Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

[PepsiWhirda]

This one is a whopper, I hope whoever reads it enjoys my big comeback!

http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=10095

Quest or Personal Storyline? Personal storyline.
Participating characters (please list): Whirda, Tia Dalma [NPC], Captain Deudermont [Secondary], Blackbeard [Secondary]
Total character count including spaces: 88,005
Total word count: 14,926

Reading the first post, I can tell this thread is going to be written exceptionally well. You really have a way with words, and remind me of some of the best writers in the OV like Sage or Okor. It's less about a large vocabulary, it's more about how natural the writing comes out. You don't waste words, every single one has a purpose and a place. You are also very smooth with your exposition, which is often hard.

Reading the second post, I fall in love with Tia (and Jack). An instantly captivating character made so readable by your style. Even with your somewhat flowery descriptions, there is nothing chorelike about reading this thread, and it moves at an incredible pace. You use the exact right amount of tension-building towards the end as well. I also love Tia's dialouge, and want to hear her say 'de powah off deh bleck penter aus been sddddddripped awahy'.

On the third post, my first thought is that it was a great perspective shift. My next thought is 'how is it still this high-quality?'. Ay, Jack gets in the mix! Checkov's monkey right there!

Post four, I'm going to stop talking about the writing quality, which is stallar, by the way. The line about never seeing this much water before in the OV is a great way to explain it's whirda's first time in the vasty deeps. Again, great at making exposition interesting. And hey, DA lead in? Classy.

Post's five and six are an excellent random encounter, and build the VERY believable relationship between Whirda and Tia. Again what sticks out is how natural everything is, how well everything flows, even the combat and the transformation.

Post seven again is so natural. Seeing Luskan's sails on the horizon, Tia and Whirda's conversation, nothing is forced, everything as it should be.

Post eight we have a perfect introduction of an old friend in the Omniverse.

In post nine and ten, we get some self-reflection from Whirda, dealing with her sickness. It does not seem like you are juggling plotlines, or neglecting plotlines, but rather that the two plots are converging. And congrats on making boat travel less boring, that's hard imo. It's brave as well to take whirda out of the fight, and interesting to readers to see how the crew will do without her.

In post eleven we have an awesome pirate battle, and the hero of the story, Jack, gets another line!

In post twelve, surrounded by the action and chaos outside, Whirda focuses where the reader should be focused, on her inner turmoil and the REAL danger, Ahn'Thrix.

In post thirteen and fourteen we see a very cool Blackbeard, and Tia gets to show off a bit more. Again, all very likeable characters. We also see Deudermont and Tia working together in a classic DnD fashion, which is always cool.

Post 15 is intense. Just SO well done, with a George R.R. Martin style of 'I don't care if it hurts your feelings this is the plot so deal with it'. Got a little shiver at 'I can't steer this ship alone'.

The conclusion post is perfect, short and sweet,  and spooky.


SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

How do I rank this story?

Clearly it qualifies as GREAT, but I'm sure the same could be said of any of you threads. The real question is does it count as EXEMPLARY.

I would think based on writing quality, it would qualify, but there is also the 'plot' requirement to consider. I think this thread is very important to Whirda's plot, probably vital. It is when she turns, it is when she realizes her antagonist is alive.

However, it is at it's heart an exposition thread. It also lacks a certain sense of epicness I'd like to see in an EXEMPLARY thread. It is not an epic conclusion to a long tale, but rather an important twist and maybe even a kind of new beginning. And while the death of Tia may be a mental scar on Whirda, at five levels deep I don't know how attached I am to Tia after just one thread.

I would grade this story GREAT.

I think I would reserve the EXEMPLARY bonus for you during a thread that is more epic, with more juicy satisfying conclusions, although your writing quality is at a steady EXEMPLARY level anyways.

Hey Luci,

Thanks so much for reading!  I agree with everything you said - especially that writing quality alone shouldn't be able to carry a story  to Exemplary status.  In the end, I had to make the choice between a more involved story where I could flesh out Tia and Deudermont more and answer some of Whirda's questions, or being able to join Dante's Abyss.  In the end, obviously I chose the latter.  I agree some of the build-up was defused by the rushed pace, but I'm glad you enjoyed!  After DA I'll earn that Exemplary.

Edit: The good news is Tia Dalma is a Prime, so there may be more to see of her yet!