truly Marcus’s story is not of a robot who joined a superhero team, it is the story of a man struggling to do right by the world, and that’s pretty cool.

Centurion: You poured your heart into this thread, shaping much of the plot, but much more importantly shaping Cade. This thread was infinitely more interesting to me than getting to know cade from his fight thread, although post #10 was badass through and through, likewise the fight with the darktrooper. You didn’t make his character development the focus, but we learned so much about him just through his actions and his reactions. While I miss the star-spangled boy scout, Cade is an infinitely more interesting character, and I like to read about him. Even his flashback was dope, and I hate flashbacks. You handled both the PCs and NPCs well.

My best advice is to be more proactive with your character. Currently he acts more reactive than proactive to his situation, which is fair because he was literally in jail.

I have to mention the colored text however. The REAL issue I have with colored text, beyond it being hard for me to read orange font over a soft white background, is that it is an actual literary crutch. It might not matter in comic books where characters have speech bubbles, but it matters in writing. If you use color to distinguish your character’s dialogue, which you did, to me it’s a crutch. Because if you took out the color it wouldn’t read correctly. Use qualifiers like ‘cade said.’ because it really is a necessary part of grammar. If you did that as well as the colored text, it wouldn’t matter so much to me.


Dust: Beautiful. Dust made this thread so ‘pretty’. Not aesthetically, but rather brought everything to life with such poetic descriptions. Everything flowed so well, it was really written beautifully. Dust’s flirtations with Angel were so engaging, and followed the rule of ‘show don’t tell’ when it comes to describing characters. His interrogation was the perfect way to get a reader caught up on his plot, and bonus points for acknowledging DA as an important IC event. Really though, your rich descriptions and character interactions were the most interesting part of your contribution to the thread.

I don’t really have any tips for you, other than I noticed a few spelling and grammar mistakes which can be a bit distracting.



Moon Knight - Great job herding this cats into a comprehensive and interesting story. Nobody was able to juggle characters and progress the plot as well as you did, and you acted as a kind of DM for the whole thread. Through this all, you managed to show MK as the gritty jaded hero he is. A little Batman, a little Rorshark, but instilled with that shining Marvel spirit that makes him a character we can actually root for. I like his first and last posts the best, and his fight scene was good but not where you shined the most. You shined mostly through plot advancement and inner character reflection.

We also got a lot of flashbacks from MK, which I don’t really like usually. You made them work, and we got to learn more of MK, and I think it was important for the Avengers to share their backstories in this thread, but I think you went a little heavy on yours.


Reflections on the Thread - It was awesome to see you guys all come together to create this. I think it showed a lot of patience on all of your parts to write this, but I think it will very much pay off as your writing team becomes closer for it, and gets to understand each other’s characters on a deeper level.

KEEP IT UP!

EDIT: reVision

[Luci]

Link to topic: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid136759
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Tyson Renegade
Total character count including spaces: 56,080
Total word count: 10,090 words (Yes, Out of all of the Rpgs.....I accomplished a goal of 10k)

I'll get to it this weekend

I don't know if this ever got submitted so if it has ignore me, but wanted to check in and see if a participation bonus was possible for me & Proto Man in "A Home for Heroes," which I just posted a closing post to in the Dunes. 

A Home for Heroes
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline (ignore where it says we're starting a quest)
Participating characters (please list): Mickey Mouse, Proto Man
Total character count including spaces: Mickey Mouse - 54,873 with spaces (according to Google Docs); Proto Man - 62,366 with spaces (according to Google Docs)
Total word count: Mickey Mouse - 9,603 according to Google Docs; Proto Man - 11,068 according to Google Docs

You are not forgotten little mouse, just getting backed up. It is our own fault.

[Luci]

Link to topic: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid136759
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Tyson Renegade
Total character count including spaces: 56,080
Total word count: 10,090 words (Yes, Out of all of the Rpgs.....I accomplished a goal of 10k)

I award this thread the GREAT Bonus.
Due to multiple grammatical issues I award this thread a total bonus of %25
Tyson Renegade OM earned - 280.4


You have been writing much better in a lot of ways.

Your grammar has gotten much better, and I think you are starting to feel more comfortable in your writing. You are giving history and motivation to your characters. It is their history and the love triangle that truly drives this plot forward, not the murders. Anyone can write about murdering people, and most people on the OV do. What makes a thread interesting is the motivation and characters.

I think Lilith needs to develop as a character more if you want your readers to be invested in her. The reader got to know ashara very well, and not so much lilith.

The dialogue can be offputting, as the characters sometimes sound like they are speaking in a high-fantasy noble dialect, and sometimes as if in a Tarantino movie.

The main grammatical issue with this thread is run-on sentences.  Commas and periods (and semicolons) are the hardest part of writing, in my opinion. It takes a bit of practice to know when to stop and start,, but when in doubt, read the sentence aloud.

Here is one example of a paragraph with run-on sentences, and an edited version below.
[spoiler]
Tyson opens the door placing the container on the table within it three sharingan eyeballs the vampire elder was shocked. He actually did kill the creature proving that the demon was useful to the vampire race but the elder wonders. If this Mangekyo Sharingan does exist could the vampire family race unlock this power from the Uchiha clan but research can be done. It will take some time, Tyson was thinking if this sharingan power was worth it however he'll do his own research upon it.

