Whine Tasting

[Handsome Jack]

Aquamarine doesn't even HAVE a body. No better than putting a penny in your mouth. As a precious stone, the taste won't be awful, but that don't change the fact she can't actually be drank.

1/10

[James Knight]

Let's see about me, both Veritas and Repliku.

[Handsome Jack]

Yuuka is... a person who exists. A total weeaboo though. Starts off strong, but leaves a bad aftertaste. Such a cliche beverage.

4/10

[Handsome Jack]

Somerled is as filling as air, but at least the air is tasteless. Like drinking a bag of farts.

-2/10

[Handsome Jack]

Veritas is a teenager with attitude and sweet fighting skills. Too bad most of what makes him special comes from some ancient machine. Basically a glass of chocolate milk.

7/10

Repliku tastes like someone tried to make orange juice without any oranges, or any idea what oranges taste like. He's basically Sunny D. Refreshing on occasion, but leaving a sour aftertaste.

6/10

[Caira Ayryn]

Caira's pet shadow lion (it becomes tangible basically when its about to strike) and Christa's pet wolf.

[Handsome Jack]

As animals, they certainly have enough meat on em, but it's gamey in taste. Not bad, but not as good as a person.

3/10

[Desman Black]

List of super-powered candidates to be eaten.

[spoiler]Danny Sexbang from Ninja Sex Party

Ninja Brain from Ninja sex party

Arin Neverbone from samurai abstinence patrol

Samerai Barry from samurai abstinence patrol [/spoiler]

[Handsome Jack]

All four of them are just normal dude pretending to be something special.

5/10

[Gaston]

No one tastes good like Gaston!

[Handsome Jack]

Gaston is a fine vintage indeed. At least, for a human. French. Muscular. Just nice. Unfortunately, he's kind of a jerk, and there's far too much testosterone in the mix. Kinda like Chianti sipped from a douche.

8/10

[Harlan Higgs]

Hiro and Harlan!

[Handsome Jack]

Ugh. Another weeb. At least this one is black. Blacks always taste better.

6/10

Harlan has the consistency of curdled milk, but his illusion magic means he's like a mystery flavor lollypop. He also has quite a few different sources of DNA in him. Nice.

8/10

[Strazio Rockwell]

Hit me up Jack

[Handsome Jack]

Such explosive flavour, but a little spicy and all that rage makes the meat tough to liquify. But his closeness to the Rock makes this almost a 2 for 1 deal.

9/10

[All Might]

All Might?

[Ada Wong]

? What's this?

[Sterling Archer]

This is now my favorite thread ever.

What does your good buddy Sterling taste of?

[Handsome Jack]

All Might... now that's an interesting vintage. He's like a glass of apple juice that someone spiked with vodka. What was once plain and uninteresting becomes a drink to delight over. And not only is he beefy, but drinking him will confer his "One for All" to me. Nothing to complain about here.

10/10

Ada Wong suffers from "normal person who is slightly better at things than others" syndrome, unfortunately. Still, with milkbags like that she HAS to be high in calcium.

6/10

Archer tastes of friendship and gin. Unlike the metaphor with All Might, he'll ACTUALLY get me drunk. Still, he's better undrunk, since he's awesome company.

2/10

[The Vision]

Taste me.