01-03-2015, 12:54 PM
Book Club #6
Topic 1: The Price of Freedom
Action! At the beginning of the bookclub topic I wasn't sure what to expect, but now, I am marveling! I feel as though the style kept the action going with the description perfectly. And the depiction of pokemon is entirely unique, and gives us-the reader- insight on how Lopunny feels. Also the change of scenery was flawless on how Omni suddenly appears. I feel as though I am watching a movie trailer! Later the dubiousness Lopunny has, without overwhelming the reader with description, I could accurately feel how Lopunny felt, by her let-down words of disappointment (toward beginning of post). I also would like to mention I think your writing style is great because there isn't a lot of (sorry about this pun) "fluff" that strings readers along so that they might get bored. You are fluffy and "fluff" free. You get to the point, and it is action filled, "bouncing" and making it fun, you make the reader wait to see what happens next- but to the point where they anticipate it and long for answers and action as to what Lopunny will do next. I found myself genuinely interested and concerned for Lopunny's character.
I felt a great twist when I felt Omni was alluded to as your new trainer, and this kind of struck me with "aren't we all just pokemon in the end?" Also when Lopunny yelled "there's no use, I'm useless." I understood the dismay, and it didn't need it to be explained to me- as to what this was referring to- something i personally feel I am bad at.
The perspective of the post was great, I liked the ending, it really felt like a completed, "full circle" story. The mystique surrounding the Medicham and the action against the villainous Gengar surrounded and concluded the post perfectly. I really mean it. And suddenly, the character's lineage is revealed! Both the reader could be shocked along with Lopunny, because I wasn't expecting that. I look forward to reading more about Lopunny and am content after my movie trailer experience.
Oh! One more thing! So as per the name, I recently just did my Intro post and compared the previous before me, I was like, "these all really fit the character and immediate feel." (oh I think I'm aloud to use 1st person in this post, too late).
Looking back on Lopunny, actually paying the price for her freedom and gaining truth, I like that it fits from the beginning of the post where you were trapped, to the end, where you stood up for yourself and kicked Gengar butt. I was cheering on Lopunny through thick and thin, and with an immediate relationship established with Lopunny and the reader, I felt as though it wasn't forced and just flowed.
Topic 2: Fear No Evil
First thought, before learning his name I learned where he came from, the front lines. Before I continue, I'll make a note that I've read a few combat oriented books, mostly the classics (well, I call them classics but they weren't written by Mr. Twain) but they are older books, and are usually written by combat vets. I felt the same descriptive and adaptation here- obviously with DG's own spin, but it wasn't a "forced" character, as sometimes RP characters may seem.
The description you allowed your character to express gives the reader insight on his personality, without you having to say anything about it. I liked the interlude, If I might call it that, of where "nexus" was linked in with quotes. I immediately got it and having read up so much the last few days about the nexus, it clarified and made it easier to understand with 1 word. Then his reaction, I understood the disorientation when he searched for his lost weaponry. Then I could see where an actual soldier taking inventory in a survival situation would play in this scenario. And I smiled when you referred to Omni as the person whom had abducted you, that was perfect.
Vocabulary: when in the second part of your post, you referred to the lack of action as "monotonous" I felt as though that is what it would be referred to by a military prioritized person, and when "marched" was used in the similar location of the post, i enjoyed the inside joke- the adjective just sort of matched and clicked.
As DG continues his journey to the VD and his adventures grow more vivid, I feel like I can see where the character is coming from, and his aggression emphasizes it. As though the world is a battleground for him, he is ruthlessly waiting for his chance. I like the perspective and I like how unique of a character he is and the way you portray him.
Topic 3: Giant Country
The introduction was vividly descriptive, it painted a picture from words directly to my imagination. The well paced description gave information when needed, wasn't rushed and was tranquil, so I was shocked when the real action began with a bit of a "cliff-hanger."
The plot hangs off of Chosen Undead's analysis of the situation, and at one point where the boulders fell- but not quick enough that he couldn't get a thought in to the reader, to help assess the situation. I really liked that, hang on I'll quote it. This part here, "through the trees, if it was an attacker and not a landslide. Then, a second rock crashed into the ground, just behind the Chosen, and this time the impact did knock him down, falling forward as he grunted in shock. Yet, he couldn't afford to stay still..." well i liked his part so much I guess I quoted a big chunk of it, but as the paragraph continued the same style kept me on my toes. I like the sense of action conveyed in an independent way, and I liked that I could read on wondering with the character and not have to feel forced or motivated to.
At the point where more was revealed about them, I felt it was at a good harmony in the post, a bit of ebb and flow of action and description left me, the reader, desiring what type of giants i was to picture- and then three! I savored the shock of the unexpected details, which I might add is quite skillful, with the anticipation of description you added a new variable. It was good.
I like that there isn't too much repetition, you say it straight, skillfully, and then go about with the action of the post and the relayed reaction with your character. The personification of battle to dancing was quite enjoyable, and offered insight to Chosen Undead's familiar relationship with battle.
