06-19-2017, 12:03 AM
'Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit-shit!' I think frantically as I dash to avoid the veritable rain of bullets bearing down on me. It ain't enough that my face fucking stings like hell (thanks BITCH), but now I got Lames Bond trying to gun me down like a Mafia reject. Hell, once me and Winterfresh broke off our little date, the bastard didn't even have the decency to keep his weapon trained on HER! No, he just HAD to keep trying to take ME out. I mean, what? He got something against seven-foot tall, insectoid monsters or something?
Fortunately, the guy finally empties his magazines and gives me a moment of reprieve. I scan the battlefield, reptilian eyes narrowed as I search for Majin Eighteen. They immediately widen as I notice her quickly bearing down on me again, feet a blur as she deftly closes the gap between us. Shit is just NOT going my way today. But... the inklings of a plan are started to form and I throw my hands up to stall her, taking a step back.
“Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Hold up! Wait!” I frantically scream at her, to no avail. Fuck. Well, last ditch effort then...
“SSTOP!” I scream, and I finally seem to get through to her. Her eyes widen in curiousity and she literally halts right in mid-step. Good. Now for Double O Stereotype over there. I point a green finger in his direction as he finishes reloading his gun.
“You too! Hold up a ssec, wouldja? I got ssomething to ssay.”
And, you know what? The shit fucking works. For both of them! I'm a fucking genius, if I DO say so myself. But now I actually hafta say something, or I'm probably gonna be shitting bullets and bubblegum for the next week. And that's saying something considering I don't have an anus.
“Firsst off, before my Popss deccides to electrocute my as-ssertive sself: You guyss should definitely go buy ssome Brewnor Brand Bourbon. It'ss the choicce of Omniversse Network Newss sstar: Ron Burgundy. Remember, if it'ss good enough for Ron, it'ss too good for you.”
Ok. Their stares are starting to get REALLY uncomfortable. Acting like they've never had someone push a product in the middle of a fight before, or something. I continue, just so they don't decide to start attacking me again.
“Ssecondly: Hi. I'm Ccell. I don't think we've been properly introducced. And your are..?”
Ol' Blueberry Princess stomps her foot petulantly and glares at me. Adorable.
“You can call me Graowr, and I'm still upset with you over stealing from me! And being a big green evil bug man that eats people and their powers. Meanie!”
I sigh and put my hands up defensively. Not exactly sure WHERE she got her information from, but best to calm her down before the kid blows a gasket.
“Right right. My bad. Jusst got a little caught up in the game, you know? Anywho... pleassure to meet you, Graowr.”
I shift my gaze to Tuxedo Mask, who is a bit further away, and... well, if I had an eyebrow, I'd be raising it.
“Look, buddy,” the guy starts, flourishing his machine gun like anyone else would their hand while speaking, “As much as I'd LOVE to get in your little hippy, peace-time, let's-all-be-friends bullshit, Sterling Archer don't swing that way, comprende?”
“Oh. Well, nicce to meet you anyway, Misster Archer.”
I can visibly see the man's face drop when he realizes he actually gave me his real name. Shit is fucking priceless. Buuuut... now he looks a little pissed. I better hurry this up before his trigger finger gets itchy.
“Now that introductionss are out of the way-and no one introduces you to your perfect match like Oharmony, ssign up now for a free thirty day trial- We can get down to bussinesss.”
“Look. No one here wantss to hurt anyone elsse, right?”
Simultaneously they answer, “I do.” I ignore them
Sso, how about we ssettle thiss with a little game?”
Archer chuckles, “What kind of game? Because I sure as hell ain't playing strip poker with you. You're definitely not my type.”
He looks over at Blueberry and adds, “And I don't even know what the fuck YOU are. Though... I haven't slept with a blue woman before...”
“No no. It'ss more like... Three-Card Monty. Except... there'ss four of me.”
I kick my speed into overdrive as the words leave my beak. Instantaneously, there's four beautiful specimens of perfection in the ring, each lowered into a battle stance and ready to attack.
