Let's Read Book Club # 6

[Isabelle]

Usual disclaimer about not being very good at this. Practice makes perfect I guess.

The Price of Freedom

Hmmm, doing a full review of this would be self-serving… or self-deprecating considering how I view my work. So maybe I’ll just say a few things.
Lopunny has been turning out to be a really fun character to play. I hope I get better at writing her (same goes with writing for Guu.) I hope I pulled off her more angsty moments without coming off too forced. The first post was really incredibly difficult to write. The composition was over the course of two days and I still don’t think I did it right. I guess it’s the whole social thing bringing me down because the second post went off quite well considering.
But still, I think it serves well enough for an introduction; timid, down on herself, pokemon in an unforgiving world. I’d say that was clear at least.

Fear No Evil

And Doomy makes his move!
First of all, I don’t see 1st person writing in the Omniverse very much. Not sure why, maybe everyone is following the trends, or maybe it’s a hassle to do when playing with others who are 3rd person. Still, going this route with doomy was a good idea considering his origin. I’m curious to see where you go with this story telling method!
Though, I’d advise to have more character moments. One of the benefits of writing in 1st person is you can have the character comment on the situation; give remarks that a 3rd person narrator couldn’t make. Go nuts with it, say a catchphrase when he blasts the Icon of Sin to smithereens, and put emphasis on these moments; make sure they aren’t buried in a paragraph and give them their own line. The part when Doomy flips the demon off is a good example of this. It’s kind of lost in the text, when I’m pretty sure someone telling his or her own life would punctuate this moment as much as possible. And don’t feel bad if it’s over the top, because there is very little subtle about Doom guy to begin with, and we have fun because of it.
The ending of Doom 2 is a fairly good place for Doom Guy to jump off of. Has a bit of finality to it. At least he wasn’t snatched before saving the world. That would have been heart breaking for poor Doomy.
The music is a nice touch, and I like that you’re taking the effort to add that nice bit of character. Glad you’re keeping up with that too!
Not much more I could think of to say, look forward to your future work!

Giant Country

A bit of a dense read; the kind that gives me troubles. Again, most likely my fault and not anyone else’s so I’ll try my best.
You do a really good job in setting the atmosphere. I could really visualize the snowy landscapes you were trying to detail, the dangers it possesses, and the overall loneliness you are trying to convey. Of course, it probably helps that my house is freezing at the moment, but you still deserve the credit for sparking the imagination. Also good use of montage; get a good sense how long this journey has been.
I like the suddenness of the boulders falling, kind of reminded me of the trope “Rocks fall, everyone dies.” Also like the urgency and uncertainty of the origin of the rocks. I thought it was a rockslide at first.
I had a lot of troubles following the fight, again, my fault, not yours. However, it seemed well choreographed. You put a lot of thought in your writing, and that’s certainly admirable.
While, this is not really a read for me, I could see that you’re really talented at this writing thing. Keep up the good work!