07-03-2017, 08:52 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-23-2017, 12:14 AM by King Ghidorah.
Edit Reason: Minor grammatical and sentence-structure cleanup. Also Thneeds.
)
Quote:Channel 46690.2 - The Radical Environmentalism Channel - The Lorax: Second Blood (trailer). Gravelly action-film voiceover narration in italics.
Fade in on a horrific industrial wasteland. The camera pans across mounds of gray, lifeless soil littered with rusted machinery and pools of oily water. In the backround smokestacks loom, half-crumbled and abandoned. A cracked and pitted road plays host to the only vegetation - ashen crabgrass withering in the crumbling tarmac.
In a world ravaged by one man's greed...
The camera quick-fades out, and then back in on a hillside covered in tree stumps. We zoom in slowly. Thunder rumbles in the distance, and it begins to rain, filthy ochre-colored drops pattering on the ground. A single filthy thneed - a fuzzy kind of thing half-way between a set of long-underwear and a mobius-strip - lies abandoned among the wastes.
And the brutal demise of the Truffula Trees...
Quick-fade-cut to the same landscape, but earlier. Huge belching steel machines with a frankly improbable number of chainsaws attached to their many sinister robot-arms are gliding over the hillside on ridiculously tiny wheels, cutting down long, slender trees topped by beautiful, dynamic tufts of multi-hued fur. Tiny bear-like creatures flee for their lives in the foreground.
One extremely.... hairy little man will rise.
Synth-heavy new-wave music begins playing, fraught with darkly kinetic ambiance. The camera fade-cuts to a single, large tree-stump atop a gray, soot-blasted hill. The stump cracks down the middle, falling open like the shell of an egg. An orange-furred head emerges from within, equipped with a blonde mustache that would make Teddy Roosevelt proud. It's wearing a red bandanna. Its eyes are huge, but other than that and the mustache its face bears a startling resemblance to Sylvester Stallone. The rest of the creature follows in short order. It has no neck, just a pair of broad shoulders crowning a carrot-shaped body with bulging biceps and tiny legs, all one-hundred percent nude and covered in thick orange hair. It's got a bandolier across its chest, and its holding a futuristic-looking pump-action shotgun.
"MY NAME IS THE LORAX!" it bellows, standing atop its tree-stump, and brandishing its weapon to the heavens. "AND I BRING YOUR DEMISE!"
His name is the Lorax - we tell you no lies.
The shotgun fires, and the music speeds up. We're treated to a rapid-fire montage of tension-filled scenes. A stocky old man in a business suit stands in an oppulently-appointed office holding a small burlap bag. "I am the Twiceler, I've stolen these seeds."
A younger man with a stenographer's notepad stands nearby, beside a potted plant. "To replenish the trees, sir?"
The man smiles and nods grimly. "So that I can make thneeds!"
Smash-cut. One of the bear-like creatures from earlier bursts through a door with a wierdly-shaped frame. He's wearing an eye-patch. "The Twiceler has stolen the truffula seeds! And soon he'll make thneeds, the thing everyone needs!"
The Lorax is sitting in a chair in a dingy bar. The walls are hung with torn thneeds and the stuffed heads of Swomee-Swans. He spits out a half-smoked cigar and knocks back a tumbler of whiskey. "You're a barbaloot, Jim, so remember your creed. You of all people know that nobody needs thneeds!"
Cut to the Twiceler's office. He slams his hand on the desk. "Somebody's clogging the outtake valves up! We're knee-deep in gloop and in shluppity-shlup!"
"They say it's the Lorax," says his assisstant, looking nervous. "He'll cut us off at the knees!"
"The who?" says the Twiceler, grimacing and sitting back in his chair. The camera cuts to the enormous mahogany door of the office as it suddenly explodes inward - the Lorax is standing there holding a grenade-launcher.
"The Lorax, you bastard! I Kill For the Trees!"
He fires the grenade launcher straight at the camera. The ensuing explosion blasts a title-card onto the screenn, backlit by crackling flames. "THE LORAX: SECOND BLOOD"
THE LORAX - SECOND BLOOD!
Rated-NC-17 -For-graphic-violence-and-sexuality-this-film-has-been-deemed-subversive-by-the-Imperial-Film-Ratings-and-Censorship-Board-Playing-now-at-select-theaters-viewers-may-be-subject-to-arrest-and-interrogation-by-authorized-Imperial-authorities.