06-23-2017, 01:09 PM
As soon as the tiara was placed on Deadpool's crown, a rush of adrenaline filled the mercenary like steam building in a kettle; his heart pounded more rapidly than a college kid beating on a bass while insanely high on cocaine.
He jumped to his feet with wide eyes and trembling hands.
”Oh no,” Deadpool said. He panted heavily. ”What have you done?”
Albino Jak observed in perplexity, which quelled his sense of rage; so did Shinmen, who had overcome his stint of asphyxiation. In that moment, the two combatants became spectators like everyone else watching the fight around the Omniverse. The tiara had never been witnessed in action—it hadn't even been since Deadpool claimed it as his reward for Dante's Abyss 2015—so its capabilities were unknown to anyone (except for Karl, who may have tested its limits on some of his slaves employees).
Gurgled nonsense started to spew from the mercenary's mouth. He could feel his own throat choking him as his Adam's apple jittered up and down like a malfunctioning elevator shooting between random floors. He tried to move forward, but collapsed to one knee.
Albino Jak approached him cautiously. His right hand was balled into a fist that discharged more violet lightning, which dashed up his arm before dissipating near his clavicle. This upcoming attack had the intent of ending a life.
But Deadpool glanced at the monstrosity and winked. The gurgling sounds ceased, and the tremor in his hands vanished.
”So tell me, Jak,” he said in a calm voice, “does your race have defined genders?”
The mercenary drove an uppercut right into the center mass between Jak's legs. The rather large package kept hidden inside his knickerbockers molded to the shape of the mercenary's fist. Deadpool felt the size of his genitals crush under the force of his punch, transforming the round texture inside into mashed potatoes
A groan escaped from deep within Jak. It reminded the mercenary of someone grunting after passing a shit thought too large to push out. Except this was sweeter.
”Ya know, it was pretty ballsy of you to take a gamble with my artefact—,“ he glanced at his fist, then removed it from between Jak's quivering thighs, ”—no pun intended.”
The monstrosity collapsed to both knees, hands cupped over his man-region to coddle what remained of his testes.
”But, if your author was keeping up with my character, she'd know that my artefact is safely in its vault.” Deadpool removed the crown from his head and chucked it carelessly over his shoulder. ”That was just a decoy.”
Shimen had no interest in bloviating speeches. Once the mercenary threw his crown, the samurai dashed towards him.
”Looks like I have another client, Jak.” Deadpool located one of his katana resting on the ground near his foot. He used the tip of his boot to kick the sword into the air, and into his right hand. ”Let's reschedule—how's 4:30PM, Central Standard Time?” he quipped, gently patting Jak on the head before redirecting his focus.
Shimen swept his blade diagonally, but the mercenary caught it with an upward, decussating slash. The two blades collided with a hollow clang. He retracted his blade and tried again, but this time with a horizontal slice; Deadpool caught it again, shifting his sword to a vertical position to intercept the attack. Another clang resounded.
The two katanas continued dancing to a rhythm only known by cold steel, stringing together more metallic sounds until it sounded like a swordsman's symphony.
Deadpool smiled. He couldn't recall the last time someone challenged his sword expertise. Shimen's strokes weren't as refined as his own, but the samurai's fiery aggression gave his wild movements power, which the mercenary could sense each time their swords clashed, and the recoil reverberated through his wrists and arms.
Yeah I can, Deadpool thought. ”Psyloche—that was the last time someone really challenged me in a sword fight (Sorry Sasuke and Mickey (not really)).
But their stalemate was beginning to bore him. The mercenary decided that samurai's next haphazard strike would be his last. When Shinmen over-arched his katana, Deadpool saw a bajillion square millimeters of space to plant his foot into the samura's gut. Shinmen's body felt like Zone-D's swamp mud against the traction of the mercenary's boot as he forced the samurai to regurgitate whatever oxygen he regained since Jak strangled him.
"Pro-tip, Samurai guy: sandals are made for beaches and biblical figures," Deadpool joked while removing foot from Shinmen's bowels. "But definitely not fighting."
Just as the samurai collapsed to the ground, that sweet 'too large of a shit' sound soothed Deadpool's ear once more. However, a sharp whistling sound interjected.
Deadpool whipped around to see Albino Jak unloading a volley of orange energy from his blaster, one hand still coddling his genitals.
He jumped to his feet with wide eyes and trembling hands.
”Oh no,” Deadpool said. He panted heavily. ”What have you done?”
