Cold is the Void

[Amaterasu]

If there was one thing that the dwarves had done amazing, it was the baths. Deep under the surface, in a natural side-cavern of Dwarfholm, a spring of hot water had been discovered and the dwarves had turned it into a bath. The hot steam felt refreshing like a youth spring, and Amaterasu could almost smell the rich minerals in the water.

With a towel wrapped around her chest and another around her hair, Amaterasu stepped into the cave, closely followed by Fiara who was in the same attire. Their feet made wet sounds on the ground as they traversed the area and headed for one of the shallow pools, but neither spoke a word until they sat on the side and began cleaning themselves - Fiara from the hardships of the trip to Dwarfholm, Amaterasu from the sweat and dirt resulting from the Nokzam. Finally though, Fiara spoke over the rhythmic sounds of brushes and sponges on their skin.

"I heard of the supposed rip in the world, you know."

"Really? I thought that you'd only arrived a few hours ago."

"Most of the dwarves know about it. I heard of it pretty soon after arriving, when I was asking my way through to that arena."

"Right... well yes, I'm going to hire a few dwarves to form an expedition force. I need to get to the mountains somehow." She shrugged as she switched arms and dipped her feet into the hot water. The brush had left her skin a little red, but clean.

"I'm not asking about that", Fiara replied impatiently.

"No, you're not... and I can tell you from what I heard and saw that this rip in the world may be very real. The dwarves are reluctant to admit it in public for fear of being labeled as insane by their peers, but they have seen something that could be described only as a rip; a tear in the barrier that forms a bubble around this world.”

“And you plan on finding out if it’s real, by going up there. Why? To prove a single dwarf was right?”

“Fiara… tell me, where do we come from?”

“What? Why do you ask?”

“Just answer the question, please.”

“We’re from Nippon, of course!”

“I mean before that.”

“We descended from Heaven with the Ark of Yamato…”

“Yes. We come from Heaven.” Amaterasu pointed her hand upwards. “Up there is where we belong… the Kami of the Celestial Brush, Waka, and you as well. Years ago we descended and unleashed the evils upon Nippon that had hijacked the Ark of Yamato. We purged the evils from the world and completed our task, but our ascent was denied. And now I see before us the opportunity to return where we belong.”

“You believe that if we reach the highest point of that mountain we will be able to return to Heaven?” Fiara asked. She shifted over and held her sponge out while speaking, to which Amaterasu began brushing up and down along her shoulders and backside.

“I don’t know. But if the possibility exists I must investigate it. The dwarves have told me, there is a barrier that marks the limit of this world, all around us, but that the mountain is taller than the barrier reaches up. It is quite possible that the mountains of madness’s peaks reach beyond, into something that I cannot fathom. It could be Heaven. It could be that this bubble is but one of many in a much larger bubble. It could be that there is emptiness beyond the barrier, nothing at all.”

“It could also be that there is no rip. That it’s some illusion. You know as well as I that people see what they want to see, Mother Amaterasu.”

“Indeed, it’s very possible… your turn by the way.” They both shifted their places so that Fiara could in turn help Amaterasu out, while the Kami spoke on. “I cannot discard that possibility – it could be that we reach the summit to find that there is nothing but snow, rocks and the sky above. But if I turned back from something because there is the possibility of running into a dead end or that what I want to do is impossible, then I would never have left Kamiki Village to battle Orochi.” She gave a grin. “You know what the humans say? ‘Hope is the last thing to die.’ It’s amazing how strong hope and determination is for them, really. You haven’t spent a lot of time among humans yet, but I’m sure you will understand in time.”

Fiara squeezed the sponge in her hands, pausing her work for a moment before resuming. “I’m not a kid anymore, Mother Amaterasu.”

“You are indeed not, Fiara. You have blossomed into a beautiful young woman… Moegami would be proud of you if he could see you now. But in spite of that, you still lack experience… you have spent little time among mortals. That’s why I say that you will understand it eventually – not because you are too young or naïve to understand, but because you do not have the experience yet. But I can say that Moegami when he was your age knew far less than you”, she added with a wink over her shoulder that made Fiara snicker involuntarily.

“Well I guess… and what will you do if the rumors turn out to be false? If there is no rip in the sky after all?”

“Then I will return here, and tell Urist the truth. He deserves closure on this matter. Knowing that Glod was wrong will at least give him the certainty.” Fiara put the sponge aside as Amaterasu finished and they both stood up, taking their towels along as they went to the larger, deeper pool. As they soaked in the hot waters and relaxed they let the matter rest for a few minutes. This time however it was Amaterasu who reignited the conversation. “Oki will be coming along with me… but seeing how nobody has replied to it to voice their interest in joining us, I think it will be just the two of us.”

“Just you two?” Fiara asked. Her tone was sharp now.

“Fiara, you are not coming along to this trip.” She knew that the girl would protest, but she was going to stand firm on this. Fiara surprised her by reacting much calmer than she had anticipated.

“Why?”

“I could not carry the burden of your second death in this world in such short time. I want you to stay here with the dwarves and to spend time among them. Join their hunts, pass the trial to gain permission to enter Mithral Hall, learn about the Frozen Fields and the rest of the Omniverse from them. That sort of thing.”

Fiara crossed her arms. “Mother Amaterasu, what did you tell me earlier? That I am not a kid anymore, that I am a young woman.”

