Depression [Mature]

[Violet]

Doc's got me on Fluoxetine, I was on sertraline. Honestly, I don't really feel too much different, but there are some days when I forget to take a dose and I can definitely tell there's something "off", like, my patience is a lot thinner than when I am taking it, and just generally feeling a sense of down-ness. Don't know how else to explain it. I think not having a job and the shit with my mom had really wrecked me somewhere inside, which is why I wrote so damned much, it was a great escape from reality for a while. I am still unsure of how to cope with shit, and being around people has increasingly become very frightening to me. It's gotten dark though. I've thought of suicide several times over the years, but I just can't go through with it regardless of how hard it gets. The thought of offing myself is just...I don't know. At times, I feel the world wouldn't miss me, that it would be better off without me, that I'm just some blip that no one would really notice gone, and other times, just the idea of the pain and suffering if something went wrong and I survived it keeps it at bay. Luckily, it doesn't pop up very often, but it's a real beast to tackle when it does.