So CU injured one giant- and that was when I realized the SIZE of the implied impossible feat, one man, against Three Giants. As if one wasn't hard enough to slay!
During the fight sequence, this was sized up with "one metal covered undead" I quite like that and felt it, "on Que." Also I feel as though the description of each move matches the ebb and flow of the battle sequence. Notably describing 3 similar enemies all in the same battle sequence can be difficult, but in this case I didn't feel a strain to identify them each singularly- which kind of unites the reader with Undead. And also the specification touched on was delicate, and let the reader know which one was which with their distinctive injuries and the one weapon which was different offered a superior v inferior balance with the enemies. (In other words variation).
I think the fight sequence is inventive, and I like that parts of it get the reader cheering for Undead's victory. A bit of a David and Goliath, With the Giants but In this sequence there is no doubt chosen knows how do deal with a few giants! I also notably like the occasional "exclamation point !" As I feel it is neglected and definitely mixes up sentences and makes them more dynamic!
See what I did there? Anyway, I think you make good use of it, and it plays into the fight strategically and conveys the excitement within a sentence. I don't hesitate when I read nor do I question their existence ahem they seem to subtly amp up the fight.
A note on vocabulary. Your descriptions were matched with the finesse of fighting and I felt I was reading a thoroughly thought out post, one with meaning and it definitely gave me more than a few things to think about. The beginning similarly, gave the reader a great aspect as to how and where undead had happened upon the icy terrain in which he found himself fighting for his life. I also think that giving ample time to the reader to think about the giant they picture a worthy adversary, was an important, unsaid necessity.
At the last paragraph I was ready for the beasts to be vanquished, and I was grateful when perspective of the feat was brought into text. A mentioned slain dragon makes the reader crave more action and adventure and makes the reader wonder . Not only as to how those beasts were vanquished, but on Chosen as well.
Who am I seeing battle the impossible? Whereas another questionable aspect may come into play, why does this make him feel alive?
Not that you textually said this, but it kind of was left there when so many quests had been made- of this sort, what does Chosen get out of the thrills of adventure, etc.
Okay. The last part where chosen deliberated following the surviving giant was spot on and executed perfectly. The nonchalance of the delivery made me smile, because I felt like through his action and choice, I now knew the character well. Not to mention it was just a cool way to finish a somewhat extensive post. It left the feat he had just accomplished -2/3 giants (and no doubt the 3rd would have been slain too, had he stuck around) with a bit of elegance. But at the end, chosen would live to fight another day, and other adventures like this would occur, this one had a great finale that was undoubtedly and for lack of a better fitting word, "cool."
Topic 1: The Price of Freedom
Action! At the beginning of the bookclub topic I wasn't sure what to expect, but now, I am marveling! I feel as though the style kept the action going with the description perfectly. And the depiction of pokemon is entirely unique, and gives us-the reader- insight on how Lopunny feels. Also the change of scenery was flawless on how Omni suddenly appears. I feel as though I am watching a movie trailer! Later the dubiousness Lopunny has, without overwhelming the reader with description, I could accurately feel how Lopunny felt, by her let-down words of disappointment (toward beginning of post). I also would like to mention I think your writing style is great because there isn't a lot of (sorry about this pun) "fluff" that strings readers along so that they might get bored. You are fluffy and "fluff" free. You get to the point, and it is action filled, "bouncing" and making it fun, you make the reader wait to see what happens next- but to the point where they anticipate it and long for answers and action as to what Lopunny will do next. I found myself genuinely interested and concerned for Lopunny's character.
I felt a great twist when I felt Omni was alluded to as your new trainer, and this kind of struck me with "aren't we all just pokemon in the end?" Also when Lopunny yelled "there's no use, I'm useless." I understood the dismay, and it didn't need it to be explained to me- as to what this was referring to- something i personally feel I am bad at.
The perspective of the post was great, I liked the ending, it really felt like a completed, "full circle" story. The mystique surrounding the Medicham and the action against the villainous Gengar surrounded and concluded the post perfectly. I really mean it. And suddenly, the character's lineage is revealed! Both the reader could be shocked along with Lopunny, because I wasn't expecting that. I look forward to reading more about Lopunny and am content after my movie trailer experience.
Oh! One more thing! So as per the name, I recently just did my Intro post and compared the previous before me, I was like, "these all really fit the character and immediate feel." (oh I think I'm aloud to use 1st person in this post, too late).
Looking back on Lopunny, actually paying the price for her freedom and gaining truth, I like that it fits from the beginning of the post where you were trapped, to the end, where you stood up for yourself and kicked Gengar butt. I was cheering on Lopunny through thick and thin, and with an immediate relationship established with Lopunny and the reader, I felt as though it wasn't forced and just flowed.
Topic 2: Fear No Evil
First thought, before learning his name I learned where he came from, the front lines. Before I continue, I'll make a note that I've read a few combat oriented books, mostly the classics (well, I call them classics but they weren't written by Mr. Twain) but they are older books, and are usually written by combat vets. I felt the same descriptive and adaptation here- obviously with DG's own spin, but it wasn't a "forced" character, as sometimes RP characters may seem.
