02-22-2017, 02:10 PM
Quote:Channel 199,999,991 - The Medical Drama Channel - Doctor Ghidorah, MD. Subtitles in BOLD
Fade in. A muppet of King Ghidorah - the monster version, with three heads and golden wings - is sitting at a mahogany desk. He wears a tweed vest and tie, with his wings protruding from the armholes (this despite the fact that each wing is larger than the entire vest once you get past the shoulder-joint). The desk has an ink-blotter, and a fountain pen in an ink-well on one side, as well as an old-fashioned rotary-phone. Behind him is a book-case full of impressive-looking medical texts. There are framed diplomas on one wall, though the print is too small to read on this screen. There's a pair of comfortable-looking chairs as well. Natural light illuminates the scene, as though from a picture-window.
His middle head is wearing reading glasses. There's a book open on the desk. The middle head roars.
CONFOUND IT ALL! WHOEVER WROTE THIS MANUAL IS AN ILLITERATE MORON!
The left head cackles
HEY! I WROTE THAT!
The middle head hisses.
NO YOU DIDN'T, YOU CLOD. THIS IS THE IMPERIAL DSM!
The right head growls disappointedly.
BUT IT WOULD EXPLAIN A LOT, THOUGH. I SAY WE STICK TO WHAT I LEARNED IN MEDICAL SCHOOL.
The other two heads very purposefully don't look at each other. The the right head stares at the camera. Cue laugh track, followed by a moment of awkward silence.
It's broken by a knock on the door. All three heads chortle.
COME IN!
A man walks into the frame. He's young, black, and handsome, wearing surgeon's scrubs. He mugs for the camera. The studio-audience whistles and cheers.
"Doctor," the new arrival says. "I need to consult with you about a patient of mine."
The middle head squeals.
YES, DOCTOR ALLEN. WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?
Doctor Allen pulls up a chair and sits down at the desk across from Ghidorah. He gestures with his hands as he talks. "The man's in a coma. He's got the most remarkable series of burns I've ever seen, as well as severe blunt trauma. The injuries overlap each other, almost like he was scorched and bludgeoned at the same time - and to top it all off, they form this weird, branching fractal pattern, almost like electrocution!"
All three heads look at the camera. The audience 'OOOOOoooooo's.
Doctor Allen shifts in his chair. "As the Omniverse's foremost expert on exotic injuries, and because your office is only right down the hall from mine" - pause for laugh-track - "I thought it made sense to come to you."
The right head chortles twice, then roars.
WELL DOCTOR. WITHOUT HAVING CONDUCTED A THOROUGH EXAMINATION, I CAN'T SAY FOR CERTAIN, BUT IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THIS MAN WAS A VICTIM OF A TRAGIC HANGLIDING ACCIDENT. HE DOUBTLESS FLEW INTO A SCHOOL OF RARE, ELECTRO-BLUDGEONING AIR-SQUID.
The left head chortles. No subtitles, he's just laughing. Doctor Allen doesn't seem to notice, stroking his chin and looking thoughtful. "Hm. I don't think so. They only swarm in breeding season, and that's not for another couple of months, but it's a possibility. Will you come examine the patient?"
All three heads roar.
CERTAINLY!
Just as Ghidorah is getting up, the phone rings. Ghidorah tries to pick it up with his wing, then his mouth, but it just isn't working. Eventually, clearly embarrassed for his colleague, Doctor Allen gets it for him, and holds it up to his middle head.
The middle head roars.
HELLO?
"Doctor Ghidorah? It's your lawyer."
Ghidorah sqeals.
DAVE? WHAT'S HAPPENING, OLD BOY? HOW'S THE LIVER?
"It's fine G. But... listen. You're wife's suing you. She says she wants to re-draw the pre-nup. "
All three heads' eyes bug out. The scene cuts to THIS for the rest of the time-slot, only Ghidorah is still wearing his glasses, vest and tie.