Let's Read: Book Club Vols #2, 4, 5, 7, 8

[Guu]

Sorry I'm not the best forum topic analyst, I hope these will do for all of you:

Vampire ridden:

Vergil: He was fun to follow. He's so arrogant in the way he orders around NPCs like he owns the place (which he totally wants to.) It's funny what he considers “playing by the rules.” Why do I get the feeling he'd be killing people left and right if he ruled the place? I also like how the NPCs don't seem to take any of his crap. No fear of primes whatsoever I see, just straight up “f you upstart.” That was a hoot! Your NPCs in general are pretty well written, especially since we don't spend too much time with them. Also, it's interesting he has a code of honor of some sorts. Kind of a duel-nature kind of thing.

Not too much about the story arc since it still seems fairly early on. Still not sure where you intend to go with the character, except the whole domination thing. You seem to play up his prejudice against humans a lot, I'm not sure if this entirely emphasis or if you plan to turn this into an arc; like if he was going to grow passed his hatred. I guess if he were to go that route, his new unwanted relationship with snow would probably be a catalyst.

I'm assuming the Spartan fighting the skelies was a reference to Atelos. If so, nice! I like when these post reference other posts and Primes, makes everything feel way more interconnected.

I had a hard time following the combat, but that's probably my problem. Overall, you paragraphs are short and concise and not that hard to read.

Snow: And showing up to crash the party is this guy. I have to say; the team up is a fairly good one. The two of you seem to go well together, making clean opposites. I also like how Vergil makes the connection between his brother and Snow.

His introduction makes me a laugh a bit. I know this is more a limitation of the forum-based format, but it kind of felt like he went from the entrance to the fight in a matter of seconds. That's hardly Snow's fault, it was much better if he got in the action quick, just thought it was funny.

Still, good way to introduce the character attacking a vampire with a motorcycle. Quite the entrance indeed!

Not sure why Snow didn't summon another motorcycle to catch up with Vergil after he left, though I could imagine Snow the type of character to forget he has that ability.

Oh yeah, for both Vergil and Snow, I did see a few typos here, but nothing too bad.

Well, not too much more to say. Good job guys!

Cinnabon Isle Arc:

Luffy and Buggy: Come on, admit it. You're both writers on the show. Only excuse I can think of on how you capture the characters and the overall feel so well. Just felt like I was reading a novelization of the show.

This topic, while a bit on the lengthy side, was quite a fun read! Luffy and Buggy getting into trouble. I liked how Luffy's first instinct was to get some meat.

The guy you ran into in the restaurant was fairly interesting. I get the feeling it won't be the last time we see him in this topic. In fact, all your NPCs were quite good. The dynamic between the ship captain and first mate was a hoot, and made for a good fight. I really liked how your portrayed Pokemon NPCs. Slowking was spot on! Also curious where the whole Nidoking storyline will go. Makes me consider making my second character a Pokemon… hmmmm…

My only complaints would be that I think Kilala kind of comes in out of nowhere. Seems to be there just to be an obligatory cute pet. Also, you use the “Meanwhile” transition a lot, which isn't really necessary. Not to mention, that one time you used it to transition from the restaurant to raiding the boat, kind of suggests that your character moved between the two locations instantaneously. Might want to be careful about that in the future.

Other than that, no problems here. You've captured the feel of the show quite well!

Jak Mar: Bit too early to pin down your writing style or how you'll play in the story overall, but not bad in characterizing Daxter. I hope you can join the adventure party soon!