12-31-2014, 03:55 PM
First Book Club post so don't judge!
The Price of Freedom:
As a person who played his share of Pokemon, I found your take of the experience inside the Pokeball and the box very interesting. The setting you put inside the poke ball, the dreamlike state is very descriptive and brings me in to sympathize with the Lopunny. I found your underdog nature in the beginning battle with Gengar very appropriate, considering that she had been in the Pokeball for a month, and how it continued her confusion into the future meeting with Omni, revealing that she has no self-worth and really developed the character. I especially enjoyed the part where Gengar unexpectedly reappears and shows his Ghost-type nature, I really hope he continues to be a theme in your posts because I found the conflict very interesting and your writing just made me want Punny to just wail on Gengar.
I really enjoy reading your work because it made me sympathize with Punny and root for her as I would any other protagonist. The only criticism I would have is that at the very end when Medicham comes and saves her he tells her to wait two days you just right that she waited two days. I would have enjoyed something saying how what she was thinking and how she reacted to the last part because I genuinely want to know. I really look forward to read Pokemon Philosophy when I get the time.
Fear No Evil:
Knowing how most people on this site, me included, write in third person I was really curious when I noticed it was first person. But I think you pulled it off rather well, I laughed a little more to some of the jokes because I felt it had a little more personality and flair. The struggle DoomGuy has with his weapons…ugh I had to reread that several times and each time it made me laugh by the time I saw the last word…assclown. Just it was perfect, I'm sorry it just made me laugh and I was not expecting it.
I feel you utilize the first person to really get the feel of the character but I feel like his anger towards Omni is a little exaggerated. Maybe if you wrote how he missed home or he missed the green valleys or anything. I like the goal, I like the diction but maybe I would like if you wrote a bit more development of why he desperately wants to get home: He just fought off hell saving all of humanity and he misses his family or something.(I never played Doom so I wouldn't know)
Giant's Country:
Your diction is really good, this is the first time I have read any of your writing and I was thrust into his environment. Personally I have a really hard time creating an environment around my character's but I really felt like I knew where Chosen was. I liked how he enjoyed the large amounts of peace since he was thrust into the violence he was chosen to do. The sarcasm was enjoyable to read. I like how you say more descriptive sentences that a person could: instead of saying that the giant hit him and he flew, you add sensory and specific details that the undead knew that giant would crush your ribs so he raised his shield. I feel like you balanced how the Undead isn't an underdog constantly being beat down and how he isn't some sort of God roflstomping the giants. The conflict was suspenseful yet appropriate. Your writing feels realistic and its descriptions really add depth to the work.
The Price of Freedom:
As a person who played his share of Pokemon, I found your take of the experience inside the Pokeball and the box very interesting. The setting you put inside the poke ball, the dreamlike state is very descriptive and brings me in to sympathize with the Lopunny. I found your underdog nature in the beginning battle with Gengar very appropriate, considering that she had been in the Pokeball for a month, and how it continued her confusion into the future meeting with Omni, revealing that she has no self-worth and really developed the character. I especially enjoyed the part where Gengar unexpectedly reappears and shows his Ghost-type nature, I really hope he continues to be a theme in your posts because I found the conflict very interesting and your writing just made me want Punny to just wail on Gengar.
I really enjoy reading your work because it made me sympathize with Punny and root for her as I would any other protagonist. The only criticism I would have is that at the very end when Medicham comes and saves her he tells her to wait two days you just right that she waited two days. I would have enjoyed something saying how what she was thinking and how she reacted to the last part because I genuinely want to know. I really look forward to read Pokemon Philosophy when I get the time.
Fear No Evil:
Knowing how most people on this site, me included, write in third person I was really curious when I noticed it was first person. But I think you pulled it off rather well, I laughed a little more to some of the jokes because I felt it had a little more personality and flair. The struggle DoomGuy has with his weapons…ugh I had to reread that several times and each time it made me laugh by the time I saw the last word…assclown. Just it was perfect, I'm sorry it just made me laugh and I was not expecting it.
I feel you utilize the first person to really get the feel of the character but I feel like his anger towards Omni is a little exaggerated. Maybe if you wrote how he missed home or he missed the green valleys or anything. I like the goal, I like the diction but maybe I would like if you wrote a bit more development of why he desperately wants to get home: He just fought off hell saving all of humanity and he misses his family or something.(I never played Doom so I wouldn't know)
Giant's Country:
Your diction is really good, this is the first time I have read any of your writing and I was thrust into his environment. Personally I have a really hard time creating an environment around my character's but I really felt like I knew where Chosen was. I liked how he enjoyed the large amounts of peace since he was thrust into the violence he was chosen to do. The sarcasm was enjoyable to read. I like how you say more descriptive sentences that a person could: instead of saying that the giant hit him and he flew, you add sensory and specific details that the undead knew that giant would crush your ribs so he raised his shield. I feel like you balanced how the Undead isn't an underdog constantly being beat down and how he isn't some sort of God roflstomping the giants. The conflict was suspenseful yet appropriate. Your writing feels realistic and its descriptions really add depth to the work.
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