04-23-2017, 04:48 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-23-2017, 04:51 PM by Kelly MacAryn.
Edit Reason: The formatting got borked. Just because its silly doesn't mean it shouldn't be readable.
)
Quote:Channel 12,489,734,389,734,343,978,394,973,943 - The Blue Collar Crime Channel - Commercial Break. Quiet end-of-ad rapid-speak disclaimer in italics.
A serious-looking, middle-aged man with crew-cut iron-gray hair is standing in front of a burgundy office wall. His hands are clasped in front of him. He has the sort physique that leads men of his vintage to brag that they 'played some ball in college', and his navy-blue, three-piece suit is so crisply ironed that one almost worries going to cut himself on the pleats in his trousers. Hanging from the wall on his right is a law degree in a bronze frame. Below it on the floor is a potted plant which is clearly made of plastic. Obviously this is a very sober professional, with a sober, professional message for the viewer.
"Are you a Prime?" he asks, inclining his head and furrowing his brow just enough to show that he is clearly concerned about every member of his audience. "Are you experiencing difficulties of a legal nature in Camelot or the Pale Moors? Are you being hunted by Gorons? Has the Empire levied a bounty on your head? Through no fault of your own are you being held responsible for grand theft, property damage, or massive loss of life?"
The man walks to the left side of the screen, and the camera pans to follow him as he sits down on the corner of a desk, surrounded by book-shelves full of imposing legal texts, with yet more diplomas on the walls. "Then the lawyers of Johnson, Mason & Wamuu are on your side. Hi. I'm Thomas Mason, one the senior partners at Johnson, Mason & Wamuu. Our team of legal experts knows that Law and Order in the Omniverse can be complicated, and that culpability isn't always as clear as it may seem. So if you're in need of representation for a trial by jury,"
The image cuts to Mr. Mason looking very convincing in a courtroom.
"Trial by Combat,"
The picture cuts to a towering adonis of a man with an impossibly perfect body-builder's physique. He's dressed in an azure and gold knee-length skirt, of the sort worn by Egyptian pharaohs, as no tailored suit could possibly contain such muscular perfection - though he has made a concession to his lawyerly profession by donning a pair of tiny spectacles and a somber red tie. His long blond hair is standing straight up in a ragged flat-top, and he has a square tribal tattoo in the middle of his face. One heavy golden ring hangs from each ear, as big around as a normal man's fist. He is striking a bodybuilder's pose over the shattered form of a knight in armor.
"Or mediation with the Imperial authorities,"
Cut to an image of a skinny, bald man with gray skin, and red compound eyes. His suit is so black that the cut is hard to make out, his shirt is blindingly white, and his tie is the color of iron-rich human blood. We find him in animated discussion with a stormtrooper in black armor wearing a red cape and sash. The picture is strangely off-center, however. To a person with a discerning eye something has clearly been cropped out of the frame.
"Or any other sort of legal dispute, then we want to help you."
The image cuts back to the room with the desk. In addition to Mason sitting on the corner, the gray-skinned man with the compound eyes is now sitting behind the desk with his long, thin fingers steepled beneath his chin, and the barbarian is standing beside them with his steel-cable arms crossed over his V-8 engine-block of a chest.
A dataverse address - JohnsonMasonWamuu@TheRealLawyers.Dataverse.Net - scrolls across the bottom of the screen in white sans-serrif letters, followed by a phone-number.
All three men speak in chorus. "So Call Johnson, Mason & Wamuu. Prime Lawyers, for Prime Problems!"
Johnson, Mason & Wamuu are not licensed to practice in the Frozen Fields, the Tangled Green or Costa del Sol. Only Wamuu is licensed in the Endless Dunes and the Ashen Steppes. Standard fees apply.