The description you allowed your character to express gives the reader insight on his personality, without you having to say anything about it. I liked the interlude, If I might call it that, of where "nexus" was linked in with quotes. I immediately got it and having read up so much the last few days about the nexus, it clarified and made it easier to understand with 1 word. Then his reaction, I understood the disorientation when he searched for his lost weaponry. Then I could see where an actual soldier taking inventory in a survival situation would play in this scenario. And I smiled when you referred to Omni as the person whom had abducted you, that was perfect.
Vocabulary: when in the second part of your post, you referred to the lack of action as "monotonous" I felt as though that is what it would be referred to by a military prioritized person, and when "marched" was used in the similar location of the post, i enjoyed the inside joke- the adjective just sort of matched and clicked.
As DG continues his journey to the VD and his adventures grow more vivid, I feel like I can see where the character is coming from, and his aggression emphasizes it. As though the world is a battleground for him, he is ruthlessly waiting for his chance. I like the perspective and I like how unique of a character he is and the way you portray him.
Topic 3: Giant Country
The introduction was vividly descriptive, it painted a picture from words directly to my imagination. The well paced description gave information when needed, wasn't rushed and was tranquil, so I was shocked when the real action began with a bit of a "cliff-hanger."
The plot hangs off of Chosen Undead's analysis of the situation, and at one point where the boulders fell- but not quick enough that he couldn't get a thought in to the reader, to help assess the situation. I really liked that, hang on I'll quote it. This part here, "through the trees, if it was an attacker and not a landslide. Then, a second rock crashed into the ground, just behind the Chosen, and this time the impact did knock him down, falling forward as he grunted in shock. Yet, he couldn't afford to stay still..." well i liked his part so much I guess I quoted a big chunk of it, but as the paragraph continued the same style kept me on my toes. I like the sense of action conveyed in an independent way, and I liked that I could read on wondering with the character and not have to feel forced or motivated to.
At the point where more was revealed about them, I felt it was at a good harmony in the post, a bit of ebb and flow of action and description left me, the reader, desiring what type of giants i was to picture- and then three! I savored the shock of the unexpected details, which I might add is quite skillful, with the anticipation of description you added a new variable. It was good.
I like that there isn't too much repetition, you say it straight, skillfully, and then go about with the action of the post and the relayed reaction with your character. The personification of battle to dancing was quite enjoyable, and offered insight to Chosen Undead's familiar relationship with battle.
So CU injured one giant- and that was when I realized the SIZE of the implied impossible feat, one man, against Three Giants. As if one wasn't hard enough to slay!
During the fight sequence, this was sized up with "one metal covered undead" I quite like that and felt it, "on Que." Also I feel as though the description of each move matches the ebb and flow of the battle sequence. Notably describing 3 similar enemies all in the same battle sequence can be difficult, but in this case I didn't feel a strain to identify them each singularly- which kind of unites the reader with Undead. And also the specification touched on was delicate, and let the reader know which one was which with their distinctive injuries and the one weapon which was different offered a superior v inferior balance with the enemies. (In other words variation).
I think the fight sequence is inventive, and I like that parts of it get the reader cheering for Undead's victory. A bit of a David and Goliath, With the Giants but In this sequence there is no doubt chosen knows how do deal with a few giants! I also notably like the occasional "exclamation point !" As I feel it is neglected and definitely mixes up sentences and makes them more dynamic!
See what I did there? Anyway, I think you make good use of it, and it plays into the fight strategically and conveys the excitement within a sentence. I don't hesitate when I read nor do I question their existence ahem they seem to subtly amp up the fight.
A note on vocabulary. Your descriptions were matched with the finesse of fighting and I felt I was reading a thoroughly thought out post, one with meaning and it definitely gave me more than a few things to think about. The beginning similarly, gave the reader a great aspect as to how and where undead had happened upon the icy terrain in which he found himself fighting for his life. I also think that giving ample time to the reader to think about the giant they picture a worthy adversary, was an important, unsaid necessity.
At the last paragraph I was ready for the beasts to be vanquished, and I was grateful when perspective of the feat was brought into text. A mentioned slain dragon makes the reader crave more action and adventure and makes the reader wonder . Not only as to how those beasts were vanquished, but on Chosen as well.
Who am I seeing battle the impossible? Whereas another questionable aspect may come into play, why does this make him feel alive?
Not that you textually said this, but it kind of was left there when so many quests had been made- of this sort, what does Chosen get out of the thrills of adventure, etc.
Okay. The last part where chosen deliberated following the surviving giant was spot on and executed perfectly. The nonchalance of the delivery made me smile, because I felt like through his action and choice, I now knew the character well. Not to mention it was just a cool way to finish a somewhat extensive post. It left the feat he had just accomplished -2/3 giants (and no doubt the 3rd would have been slain too, had he stuck around) with a bit of elegance. But at the end, chosen would live to fight another day, and other adventures like this would occur, this one had a great finale that was undoubtedly and for lack of a better fitting word, "cool."
![[Image: mqdefault.jpg]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yEac52Ck_1A/mqdefault.jpg)