Zone E -- Highlands

[Enel]

We stumble out of the bar, laughing. Who knew the bug man and Captain Average were such a laugh? If I’d have known, I probably would have teamed up with Bugman earlier rather than take his shit. I feel kinda bad. Especially because he can’t swear.

“C’mon,” I slur, taunting. “Say asshole.”

“Fffu … I mean … get lost, asshol-RRRRARARARA!” he screams as electric shocks jolt through his body.

Me and Archer are losing our shit. As drunk as he is, it’s impossible for him not to slip up.

“You guys,” I manage to say. “Seriously now, this is … serious. We need to win.”

“Win,” Archer snorts. “Come on, man, we’re half dead! LOOK AT HIS FUCKIN’ EYE!”

The polar bear sticking out is too much. We lose it, even Cell howls with laughter. Then he points at me.

“And look at your fuckin’-AGH SHIT SON OF A-COCKSUCKAAA!”

The fact that he was about to make fun of my teeth is lost amidst the hilarity of his electrocution. I don’t even care that they keep calling me ‘Anal’.

My head spins. “Guys I gadda-”

Puke. I drop to my knees and vomit, heaving out fresh juice and rum. My brain is too numb to feel the pain.

“Lightweight,” mumbles Archer.

I stand up, turning around. “You’re just a fuckin’ … alcoholic.”

He sways. “And?”

I turn and vomit again. Even I’m laughing, in between heaves. I’m going to regret this so much in the morning.

What were we even doing?

“C’mon, Cell, this guy’s too drunk to even walk. Let’s get to the safehouse.”

I turn and raise a finger. “How ffar izzat?”

Each of them hoists me up on a shoulder. Somehow, even despite the one’s injured leg. They’re carrying me.

“Up a … mountain,” hisses Cell. I can tell he managed to censor himself, which means it’s not going to be an easy climb.

I stagger forward. “I’m fine! I’m fine! God Enel needs no …” I stop, holding a finger up. Vomit averted. “Enel needs no … support. I can walk fine on my … own!”

I waddle towards the mountains, ahead of them. I’m the best at walking fast!

Team ACE heading from E9 to E7.