Tyson opens the door, placing the container on the table within it three sharingan eyeballs. The vampire elder was shocked. He actually did kill the creature, proving that the demon was useful to the vampire race, but the elder wonders. If this Mangekyo Sharingan does exist, could the vampire family race unlock this power from the Uchiha clan? But research can be done. It will take some time. Tyson was thinking if this sharingan power was worth it, however, he'll do his own research upon it.
[/spoiler]

EDIT: OM added by luci

[Tyson Renegade]

Luci...I can't do it any better grammar is one of my major flaws(my problems).....But 280 Whew I'll live with it.
This can't be fixed it always going to be a problem of mine. Your saying like it can be fixed it can't it never will....

[Kuroji Setsu]

A New Beginning
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline
Participating characters: Kuroji Setsu
Total character count including spaces: 6328 
Total word count: 1,407

Cicada
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline
Participating characters: Kuroji Setsu
Total character count including spaces: 6475
Total word count: 1,456

I may be mistaken. Might not be right that I'm posting here. Thanks anyways!

[Luci]

Luci...I can't do it any better grammar is one of my major flaws(my problems).....But 280 Whew I'll live with it.
This can't be fixed it always going to be a problem of mine.  Your saying like it can be fixed it can't it never will....

Personally I see your grammar improving with every post. I think with some patience and practice it will improve dramatically.

A New Beginning
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline
Participating characters: Kuroji Setsu
Total character count including spaces: 6328 
Total word count: 1,407

Cicada
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal Storyline
Participating characters: Kuroji Setsu
Total character count including spaces: 6475
Total word count: 1,456

I may be mistaken. Might not be right that I'm posting here. Thanks anyways!

We require that a storyline reach at least 4k words before it is eligible for a Writing Bonus.

[Tyson Renegade]

I do believe Clownpiece should be awarded something: It my thread.....But I had to turn her down: Just bummed out
Link to topic: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10497
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Clownpiece or Tyson
Total character count including spaces: Tyson(10,950), Clownpiece(6,971)
Total word count: Tyson(1,938), Clownpiece(1,248)

[Luci]

I do believe Clownpiece should be awarded something: It my thread.....But I had to turn her down: Just bummed out
Link to topic: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10497
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Clownpiece or Tyson
Total character count including spaces: Tyson(none), Clownpiece(6,971)
Total word count: Tyson(none), Clownpiece(1,248)

You're both eligible for a Participation Bonus, please list your word and character count

[Luci]

I do believe Clownpiece should be awarded something: It my thread.....But I had to turn her down: Just bummed out
Link to topic: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10497
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Clownpiece or Tyson
Total character count including spaces: Tyson(10,950), Clownpiece(6,971)
Total word count: Tyson(1,938), Clownpiece(1,248)

I award the Participation Bonus to this thread.

Tyson Renegade Earned OM - 109.5
Clownpeice Earned OM - 69.72


EDIT: OM handled by loosey

[PepsiWhirda]

Luci...I can't do it any better grammar is one of my major flaws(my problems).....But 280 Whew I'll live with it.
This can't be fixed it always going to be a problem of mine.  Your saying like it can be fixed it can't it never will....

If you need some links to simple guides to improve your grammar, start with the link below and hit me up if you have any questions.

For thread bonuses, focusing on the Punctuation Rules section will get you the quickest progress. Check out Clauses and Phrases as well.

No sense having the attitude that you can't improve. Many writers have come to the OV and in a few months or years, their writing has improved immensely.

You got this, dude.

https://www.grammarbook.com/

[Sasuke Uchiha]

Luci...I can't do it any better grammar is one of my major flaws(my problems).....But 280 Whew I'll live with it.
This can't be fixed it always going to be a problem of mine.  Your saying like it can be fixed it can't it never will....

It can be fixed. That's the wonderful thing about this craft, there is always room for improvement. Also, many of us are more than willing to help and the site offers a ton of resources. I haven't checked out Whirda's link, (I'm sure its awesome!) but I always check out this thread when I want to brush up on the basics. I would start here, as it covers the foundation for proper grammar and how to improve. Best of luck and never feel ashamed to ask for help, that's what we're here for, we all want to read kickass stories!

Here is the link!: Prime Reading: Writer's Guide + Character Guide

[Alexander Blakesley]

https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10317
Personal/Nexus Fight
Participating characters (please list):
The Vision 1259 words/7820 characters
Spiderman 1256 words/7031 characters
Alexander Blakesley 778 words/4605 characters
Lucas Kellan 197 words/1034 characters
Total character count including spaces (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)
Total word count (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)

[Tyson Renegade]

Link to topic: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10609
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Tyson Renegade
Total character count including spaces: Tyson(9,374)
Total word count Tyson (1,708)

Did fix grammar and sentences in this.

[Luci]

https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10317
Personal/Nexus Fight
Participating characters (please list):
The Vision 1259 words/7820 characters
Spiderman 1256 words/7031 characters
Alexander Blakesley 778 words/4605 characters
Lucas Kellan 197 words/1034 characters
Total character count including spaces (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)
Total word count (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable)

Sweet, I'll get to it soon

Link to topic: https://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10609
Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal
Participating characters (please list): Tyson Renegade
Total character count including spaces: Tyson(9,374)
Total word count Tyson (1,708)

Did fix grammar and sentences in this.

Minimum storyline length to earn a writing bonus is 4k words.

[Kuroji Setsu]

http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...#pid140126
Quest: Dwarfholm Faction Quest( Into the Hall )
Participating characters: Kuroji Setsu
Total character count including spaces: 22348 characters
Total word count 5056 words