Zone X -- The Colosseum

[Karl Jak]

Face to Face

Archer vs Cell vs Future Warrior

 
The second colosseum fight had gone from fists and feet to bullets and blasts of energy.  So long as there was violence to behold, the audience didn’t mind what form it took.
 
With the exception of “Graw”—the folks at Syntech had experienced a small victory upon hearing the secret agent man pronounce the excitable blue girl’s name enough times to get it pronounced right—the other two fighters were on the ground.  Tiny pillars of gray smoke wafted upon from scorch marks on Cell’s body as the bio-android took a few long moments to ponder the meaning of life.
 
Favoring one of his legs, Sterling Archer made it to a standing position and checked the condition of his sidearm.  Once he verified that it hadn’t been rendered inoperable following his highspeed collision with the solid brick wall (lol Omniphysics?), the man tried to track down the location of the little blue girl.
 
Was she a girl?  A woman?  Race of midgets?  Magical, alien midgets?
 
Archer smiled faintly at the level of nonsense, but the momentary mirth melted away with the streak of blue came rushing through the layer of haze and tried to spear him through the wall.  With the grace of a handicapped ostrich, he threw himself to the ground as the Future Warrior crashed straight through the thick stone and into the interior of the colosseum, causing the section of seats to sag downward.
 
Before he could celebrate, the man felt something cold and slimy wrap around his neck.
 
“Got you!”  Cell boomed as he used his tail to fling the man up off his feet and down into the solid earthen floor of the arena.  “I’m going to treat you so poorly but don’t fret,” Cell plucked Archer up for another slam before finishing his pitch.  “Once you are broken and destitute, you’ll be able to find a warm and loving home in Shang Tsung’s Orphanage and Old Folk’s Home – the finest establishment for the needy in all of the Pale Moors!”
 
Before he could try to go for three, Cell ate a bullet to the throat.  With a chittering screech, he let go of Archer and clawed at his neck for the projectile buried in his green flesh.  After tearing it free, he took a step forward and found himself staring down the barrel of a sawed-off shotgun.
 
“Shop smart, shop S-Mart,” Sterling Archer said with a smile before pulling the trigger and blowing off half of Cell’s face.
 
With the bio-android twitching on the ground, Archer came back to his feet and turned just in time to fire the second shell before the majin lunged at him.  The girl-creature absorbed the blast and crashed into the man, taking him down to the ground with enough force to drive the air from his lungs and knock the shotgun from his grip.  Without skipping a beat, Graowr smashed her little blue fist into Archer’s face.  The blow fractured the man’s cheekbone and sent the back of his skull thudding against the sand-coated floor of the arena.
 
A second blast like that would leave him concussed.
 
As the maijin reeled back for another crippling strike, Archer grabbed for his pistol.  His vision was obscured by the tiny blue meteor coming down at his face, but he still managed to find the trigger.  Metaphorical stars erupted in front of his eyes as literal bullets erupted from the gun.  Three bullets spat out from the Walter PPK, catching the Future Warrior in the side of the face.  The girl rolled off of the secret agent and cradled the side of her head.  Her own vision seemed a little off as she tried to shake the haze.
 
“Sss’nothing persssonal,” Archer slurred as he rolled onto his elbow and bashed the alien girl in the face with the butt of his pistol until she stopped trying to lift herself off the ground.
 
When she finally went still on the floor of the Colosseum, her body vanished in a swirl of lights.  The same little white fireflies danced around Archer’s prone form as well, and after a brief moment, he was lying on the floor of a bunker with a small present on his lap.
 
“Oh, wonderful,” he muttered as he flipped open the top to reveal a stick of dynamite and what seemed to be an autographed picture of some black-haired ninja guy.  A post-it note read ‘A present for my hero, ~KJ’ and had what seemed to be a lipstick kiss on it.  “Yea, this totally makes up for the concussions.”  Archer muttered as he let his head gingerly fall back to the floor.
 
[spoiler]
Archer wins the fight and gets a stick of Dynamite as a prize.  This does not count as an item pickup for the purpose of end-game rewards.
 
Archer takes 6 points of Accumulated Damage (Includes Minor Injury – Concussion; Google it.)
Future Warrior takes 7 points of Accumulated Damage
Cell Takes 8 points of Accumulated Damage (Includes Minor Injury – No fucking right eye; Ouch)
 
These fights are becoming increasingly infuriating to judge.
 
All of you are returned to… Safehouse C.  All of you are on a 24 hour cooldown [/spoiler]