Move Creation Workshop

[Amaterasu]

For those who didn't get helped by Jade and Mark (thanks to you both by the way ), let's take a look.

Black Heart - (300, Ranged Proficiency, Physical Strength Proficiency.) 

 

A key blade that was created out of the Darkness from within Repliku's Heart. The Key-Blade can also be used as a sword, or as a ranged weapon. This blade has a length of about 22 inches long, and a width of about 10 inches. The blade can be summoned in a flash of darkness by Repliku. This key blade can be swung incredibly fast by Repliku and is usually meant to be wielded one-handed, leaving his hand free for another weapon, or move. This is moderately tiring for Repliku to use. The way it can be used by itself as a ranged weapon is by being "thrown" at an opponent, usually aimed at the head and then being teleported back to Repliku's hand, as once it leaves his hand it can only be gone a few seconds before it will rematerialize in his hands.  Another way that this could be used although it makes the use of the key blade more taxing on Repliku is that he can channel any spells he knows through the key blade, bumping up the damage level from low to medium, medium to high, etc, at the cost of getting heavily exhausted if he does this for prolonged periods of time. 

The key blade can also "lock" people's hearts, preventing the formation of a Heartless or Nobody should they be consumed by the Heartless. It can also release the Heart from a Heartless, returning the heart to the Nobody that was created when the Heart was consumed, turning them back into themselves. 

Furthermore, this can act as an "All Access Pass" for Repliku when he has access to a base of his own, able to be used as a key to well... anything he owns. 

Lastly, the Key Blade can only be wielded by Repliku unless he performs an "Inheritance Ceremony" that he doesn't remember how to do with ones he deems worthy of the Key Blade. Granted they'd have to buy their own version, but still. 

Axel's Chakrams (600, Ranged Proficiency, Physical Strength Proficiency.): 

A weapon that belonged to one of the Members of Organization XIII. This can either be used as a melee weapon, or as a thrown weapon, or as a defensive item. They can be used to block attacks, or to slash at an enemy, or thrown like projectile weapons. They travel at the speed of crossbow bolts when hurled at an enemy however. 

I'm not sure what you did, but you have a massive bloat of size, color and align code before and after each text paragraph. You should probably look into that.

Black Heart
-"Moderately tiring to use" and "Can be swung incredibly fast" are not very specific, especially the latter. Remember that you must write this move so that anyone who looks at your roster can understand how they're supposed to use your move.

-"He can channel any spells he knows through the key blade, bumping up the damage level from low to medium, medium to high, etc, at the cost of getting heavily exhausted if he does this for prolonged periods of time." This is a no-go unless you note this into each spell channelable through Black Heart. Please refer to my last post on this subject.

Axel's Chakrams
-How do the chakrams return, if at all, when thrown?

-How tiring are they to use and how fast can they be used?

Somer's lack of ranged attacks that can be used indoors has become apparent.
Thus, I'm hoping to add this onto Lightning Strike:
Lightning Strike (Ranged, Area Attack, Debuff) (300): An alternate, ranged version of this attack allows Somerled to send out an electrical pulse via his hands. Lightning builds up in his body over the course of eight seconds, a passive charge-up that he can do while moving about and even holding someone down. Hitting someone or being hit does break the spell, however. Once he’s fully charged, a strike of lightning shoots out from one of his hands, flying roughly forward up to 30 meters in an instant, before curving into the ground and glassing the spot it strikes. Any object in its path will stop the bolt before it travels that far, but wood and anything weaker than it will be obliterated in the process. Should it hit a person, it pierces through them instead of blasting them apart, and can hit and pierce multiple people so long as they’re all lined up like idiots. It's an ethereal piercing rather than physical, so no gaping wound is left in its wake. The bolt proper measures about an inch in diameter and strikes with absolutely devastating force, capable of launching even the most steadfast clear off their feet and back a fair few meters. Those who are struck also suffer from disorientation for about 5 seconds, as well as blindness (provided their eyes were open) and deafness, both of which last half as long. People caught within 10 meters of the bolt also get hit with the blind and deafness. Due to the fact that he has to charge lightning through his body to use it, firing it off scorches his arm with lightning burns and overloads his muscles with electrical impulses, making his own movements imprecise and numbing the affected arm. This compounds each time he uses it, culminating in him becoming unable to feel his own arms after two or so uses, and makes them unmovable and useless after about four. This lasts until he’s able to rest and heal. Additionally, this version of the attack is incredibly draining, and he often doesn't have the energy to use it more than thrice.

-More of a recommendation than a requirement, but it'd be good to divide this wall of text into a couple of paragraphs for easier reading.

-"If it hits a person it pierces through them", this bit would probably require a bit of clarification: if the lightning hits 2 people, is each one dealt half damage? Does it deal full damage to the first person and far less to the ones behind them, like a bullet would? Also, it will probably bump the cost up to 600 but I'm not sure on this.

