Two Idiots and a Deathwish

[Kuzuru]

“Samintha Graves age fourteen, scoundrel, three-hundred and fifty units of omnilium for capture, one-hundred if dead, seventy-some counts of armed robbery, thirty-two counts of evading arrest, seven counts of arson, suspect in at least two homicides, often accompanied by her older brother Parker Graves age seventeen and younger brother Maxx Graves age eleven, each of whom have bounties on their heads, sounds like thievery runs in the family Charles,” Mallory said as he read the Empire’s bounty board with his phone in one hand and the links of Samintha’s manacles in the other.

Charlie growled and pawed at his stinging eyeballs. After a few more minutes of painful fumbling he wiped away the tears and blinked a few times and turned to face the pink-haired menace. He raised his pistol off to the side and made a great show of cocking the oversized hammer. It was the kind of pistol that looked like the offspring of a Desert Eagle and a cannon, mean, massive, and heavy. His chest puffed out and his posture swelled out to cover the entire alleyway. Smoke billowed from his nostrils and his eyes shot daggers. His voice, the low rumble of a soot-spewing diesel engine.

“Thievery isn’t the only thing that’s about to run in the family,” he spoke, taking slow steps towards the vagrant, “now where’d your little misbegotten family run off to girlie?”

Samintha spit back, “y’know you don’t have to cock that thing, it does it for you, all you’re doing is making yourself look like a jackass.”

Charles reached into his trench coat and retrieved a full magazine. He removed a single round and put the magazine back into its home. Holding the round between his thumb and pointer finger he held it up to Pink-hair’s face.

“Now I don’t appreciate the sass, you’re little brother pissed me off something fierce and you’re starting to do the same, you see this don’tcha?” Charlie said.

Samintha turned her head and pulled against her bindings. Charles holstered his pistol and grabbed her face forcing her to keep eye contact. His fingers dug into her cheeks and with his free hand he pressed the cartridge against her forehead, pushing the tip of the bullet against her skin.

“You know what this little guy does right?” Charlie asked, and before she gave him an answer he continued, “this’ll punch a hole in you the size of a grapefruit and the resulting shockwave will turn whatever organs that didn’t get blown out of you into a fine jelly, you’ve stolen from the wrong muchacho girlie and I’ve got no qualms with taking you in dead just to spite your brothers so you better start fucking talking.”

“I’d listen to him, I’m really not in the market for killing kids, but my friend here isn’t as morally sound as I am,” Mallory added, nudging his captive.

“Fine,” she responded, “I’ll take you there, but you have to promise to let us go if we give you the money.”

“I suppose we could make that arrangement,” Charlie lied.