Skeletor vs Ash Williams/Kelly MacAryn OOC thread (Assault on Darkshire)

[Ezrihel]

Round Two Results

[spoiler]

Advice to Ash: You suffered this round mainly because of several broken sentences and strange flow. I understand what you're trying to say, however you should work on your flow. At times it looks like you looked up a mundane word then replaced it with a synonym. While it's always good to vary your vocabulary, you should make sure that the words you use fit the context of your sentences. Always make certain that you read the definitions of the words you use so that you can avoid changing the entire flow and sound of your work. If you are unsure of how to adjust your flow, or if you don't know how to tell if your flow is ...  flowy, just read your writing out loud and see if that helps out any.

I've also noted that quite a few of your statements could be broken up into smaller sentences. While run-ons are excusable in dialog, it drastically stalls the pace of your post and can deeply hurt your score in a quick paced fight for that exact reason. If your statement contains two or more independent clauses use a full stop instead of a comma to break them up. If two independent clauses are related, you may instead use a semicolon(link) to separate them.

Also in paragraph three, sentence five, you stopped mid-sentence. Try to look back over your work so you can avoid something like that happening again.

Advice to Kelly and Sage: You're both great writers, and as you both know I greatly enjoy your work, however you could do to work on your scale a good bit more. Right now, it doesn't feel like a grueling fight to the death, it doesn't feel epic and like the defense of Darkshire may very well be riding on this battle. While I'm starting to get the feeling of "oh shit this is harder than I thought it would be" from Skeletor, so far neither of you have really represented the gravity of this fight. Without the intro post, I wouldn't know that a war was really raging above ground. Try to describe the sounds and feeling of things more as well, as it will go a long way to helping out all of your scores.

Aside from those things, great job so far guys! This is a really awesome fight!
[/spoiler]