05-17-2017, 09:32 PM
I quite like this thread. So, as it starts out, we have the perspective of the Robot Masters. This is a good move, I feel, as it doesn't immediately put you in the shoes of the protagonist of the thread, and while one may say that it starts out confusing without reading previous threads, I feel it works without. The details in the characters mannerisms, like Bubble Man stuttering and looking to the ground, work well to give an idea on who the characters are, even without any sort of background. Referring to Proto Man as "The Prodigal" is a bit confusing initially, but it's easy to quickly catch on. The fact that you include that there is a Prime there is nice, foreshadowing that there is going to be another Prime in the thread, and lends to rereading, as you know what it meant from the beginning. Moving on, it goes to Proto Man approaching the gate. The slight bit of backstory is a nice touch, as is the bit of dialogue Proto Man has. The way there is added bits of lore, showing that Proto Man is an android is neat, as usually a character being an android would be disregarded in all realms except for abilities. I like how the clothing is described well enough to get a good idea of what Proto Man looks like in the thread but not so detailed that it takes away from the narrative. The way the character's thoughts are described without their specific internal dialogue ("The Ashen Plains was an abysmal place") allows for a good idea of what a character is feeling without actually giving a voice in their head. The way Heat Man's activities are described is a good touch, letting the reader know what other characters are doing makes it much more dynamic and interesting to read. The conversation between Proto Man and Heat Man has good subtle aggression between the characters, and the references to other threads are nice, and while a reader may not know what is being talked about, the thread doesn't rely on it too much. And the shades of grey within the morality is good, how Heat Man and Proto Man are both, in a way, in the right allows the reader to make their own decision on who is right. Meanwhile, the increasing amounts of lava bubbling from the volcano provide not just a break from the conversation, but also a nice reminder that the volcano is going to erupt. The added dilemma of whether the Robot Masters have free will like Proto Man does adds to the grey morality and is a good touch. The way Cell Delta, when he comes in, talks makes him intimidating yet mysterious, and not letting you know fully who he is adds to how frightening he is; fear comes from the unknown. I'd also like to point out that the technique names and use of alliteration in names is very nice, making it seem somewhat silly and childlike, yet not enough to take away from the seriousness of the situation. The way Proto Man postulates his theory that is very close to what we know about the Omniverse is a good touch, although I dislike the way he makes assumptions that turn out to be true (Omni has a physical form) seems a bit too convenient. Cell Delta's dialogue, in this scene, at least, is good, but I feel is too over the top, and he seems like a bit too much of a mustache-twirling villain. I quite like the way Proto Man actually has a plan, but it is foiled by Heat Man's injury. Most people, it seems, wouldn't have their character make plans like that, even if the character is meant to be logical. The way that, instead of precise measurements, approximations are used ("Leaving a baseball-sized hole") makes it easier to understand the size. The internal conflict portrayed within Proto Man on leaving or staying is good, and has quite the impact as he's a robot, with literal programming telling him to run. The way Cell Delta speaks ("'The last person to do that was a bipedal turtle'") gives a hint that he has far more backstory than we know, and is nice. As the thread goes on, it becomes more apparent that Cell Delta is insane, literally, which is nice, explaining his behavior. The way Heat Man goes virtually unmentioned until he finally fights back makes it even more satisfying when he does come back and help Proto Man to win the battle. At the end, the somewhat fantastical indication of Proto Man getting his new power adds to the thread, contrasting with the mostly serious tone of the thread. This thread is great, if I had to give it a rating I'd give it a 7.8/10, and definitely think it deserves an Exemplary bonus.