-If he can use Lightning Strike 3 times per fight, you should probably note how much his arms are affected after three casts rather than four?

Got a couple of moves here I'm looking to try and iron out the kinks on for after DA. Can't put 'em in Move Approval yet but wanted to go ahead and start working on 'em so they're ready.



Energy Wave -- 600 OM (Requires: Ranged Proficiency)
Graowr gathers ki into a hand, as if to perform Energy Shot, but focuses it to a greater extent, for roughly three seconds. After gathering it thusly, she thrusts her arm out, releasing a focused beam of energy, roughly two feet in diameter. It reaches for roughly thirty meters before losing cohesion and fading out. At its base level, it is sustained for about three seconds, and can be swept from side to side while firing it to try and follow a target, but Graowr must remain stationary while firing it. At need be, she can continue to funnel energy into it to maintain the beam for longer, past the default of three seconds, to continue harrying a foe, but it is progressively more draining to maintain it for longer periods.

Full Power Energy Ball -- 300 OM (Requires: Ranged Proficiency, Area Attack Proficiency)
Graowr gathers ki into both hands, as if preparing an Energy Shot, but slams both orbs of ki together to make a larger, more powerful one, in a process requiring two seconds. It is hurled at a target, up to a range of 40 meters, on a straight trajectory at roughly the speed of a bullet. Upon impact with anything, it releases a sizable explosion and throws up a cloud of smoke. It is a basic, but powerful attack.

Meteor Crash -- 300 OM (Requires: Physical Strength, Flight, Burst Movement)
Graowr gathers her strength for five seconds, her aura flaring around her like an intense flame. When she is done, she launches full-speed at her target, unleashing a blisteringly fast and powerful combination attack of melee strikes. They are thrown in quick, rapid succession as little more than a blur, but the focus and prep time before executing the move means each one hits like a heavy strike, wound up and followed through. The sheer force and speed of the onslaught can actually lift her target off the ground, pushing them into the air with the force of it, and she will follow them up, beating on them with senseless fury for five seconds before delivering a spinning kick to knock them away.

Candy Beam -- 300 OM (Requires: Ranged Proficiency, Debuff)
Focusing for five seconds, Graowr points her finger at a target and unleashes a crackling beam of pink energy. It reaches for only about twenty feet, making it relatively short-ranged, but it moves at the speed of an arrow and is difficult to dodge. Should it make contact, the target is engulfed in a stinging, painful aura of pink lightning before a poof of smoke and flash of light, and they are transformed into some sort of candy. It's never the same type, but the effects are always the same. The opponent still has their mind and full thoughts, but most of their ability to fight effectively is cut off. If they have certain powers (such as Flight) they will still be able to move, and other powers (such as Telekiensis, Teleportation, Enhanced Senses, etc) will still let them see and interact to still 'fight' to some extent. Any moves which do not require specific body parts or weapons can also still be used. While thusly transformed into candy, however, the target loses much of its capabilities, and becomes a very easy target. The effects last for ten seconds, with one second deducted for every point of TEC the opponent has above Graowr's. While an opponent is transformed, this technique cannot be used on another target. The intense focus also requires uninterrupted charge time, and for her to remain stationary while preparing and firing the technique.

Candy Crush -- 300 OM (Requires: Physical Strength)
Usable only on a target under the effects of Candy Beam. Graowr attempts to snatch her candified target out of the air by any means necessary, and if she is successful, she devours them. The eaten target suffers heavy damage, but is immediately expelled back into the real world, the effects of Candy Beam immediately undone.

Energy Wave
-You should, maybe review the number, of commas in this, move. I don't think that there's any grammar errors but it breaks the reading flow a bit

-Does "swept side to side while firing it" mean that Graowr can "aim" her attack by moving her arm before firing it, or that she can control the beam once it leaves her hand? If it's the latter, Remote Control may be required.

-Is there any maximum duration for which the beam can be maintained (before Graowr gets too tired or before the beam simply can't be sustained anymore)?

Full Power Energy Ball How draining is it to use, and what happens if it reaches its max distance (does it dissipate or explode)? Other than that, looks good to me!

Meteor Crash How draining is it to use? Other than that I think it's good to go.

Candy Beam How draining is... you know the drill. It would also be helpful to point out if the candy is the size of regular candy or if the transformed person keeps their original size.

Candy Crush I'm not sure if this one would break the "no combo moves" rule... you could perhaps make it so that Graowr can technically try to devour anyone but prefers candyfied targets (as fluff, obvs), and I'd remove the "undoes effects of Candy Beam" entirely, or put it into fluff as well to clarify that it's not a disadvantage to make the move stronger?