From my hiding place within an archway leading into the depths of the Colosseum, I chuckle softly and turn to walk further in.
“Ssuckerss.”
Fortunately, the guy finally empties his magazines and gives me a moment of reprieve. I scan the battlefield, reptilian eyes narrowed as I search for Majin Eighteen. They immediately widen as I notice her quickly bearing down on me again, feet a blur as she deftly closes the gap between us. Shit is just NOT going my way today. But... the inklings of a plan are started to form and I throw my hands up to stall her, taking a step back.
“Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Hold up! Wait!” I frantically scream at her, to no avail. Fuck. Well, last ditch effort then...
“SSTOP!” I scream, and I finally seem to get through to her. Her eyes widen in curiousity and she literally halts right in mid-step. Good. Now for Double O Stereotype over there. I point a green finger in his direction as he finishes reloading his gun.
“You too! Hold up a ssec, wouldja? I got ssomething to ssay.”
And, you know what? The shit fucking works. For both of them! I'm a fucking genius, if I DO say so myself. But now I actually hafta say something, or I'm probably gonna be shitting bullets and bubblegum for the next week. And that's saying something considering I don't have an anus.
“Firsst off, before my Popss deccides to electrocute my as-ssertive sself: You guyss should definitely go buy ssome Brewnor Brand Bourbon. It'ss the choicce of Omniversse Network Newss sstar: Ron Burgundy. Remember, if it'ss good enough for Ron, it'ss too good for you.”
Ok. Their stares are starting to get REALLY uncomfortable. Acting like they've never had someone push a product in the middle of a fight before, or something. I continue, just so they don't decide to start attacking me again.
“Ssecondly: Hi. I'm Ccell. I don't think we've been properly introducced. And your are..?”
Ol' Blueberry Princess stomps her foot petulantly and glares at me. Adorable.
“You can call me Graowr, and I'm still upset with you over stealing from me! And being a big green evil bug man that eats people and their powers. Meanie!”
I sigh and put my hands up defensively. Not exactly sure WHERE she got her information from, but best to calm her down before the kid blows a gasket.
“Right right. My bad. Jusst got a little caught up in the game, you know? Anywho... pleassure to meet you, Graowr.”
I shift my gaze to Tuxedo Mask, who is a bit further away, and... well, if I had an eyebrow, I'd be raising it.
“Look, buddy,” the guy starts, flourishing his machine gun like anyone else would their hand while speaking, “As much as I'd LOVE to get in your little hippy, peace-time, let's-all-be-friends bullshit, Sterling Archer don't swing that way, comprende?”
“Oh. Well, nicce to meet you anyway, Misster Archer.”
I can visibly see the man's face drop when he realizes he actually gave me his real name. Shit is fucking priceless. Buuuut... now he looks a little pissed. I better hurry this up before his trigger finger gets itchy.
“Now that introductionss are out of the way-and no one introduces you to your perfect match like Oharmony, ssign up now for a free thirty day trial- We can get down to bussinesss.”
“Look. No one here wantss to hurt anyone elsse, right?”
Simultaneously they answer, “I do.” I ignore them
Sso, how about we ssettle thiss with a little game?”
Archer chuckles, “What kind of game? Because I sure as hell ain't playing strip poker with you. You're definitely not my type.”
He looks over at Blueberry and adds, “And I don't even know what the fuck YOU are. Though... I haven't slept with a blue woman before...”
“No no. It'ss more like... Three-Card Monty. Except... there'ss four of me.”
I kick my speed into overdrive as the words leave my beak. Instantaneously, there's four beautiful specimens of perfection in the ring, each lowered into a battle stance and ready to attack.
From my hiding place within an archway leading into the depths of the Colosseum, I chuckle softly and turn to walk further in.
“Ssuckerss.”
Quote:794 Words according to OpenOffice.
Archer finished using his MP 40 and has reloaded.
Cell used After Image to leave behind fakes while he “strategically withdraws” into the inside of the Colosseum.
![[Image: Jacksig.png]](http://www.cytokineindustries.com/chevereto/images/2018/04/13/Jacksig.png)