Albino Jak observed in perplexity, which quelled his sense of rage; so did Shinmen, who had overcome his stint of asphyxiation. In that moment, the two combatants became spectators like everyone else watching the fight around the Omniverse. The tiara had never been witnessed in action—it hadn't even been since Deadpool claimed it as his reward for Dante's Abyss 2015—so its capabilities were unknown to anyone (except for Karl, who may have tested its limits on some of his slaves employees).
Gurgled nonsense started to spew from the mercenary's mouth. He could feel his own throat choking him as his Adam's apple jittered up and down like a malfunctioning elevator shooting between random floors. He tried to move forward, but collapsed to one knee.
Albino Jak approached him cautiously. His right hand was balled into a fist that discharged more violet lightning, which dashed up his arm before dissipating near his clavicle. This upcoming attack had the intent of ending a life.
But Deadpool glanced at the monstrosity and winked. The gurgling sounds ceased, and the tremor in his hands vanished.
”So tell me, Jak,” he said in a calm voice, “does your race have defined genders?”
The mercenary drove an uppercut right into the center mass between Jak's legs. The rather large package kept hidden inside his knickerbockers molded to the shape of the mercenary's fist. Deadpool felt the size of his genitals crush under the force of his punch, transforming the round texture inside into mashed potatoes
A groan escaped from deep within Jak. It reminded the mercenary of someone grunting after passing a shit thought too large to push out. Except this was sweeter.
”Ya know, it was pretty ballsy of you to take a gamble with my artefact—,“ he glanced at his fist, then removed it from between Jak's quivering thighs, ”—no pun intended.”
The monstrosity collapsed to both knees, hands cupped over his man-region to coddle what remained of his testes.
”But, if your author was keeping up with my character, she'd know that my artefact is safely in its vault.” Deadpool removed the crown from his head and chucked it carelessly over his shoulder. ”That was just a decoy.”
Shimen had no interest in bloviating speeches. Once the mercenary threw his crown, the samurai dashed towards him.
”Looks like I have another client, Jak.” Deadpool located one of his katana resting on the ground near his foot. He used the tip of his boot to kick the sword into the air, and into his right hand. ”Let's reschedule—how's 4:30PM, Central Standard Time?” he quipped, gently patting Jak on the head before redirecting his focus.
Shimen swept his blade diagonally, but the mercenary caught it with an upward, decussating slash. The two blades collided with a hollow clang. He retracted his blade and tried again, but this time with a horizontal slice; Deadpool caught it again, shifting his sword to a vertical position to intercept the attack. Another clang resounded.
The two katanas continued dancing to a rhythm only known by cold steel, stringing together more metallic sounds until it sounded like a swordsman's symphony.
Deadpool smiled. He couldn't recall the last time someone challenged his sword expertise. Shimen's strokes weren't as refined as his own, but the samurai's fiery aggression gave his wild movements power, which the mercenary could sense each time their swords clashed, and the recoil reverberated through his wrists and arms.
Yeah I can, Deadpool thought. ”Psyloche—that was the last time someone really challenged me in a sword fight (Sorry Sasuke and Mickey (not really)).
But their stalemate was beginning to bore him. The mercenary decided that samurai's next haphazard strike would be his last. When Shinmen over-arched his katana, Deadpool saw a bajillion square millimeters of space to plant his foot into the samura's gut. Shinmen's body felt like Zone-D's swamp mud against the traction of the mercenary's boot as he forced the samurai to regurgitate whatever oxygen he regained since Jak strangled him.
"Pro-tip, Samurai guy: sandals are made for beaches and biblical figures," Deadpool joked while removing foot from Shinmen's bowels. "But definitely not fighting."
Just as the samurai collapsed to the ground, that sweet 'too large of a shit' sound soothed Deadpool's ear once more. However, a sharp whistling sound interjected.
Deadpool whipped around to see Albino Jak unloading a volley of orange energy from his blaster, one hand still coddling his genitals.
Quote:799 words by word counter.net
Summary
Tiara was fake
Deadpool punched Jak in the nuts
Cool sword battle with Shinmen
Clichè cliffhanger for open-ended judgment
[float=right]
![[Image: Deadpool_Funny.png]](http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q218/Aerogfx/sigs/Deadpool_Funny.png)
Dante's Abyss Placings
2015 - 4th
2015 - 4th
2016 - 2nd
2017 - 4th
PVP Combat Record
(One-on-One)
3W - 0L - 0D
3W - 0L - 0D
(TAG-TEAM)
1W - 1L - 0D
[/float]![[Image: Deadpool_Funny.png]](http://s137.photobucket.com/user/Aerogfx/media/sigs/Deadpool_Funny.png.html)