Dawn/Erika vs Ghidorah OOC

[Jade Harley]

That's fine!

[Jade Harley]

Alright. Let's do this.

Damage

Round 1

Dawn/Erika: Minor Injury burns from lightning breath (+2), minor bruises to shoulder (+1), minor bruises after being smashed into the ground by Ghidorah (+1), more minor burns from lightning breath (+2), minor injury to legs from lightning breath (+1), minor kick to the shoulder (+1), seriously cracked ribs (+5), moderate burns to arm and chest (+3),

Ghidorah: Minor Injury bruises from being tossed into a tree (+2), minor bruises to stomach (+1), minor bruise to... somewhere from the white cone attack (+1), minor bruises after being pummeled by Erika (+1), moderate cut, wrist sliced (+3), moderately deep cut to the shin (+3), bruises to the face after being pummeled by Erika again (+1).

Round 2

Dawn/Erika: Minor injury burns from lightning breath (+1), minor bruises from being chucked into a rock wall (+2), minor combination of bruises and burns (+2), minor bruises from being punched into a pond (+1), minor bruises from taking a knee to the stomach (+1).

Ghidorah: More minor punches (+1), moderate bruises from being dropped from high in the sky (+4), minor bruises from being slammed against the dirt wall (+2), minor bruise from elbow to the stomach (+1).

Round 3

Dawn/Erika: Hit by Ghidorah's Tier-1 Super-Attack Gravity Lathe (+6), scorched wing (+1).

Ghidorah: Minor burns from electrocuting his own foot, lol (+1), bones of his knee/leg seriously broken (+5), accumulated minor bullet wounds (+2), minor bullet wound to the back (+2).

TOTALS

Dawn/Erika: A lot of damage, ALMOST DEAD.

Ghidorah: A lot of damage, ALMOST DEAD.

Dawn: Writing as an original character is harder in some respects than writing as a pre-established, canonical character. I get that. But, it is totally possible to capture the reader's heart and mind with them-- because, after all, every character begings life as just an idea which must then work to prove itself.

I'm telling you this because I feel like Erika's character is... okay, but you could do so much more with it. People like to see characters struggle. Your last post sort of did this, but you probably could have made her struggle earlier on. It builds a connection, to travel with a character through all the blood, sweat and tears, and to finally rejoice or mourn at the end when they fail or succeed. The problem with your representation of your character, is that you never let her feel nervous, or even really pained by her wounds until the 3rd round. Your character doesn't have Survival, even. She didn't feel insecure or seriously threatened, like she might fail. It could be argued that this is just her personality, but honestly? Ghidorah is the shrunk-down version of a destroyer of worlds, and even he felt nervous when facing down Erika. It's okay to write a confident, enthusiastically murderous character, and I will admit that the excitement there was pretty infectious, but you need to find a way to make your character doubt her strength.

Your writing was fast-paced and action-packed, with a very uniquely "Dawnika" style of word choice that I seriously envy! You might need to do more read-throughs of your writing before you post, though, since you sometimes forget neccessary words for certain phrases to make sense. (Ex. "...everything a dragon needs.. not mention the lightning spit that was launched at her with a loud roar." - not to mention?) The only thing left for you to do is to add a little bit of uncertainity to keep the reader on the edge of their seat and to polish your writing 'til it shines.

Ghidorah: First of all, I hatehatehaaaa-ate first person. I am not a fan, but I must say that you've pretty much converted me to the Dark Side. You did really awesome with it! Well done.

Your writing was very in-touch with Ghidorah's personality, I felt, and your word choice was spot-on. "Homicidal iguana" was hilarious! And this: ""You're mistaken," I tell her, "about what it is I've been trying to break!"" This line was so damn pretty, too: "Little islands of burning algae flicker for a moment in the gathering dark before guttering out." Keep up with your efforts to include the setting in your writing, it's working for you.  Nice job on letting Ghidorah actually be affected by his injuries, it added a nice layer of realism to the fight. I especially liked how you brought up his past ability to shake off the injuries that he's recieving now, reconciling his former invincible form with this weaker body.

You used a lot of exclamation points, and while it added to the excitement of the battle a bit and even helped in places (creating a sense of exhilaration, etc.), there were some areas where you probs could have not used 'em. (Here: "In the very same instant, a metal missile slams into my back, breaking through my skin and digging a shallow divot in my unyielding flesh!" Unyielding is also a paradox, I guess?) Also, some of your sentences were a little too complex. "The pain and indignity are going to be worth it for such an uncommon prelude to the grand symphony of ruin I plan to compose in this valley." -- Could have been broken up into two sentences, given a comma someplace... or the removal of the section I've underlined may have helped. As it is, it's quite a mouthful. If you read over your work and find a place where it might be a bit long in places, like you have to read over it twice to get its meaning or it's an entire paragraph made of a single sentence, try to make it shorter or divide it to improve the flow.

The most distracting typo I found was "She's grows ever more fascinating." Otherwise, magnificient work.

THE WINNER IS...

In terms of writing, Ghidorah wins!
In terms of damage, you're both wrekt. So, Ghidorah, you can choose to either limp off or succumb to your injuries since you've won. You may kill, spare, or banish your opponent. Great fight, guys! Here are the Death and Banishment rules.

[King Ghidorah]

Alrighty. Thank you very much for the thorough judgement and the excellent feedback.

I have only one question remaining (and I'm making sure to ask it in the right place this time). As the victor, do I still get to write an ending, albeit one in which Ghidorah succumbs to his wounds?

[Jade Harley]

Hold up, I think I might revise the damage report. I kiiiinda went a little overboard. Ghidorah still wins but uh. Yeah. PLEASE HOLD.

[Jade Harley]

Okay, it's revised. You'll want to look at the end of the post where the winner's listed.

[King Ghidorah]

I choose to kill my opponent and slither off into the night to lick my many, painful wounds.

Great fight, Dawn! I'd let you live but, well... Ghidorah.