04-02-2017, 01:38 AM
How do you guys deal with depression and suicidal thoughts? I've been getting those a lot lately. Broke up with my girlfriend in January, which had been the one thing keeping my life together and happy. Since then I've been smoking weed pretty much nonstop because it shuts my brain up, keeps me happy and staves off the suicidal thoughts. If I stop, I start falling again. My ex cut me off despite me having done nothing wrong and that made me get even worse. Trying to get back in contact with her made things worse still. She hospitalized herself, I don't know how, but after that I've not tried to get in contact. It's been a few weeks since then and I have run out of weed.
I'm on 40mg citalopram (the max dose) and I've been trying to keep myself busy with videogames. But it's like the joy from everything is diminished. Nothing gets me excited it's just ... busywork. Last year I had to move out with really little notice and now I'm sorta trapped out in the boonies, no friends here except for a possibly-insane housemate who had until recently been providing me with the weed.
Now I'm sober again and it's back to waking up crying, dreams filled with the things I'm trying to forget about. I've considered going on the dark web and getting either more weed or a cyanide pill for a more permanent solution. I have tried cutting, suffocation, and in the times I'm lying in bed trying to sleep, my brain likes to go through every other possible way I could pull it off. I've avoided posting things like this on the Omniverse before, limiting them to the staff room. My position makes me feel like I have a responsibility that includes not sharing things like this. But I'm having a difficult time and any help/advice would be appreciated. Please keep it mature and respectful, thank you, and if you'd like to share troubles of your own then this a place you can do so.
My dad died of cancer at the end of 2015 and while it didn't affect me the way it affected my sister and brother, at least not at first, it lead to an argument with my brother who's not spoken to me since. My brother and father tend to visit me in my dreams a lot, as well as my ex. I just spend a lot of time wondering if I did the right thing. I know that I did, but that doesn't stop me from going over and over it.
I'm on 40mg citalopram (the max dose) and I've been trying to keep myself busy with videogames. But it's like the joy from everything is diminished. Nothing gets me excited it's just ... busywork. Last year I had to move out with really little notice and now I'm sorta trapped out in the boonies, no friends here except for a possibly-insane housemate who had until recently been providing me with the weed.
Now I'm sober again and it's back to waking up crying, dreams filled with the things I'm trying to forget about. I've considered going on the dark web and getting either more weed or a cyanide pill for a more permanent solution. I have tried cutting, suffocation, and in the times I'm lying in bed trying to sleep, my brain likes to go through every other possible way I could pull it off. I've avoided posting things like this on the Omniverse before, limiting them to the staff room. My position makes me feel like I have a responsibility that includes not sharing things like this. But I'm having a difficult time and any help/advice would be appreciated. Please keep it mature and respectful, thank you, and if you'd like to share troubles of your own then this a place you can do so.
My dad died of cancer at the end of 2015 and while it didn't affect me the way it affected my sister and brother, at least not at first, it lead to an argument with my brother who's not spoken to me since. My brother and father tend to visit me in my dreams a lot, as well as my ex. I just spend a lot of time wondering if I did the right thing. I know that I did, but that doesn't stop me from going over and over it.
Curious about me and the characters I play? See the 'Staff' page! See also the rosters for my characters Samus Aran or Enel if you'd like to see examples of well-formatted rosters. Hope you enjoy the Omniverse!