04-30-2017, 05:00 PM
Quote:Channel 7,899,087 - The Cautionary Channel - Hidden Enemies (Episode 8,892): The Cornish Game Hen - intro segment. Narration in Bold Italics
Fade in on a Cornish Game Hen, standing in the grass. It looks like a regular chicken, only smaller, cleaner and less threatening. The narration begins, conspiratorially suggestive, as the hen scratches and pecks at the ground.
The Cornish Game Hen: Nature's perfect murderer. But unlike the siberian tiger or the three-toed sloth, this remorseless killer is no simple hunter. It eliminates its enemies not by sudden, violent ambush, but through intricately plotted schemes -and carefully staged assassination.
Freeze frame. Zoom in on the game-hen as the picture slowly turns red and minor-key violin music begins.
Tonight on Hidden Enemies, we take you into the Cornish Game Hen's secret world.
The picture cuts to a bald, sun-tanned man in overalls standing in a field. Game hens mill about his feet. A disembodied voice asks - "So you what can you tell us about the Game-hen's methods?"
The man chews his lower lip for a moment, then frowns. "I'm... not sure I understand the question."
The camera zooms in on the hens. The violin music reaches a brief crescendo.
Cut to a skinny middle-aged woman in a sweater that's slightly too big for her and unfortunate sweat-pants, sitting on a bench in the park. The disembodied questioner addresses her.
"So what makes you so sure that a game-hen killed your son?"
The woman shrugs, and stares at the camera with a kind of wild-eyed wonder at the question. "Well, I got it on video, didn't I?"
Cut to a video of a man in an expensive red sports-car getting t-boned by a semi-truck at a darkened, tree-lined intersection. Both burst into flames. A small flapping shape hops out of the broken door of the truck. Freeze frame. The image zooms in and the violins screech. It's definitely a bird - and a bird flapping around in the cab would go a long way towards explaining an out-of-control semi...
"Where do you think it learned to drive?"
The woman shakes her head, still looking bewildered.
"Them game-hens is capable of anything."
And guide you through the century-long history of their blood-drenched crusade.
Cut to a montage of historical photographs and videos from many different continuums. The JFK assassination. The Hindenburg disaster. The siege of Gondor. The destruction of the original star-ship Enterprise. Luke Skywalker falling from Cloud City. Godzilla crashing through the Japanese Diet building. Each clip has a red circle somewhere in the frame, highlighting a tiny moving shape which is, in every case, too small and blurry to identify. We are clearly intended to believe that these are Cornish Game Hens.
You'll learn how to protect yourself
Cut back to that guy in the field, with the hens. The music picks up, taking on a galloping, kinetic quality.
"So how does one kill a Cornish Game-Hen?"
The man looks at his hens, who are clucking, and pecking, and doing hen things, then looks back at the camera, grimaces and raises his hands palm upwards in a 'come on, really?' gesture. "They're chickens. Are you seriously asking?"
"Dead serious. People must be warned."
And why you should be afraid!
Cut to a respectable-looking older gentleman, sitting in a library. He's clearly agitated and speaking earnestly as the background music reaches its final peak. "I can prove that Aragorn is a Cornish Game-Hen!"
Cut to black. The Music stops.
So stay tuned - or the next victim .... could be you.