Zone D -- The Foam

[Handsome Jack]

I can't fucking believe it! HAHAHA! This is fucking golden. So, while I was walking along and laughing at some dude with Tourette's on Youtube, my pocket vibrated violently at me. Obviously, I was a bit shocked about it. If I had a bladder, I'd probably have pissed myself. Almost dropped my tablet, I was so surprised.

Anyway, I dig into my pocket to figure out what kinda critter mighta slunk its way in there when I wasn't paying attention and I find, not an animal, but a cellphone. I have no fucking clue where it came from, so swipe the screen and looky who it is! Ol' Average Joe himself. Or, Stephen Ludwig, as his contact information would tell me. Seemed he'd gotten a text from his Mammy asking why he hadn't called her yet.

Well, you know I ain't gonna pass up THIS golden opportunity to fuck with someone. I set to texting her, an amused grin on my beak.

'Hey Ma! Sorry about that! I was just fucking-'

As soon as I finish typing the word, an electric jolt staggers me and the screen gets a bit hazy from the electromagnetic interference. Oh... goddamnit. Can't even TEXT curse words, huh Pops? Dick move. I delete the previous word and continue my trolling.

'Hey Ma! Sorry about that! I was just making sweet, sensual love to my boyfriend Brian.'

Before I can hit send, a second shock reminds me that there's one last thing I need to do.

'Using Grimer-Brand butt lubrication. When something just HAS to be inserted into a rectum, you'd better reach for the Grimer's.'

Her return text asks me how Brian has been doing since the last family get together and my expression drops. Figures “Joe” swung that way. A bit surprising I got the name right though. Kinda ruins the fun of it when the troll blows up in your face though. For a second, I consider continuing the sham... but I REALLY don't want to hafta deal with throwing in product placements with every text. In the end, I just shut the thing off and put it away into my pack. Probably better that way.

Moving from D6 to D3