Deadpool's c&c

[Deadpool]

I'm gonna give each of you your own posts. That should reduce some confusion.

GILDARTS

The flash of garish metal streaked forward in the insidious form of an axe. It was the pugnacious female among them to strike first, she lunged, viciously propelling herself forward with the strength sourced from her calves as her marauder-themed attire dragged in the momentum behind her.

This is probably just a preference thing, but I think if you replaced the first underlined word with 'A the sentence would roll off the tongue slightly better. It makes it seem more sudden and unexpected when said out-loud in comparison to 'The'

With the second underlined part, I feel like just stopping the sentence there with a period would work better for the flow you're trying to accomplish. Again, just one of those things I personally feel sounds better out-loud than a comma.

The menacing fury flowing so forthright proved the consequence of when Gildarts had thrown bark against the umbral being’s weakness. Her. The elven sorcerer watched them chat, taking his time to strike the god-mind with an emerald flame as green as Tearen’s eyes; the tendrils of fire erupted into the tenebrous being when the skull-sized enchantment burst, driving the scalding globe into his chest until his ebony skin was meshed with the very fabric of his suit.

This sentence is a tongue-twister with the rapid succession of 'F' starting words. That's really my only issue with this paragraph. 

Sharp, immediate agony tore through Gildarts’ sculpted back, claws had scraped deeply along the entirety of Gildarts’ spine, hot crimson began to ooze into the soft floor of the forest, trickling as the geyser of blood soaked his back completely, resembling colored paint. The one to blame, a skull-adorned creature, How reminiscent.

I think some of the words here may either be misused or misplaced. When I imagine a geyser, I think of a harsh spray of liquid (sorta like how movies interpret juggler lacerations), which sort of counters the the thought of blood oozing and/or trickling. 

Another second, Gildarts had turned around to punish he who had dared stick their claws in him yet his eye caught a glimmering bolt of ember shooting at him from the side. Every movement felt so fluid, cause and effect tumbled with the slow roll of the ball of fire that sizzled millimeters from the now charred stubble on the left side of his chin. The bitter scent leaked in his nose while in riposte to this attack, magic welled in the palm of his steel hand, forming a great scythe of argent magic, expanding into a grid of netting and spraying tetrangular slices across Sage’s torso and sleeve.

I think replacing the underlined section with whoever had dared to may be better here. Cleans it up some, plus it helps shorten word count, which is good for fights. Lets you save some more words for narration =D

The mage’s movements were refined, calculated, amidst the chaotic blaze. The battles with everything on the line and enemies in every line of sight, were the ones where he truly thrived. Blood and magic surged his veins until he was brimming with pure energy. The swarm of battle surged on, tides and throes mixing together like the perfect ingredients for utter devastation, all he had to do was ring the bell.

I think blood might be an unnecessary word here; just having the word magic gets the point across pretty well (you can also turn 'his' into 'in his' or 'through his'. Also, right in sentence after the underlined one is the use of 'surge' again. I usually wouldn't mention that, but considering that either use of 'surged' can be replaced here with something else, I think it's worth noting.

Tearen’s form glided like a ghost gaunt with death, he used his kneeling target’s delay to charge his beam which erupted from his clutches and drove straight through Gildarts’ lower abdomen. The laser-heat allowed the mage’s flesh to be instantaneously cauterized but the quarter-sized hole missing from the side of his stomach caused his teeth to puncture his lip, drawing more pain than blood.

In the first sentence, the first comma there can probably be replaced with a period. They're independent clauses, so all is safe to just remove that comma and stuff a period there.





Overall, you're a great writer (as you already know). If there's one main area you could possibly improve in, it would be trying to write in an overall manner that's more welcoming for lower and moderate level readers and writers. This would mostly have to do with simplifying your sentences some, and possibly using less words that the general public has to google XD

A good example of this would be Tearen. The guy is a great writer--on par with you and many other here (including myself)--who still manages to write posts that are easily understandable to the ordinary Joe, which only has a HS reading level, if that.