06-22-2017, 11:20 PM
I've been in a "similar" position. I was heavily bullied in highschool because I was the biggest person there, including the teachers. This extended to weekly beatings (often two or three times) for people to feel better about themselves. Prison tactic; take down the biggest, baddest mother fucker... I had a lot of things going against me. Fat kid, socially awkward and weight training. The last one lead to people thinking I was tougher than I was, a few times "Retard strength" were actually tossed at me.
I had a black book full of ways to kill myself. Some were pretty elaborate with a lot of research put into them. Meanwhile, my family didn't know, because I put on a mask to hide my pain. It wasn't just angsty teen, I was often far too happy for my situation, and that hurt too. I often had the question "Why can't I really be this happy?"
It was honestly by coincidence that my parents sent me to a psychologist to be tested for IQ, ADD, OCD and a few other things. I was going for my Disability due to mental and physical issues. (IQ 125, with mild ADD.)
Psychologist noted by body language that I was very withdrawn for someone so "happy." She suggested I undergo a bimonthly session to see what's up.
Two months in, the hour long sessions actually started yielding result. I felt better, just because I got to talk about the bad shit. It wasn't all the bad shit either, mixed in she would ask me things like "What did I learn?" and "What would I tell someone else?" She turned the bad into a learning experience.
When I was dealing with some major shit, like being a "Fat, ugly mother fucker" she said "By who's standards?" When I answered, she said "Oh well. That's their problem."
Long story shortened, empathy is nice and all, but if there are people that drag you down... it might be time to learn apathy. No one else is worth your mental and emotional health, and ESPECIALLY not your physical health.
I find that a good way to deal with problems is treat them like they are something else. Math. Objects. Et cetera. Focus on one at a time, and if one seems to hard to solve, move on to the next. Better to have 9 out of 10 problems solved rather than focus on 1 and fail the test.
Also... home medication! Instead of drugs (these are depressants) try spending that hard earned money on things that you'd like to have. Like for me, dark chocolate. If I'm having a hard day, a few ounces of dark chocolate (or chocolate milk - I'm weak for it) really help remind me of things I'd miss if I lost the will to go on. Blender for smoothies instead of your next joint. Fruit and some chocolate freakin' syrup...
If you're not big on food, then go see that new movie and instead of sitting objectively in the back, get right up in front row. Overwhelm your senses with something good that gets you OUT OF THE HOUSE.
Yes, out of the house, out of your comfort zone, new things. Best way to get over the bad and solve the problem is to find new and happier solutions. Mine so happens to be chocolate ice cream and pumpkin spice coffee in a blender.
To sum up: Solve what you can, one at a time. Let everything else go. Find NEW things to help sooth the pain. Good things. Chocolate things. Remember YOU are the most important thing to you. Everything else comes second, so long as you have your chocolate.
Also, give the rest of the world the bird. Be less angry and more "Oh well." Apathy has its perks. Apathy doesn't burn out. If you can't fix it, then fuck it. Find a way to fuck the world without giving a fuck. Find a friend, share the zero fucks you give and accept zero fucks from them. Laugh as the fucks procreate and produce less than zero fucks, just to fuck math up for the sheer fuck of it.... (That's nine fucks right there. Ten if you count this one.)
I had a black book full of ways to kill myself. Some were pretty elaborate with a lot of research put into them. Meanwhile, my family didn't know, because I put on a mask to hide my pain. It wasn't just angsty teen, I was often far too happy for my situation, and that hurt too. I often had the question "Why can't I really be this happy?"
It was honestly by coincidence that my parents sent me to a psychologist to be tested for IQ, ADD, OCD and a few other things. I was going for my Disability due to mental and physical issues. (IQ 125, with mild ADD.)
Psychologist noted by body language that I was very withdrawn for someone so "happy." She suggested I undergo a bimonthly session to see what's up.
Two months in, the hour long sessions actually started yielding result. I felt better, just because I got to talk about the bad shit. It wasn't all the bad shit either, mixed in she would ask me things like "What did I learn?" and "What would I tell someone else?" She turned the bad into a learning experience.
When I was dealing with some major shit, like being a "Fat, ugly mother fucker" she said "By who's standards?" When I answered, she said "Oh well. That's their problem."
Long story shortened, empathy is nice and all, but if there are people that drag you down... it might be time to learn apathy. No one else is worth your mental and emotional health, and ESPECIALLY not your physical health.
I find that a good way to deal with problems is treat them like they are something else. Math. Objects. Et cetera. Focus on one at a time, and if one seems to hard to solve, move on to the next. Better to have 9 out of 10 problems solved rather than focus on 1 and fail the test.
Also... home medication! Instead of drugs (these are depressants) try spending that hard earned money on things that you'd like to have. Like for me, dark chocolate. If I'm having a hard day, a few ounces of dark chocolate (or chocolate milk - I'm weak for it) really help remind me of things I'd miss if I lost the will to go on. Blender for smoothies instead of your next joint. Fruit and some chocolate freakin' syrup...
If you're not big on food, then go see that new movie and instead of sitting objectively in the back, get right up in front row. Overwhelm your senses with something good that gets you OUT OF THE HOUSE.
Yes, out of the house, out of your comfort zone, new things. Best way to get over the bad and solve the problem is to find new and happier solutions. Mine so happens to be chocolate ice cream and pumpkin spice coffee in a blender.
To sum up: Solve what you can, one at a time. Let everything else go. Find NEW things to help sooth the pain. Good things. Chocolate things. Remember YOU are the most important thing to you. Everything else comes second, so long as you have your chocolate.
Also, give the rest of the world the bird. Be less angry and more "Oh well." Apathy has its perks. Apathy doesn't burn out. If you can't fix it, then fuck it. Find a way to fuck the world without giving a fuck. Find a friend, share the zero fucks you give and accept zero fucks from them. Laugh as the fucks procreate and produce less than zero fucks, just to fuck math up for the sheer fuck of it.... (That's nine fucks right there. Ten if you count this one.)