06-10-2017, 03:32 PM
Strazio Rockwell (Isaac):
Post 1: So, for an intro post, there are two things I am looking for: First, do I get a sense of the character? Second, do I want to read more? I give this one a definite yes on both accounts. There were some grammatical errors but not enough to mess with understanding what was going on.
Post 2: First, the giant bold letters. I know some people didn’t like them. I do. Gun shots at point blank range when you aren’t expecting them are loud and jarring. I really felt those shots. The drinking thwumps worked for me too. It really set the pace of the scene. Also, I think you did a good job writing for the other character in the scene, which a lot of people can’t/won’t do. The post developed the characters well and was kept interesting by the snappy dialogue.
Post 3: Again, I like the snappy back and forth. There are kind of a lot of grammar mistakes that would be caught with a proofread or even by word, but they were so many that I couldn’t follow things.
Post 4: I really liked that Stazio suffered the consequences of his decisions. It isn’t a sacrifice or hard choice to let people live if you never have to pay for it. It also shows that Christa isn’t evil, she is just doing what she feels she must to survive.
Post 5: I felt the dream sequence was cut perfectly as far as when to start and end it. Beginning and ending a scene in the right place is something I have really been trying to work on, so I really appreciated that.
Post 6: I have a hard time putting my finger on why this isn’t my favorite post. I think maybe it felt like an anti-climax.
Final Conclusion: Overall, I really liked it. I really enjoyed the dialogue and character development. The weakest point would be grammar. The action writing could be improved a little, but that is far from me saying it was subpar.
Great!
Girldarts (Christa):
Post 1: So, same thing here as with Strazio. I easily got a sense of Christa, and it was a fun and exciting post. On top of that, did he build on the previous post? Yes, he did. Like Stazio, some grammar errors but not enough to make things hard to understand.
Post 2: More good character development. I really got a sense of how guarded and suspicious she was despite her devil-may-care demeaner. My one complaint was that the already slow scene was further slowed down by the inclusion of a lot of detail about what was happening. It wasn’t bad detail. I just felt that there was a little too much, and it distracted from the action of the scene.
Post 3: I really like your action scenes. If you have a little too much detail about what’s going on during dialogue, that tendency pays off during fights. I found it pretty easy to follow what was going on without losing the sense of chaos that a bar brawl has. I also like how the fight was an extension of their argument without only being that.
Post 4: Ok, I am going to be nitpicky here because overall it was another good post. That being said, it felt a little funny to go from the sense of urgency the wound created to the description of the room. I think a more natural flow would have been to deal with the injury first, and then when things slow down, have Isaac visually explore the room. Then again, that could just be personal preference.
Post 5: A little slow to start, but once the action got going, a really good scene. Also, a good interdiction to Damien.
Final Conclusion: Very strong action writing and interesting character. If anything needs improvement, it would be dialogue and scene pacing.
Great!
Post 1: So, for an intro post, there are two things I am looking for: First, do I get a sense of the character? Second, do I want to read more? I give this one a definite yes on both accounts. There were some grammatical errors but not enough to mess with understanding what was going on.
Post 2: First, the giant bold letters. I know some people didn’t like them. I do. Gun shots at point blank range when you aren’t expecting them are loud and jarring. I really felt those shots. The drinking thwumps worked for me too. It really set the pace of the scene. Also, I think you did a good job writing for the other character in the scene, which a lot of people can’t/won’t do. The post developed the characters well and was kept interesting by the snappy dialogue.
Post 3: Again, I like the snappy back and forth. There are kind of a lot of grammar mistakes that would be caught with a proofread or even by word, but they were so many that I couldn’t follow things.
Post 4: I really liked that Stazio suffered the consequences of his decisions. It isn’t a sacrifice or hard choice to let people live if you never have to pay for it. It also shows that Christa isn’t evil, she is just doing what she feels she must to survive.
Post 5: I felt the dream sequence was cut perfectly as far as when to start and end it. Beginning and ending a scene in the right place is something I have really been trying to work on, so I really appreciated that.
Post 6: I have a hard time putting my finger on why this isn’t my favorite post. I think maybe it felt like an anti-climax.
Final Conclusion: Overall, I really liked it. I really enjoyed the dialogue and character development. The weakest point would be grammar. The action writing could be improved a little, but that is far from me saying it was subpar.
Great!
Girldarts (Christa):
Post 1: So, same thing here as with Strazio. I easily got a sense of Christa, and it was a fun and exciting post. On top of that, did he build on the previous post? Yes, he did. Like Stazio, some grammar errors but not enough to make things hard to understand.
Post 2: More good character development. I really got a sense of how guarded and suspicious she was despite her devil-may-care demeaner. My one complaint was that the already slow scene was further slowed down by the inclusion of a lot of detail about what was happening. It wasn’t bad detail. I just felt that there was a little too much, and it distracted from the action of the scene.
Post 3: I really like your action scenes. If you have a little too much detail about what’s going on during dialogue, that tendency pays off during fights. I found it pretty easy to follow what was going on without losing the sense of chaos that a bar brawl has. I also like how the fight was an extension of their argument without only being that.
Post 4: Ok, I am going to be nitpicky here because overall it was another good post. That being said, it felt a little funny to go from the sense of urgency the wound created to the description of the room. I think a more natural flow would have been to deal with the injury first, and then when things slow down, have Isaac visually explore the room. Then again, that could just be personal preference.
Post 5: A little slow to start, but once the action got going, a really good scene. Also, a good interdiction to Damien.
Final Conclusion: Very strong action writing and interesting character. If anything needs improvement, it would be dialogue and scene pacing.
Great!