Amaterasu bit her lip. Smart girl. “Yes, I said that.”

“And do you think that Moegami would be proud of me if I left you to head out accompanied by nobody but Oki to a mountain of ice inhabited by who knows what sort of monstrosities?”

“I think Moegami would be proud of you if you realized what your limits are. You are a young kami yet, Fiara! You are not as powerful as the other Celestial Brush Kami, and this journey is dangerous!”

“I will never grow strong if you wrap me in silk”, Fiara said coldly. “I died… yet here I am, alive! I am missing a few memories… so what?! If that is the price I am to pay so that I can keep up with Oki and you and be an asset, not a burden, then I will happily pay it! I would prefer a spotty memory and the power to be in the field with you than memories of being treated like a princess and kept from danger while Oki and you go on adventures!” By now Fiara was standing up in the pool, her voice was shaking with anger and she had balled her hands into fists. Amaterasu tried to speak up but Fiara raised her voice first. “If you leave me behind I will follow you, Mother Amaterasu. You know that.”

Amaterasu’s expression hardened. “You are a grown-up woman by age, but you behave like a kid. You are being selfish at this point, do you realize that?”

Fiara was caught offguard by that comment. “What?”

“Your death isn’t just forgotten about as I bring you back! You lose memories of people you knew, of friends you made! The Fiara in front of me is not the Fiara that went to Dante’s Abyss, and if I bring you back it will not be you either – it will be a Fiara that I base on my memories, not on yours! And if you come along, you WILL die. There are dwarves that have tried to climb the summit – they are experts. And none of them ever returned.”

Fiara turned around and climbed out of the water, picking up the towel as she went. “I thought that you would be better than that.”

This time it was Amaterasu’s turn to be caught off-guard. She involuntarily shivered when she saw the cold rage in Fiara’s eyes.

“You are calling me selfish, yet you take Oki along. Don’t pretend that you know him better than me – I know that you two only met back up weeks after he woke up here in the Fields, and that you have not been around each other all the time. He would forget as much as me, if not more. If you weren’t selfish you would tell him to stay here like me.”

“Oki is different, he’s a skilled combatant and-“

“He’s as skilled as I am.” She wrapped herself into the towel and stepped back. “You won’t change your mind, but if I came back to be locked into a golden cage I would rather never have come back.”

“Fiara, wait!” Amaterasu yelled. She tried to catch up with her but nearly slid on the rock floor.

“Oh, calm down! I’m not running away from Dwarfholm”, the girl replied. Then she turned a corner and disappeared from Amaterasu’s sight, leaving her alone with her helpless anger. Was she right? Was she being unfair? She was coming to realize that Oki was as mortal as Fiara in this world, and that she could not deny that she was greatly more powerful than she had been in Nippon, from what she had seen in the footage of Dante’s Abyss. But was she strong enough to brave the ascent through the mountains? Was Oki?

… was she?

Half an hour later, Amaterasu stepped through the gates of Dwarfholm into the frigid night outside, wrapped tightly into a thick winter coat with hood, insulated pants, heavy boots outfitted with spikes and gloves. Even so she felt the cold air on her face, stinging. She looked to the sky, at the stars far above. The top of the mountain was, as usual, clouded and nothing could be seen, but she could see several areas where the stars and the vast empty darkness shone through the clouds. This must be how mortals felt when seeing the world above them… small, like a speckle of dust in a world so much larger than them.

Right now, she felt helpless. Being a kami meant to be… powerful. To be above mortals and to provide guidance and safety… to know the answers to their questions and to bring them solace through places of worship and through prayers, by letting them know that somewhere up there someone was listening to them. Now she was just like them. She knew not what to do… and yet there was nobody up there to listen to her, because she was supposed to be up there, to listen to others. It was kind of ironic, in a way. But it reminded her that because she was down here, not up there, people had nobody to relay their troubles to.

As she observed the sky, the chilling winds died away and the clouds gave way to the stars above her. Around her, the world faded, until she stood in a white plain of snow with only the stars above her. Ah… Gekigami. Why did she not feel surprised to encounter the Kami of Thunder in this place? It would have been a better fit for his siblings… but even so she felt happiness as she drew the lines to unite the stars of the constellation into the symbol of the tiger, and the world around her turned pure white.

“Amaterasu, Mother to us all…” Gekigami’s deep voice resonated through her spirit and filled her with new power. The white tiger descended from the sky, his massive bow across his back, and landed before her. “… I sense that something is plaguing you, Mother Amaterasu. I am happy to see you once again, but it appears that you have freed me at an inopportune time?”

Amaterasu reached out and scratched Gekigami’s chin, enticing a deep rumbling purr from the overgrown cat. “I’m sorry, Gekigami. I should be happy to see you here. I hope that you have been doing well?”

“I have, but I have been eagerly awaiting your arrival. Now we are united once more, and I can return to your brush the power of Thunderstorm.”

“Yes… a great power indeed. Thank you, Geki. I am happy to have you along for the ride with the other Kami.”

“You have yet to unite them, Mother Amaterasu… what is the matter? Are they hard to find?”

“Indeed. It appears that we were separated, but reuniting them may be harder even than it was in Nippon.”

“If you allowed for it, I could borrow some of the ink of your Celestial Brush, and with my siblings set out to find the ones you are missing.”

“That would not work, Geki: the brush’s power comes not from its ink but from the one to wield it. If you left me I would lose your power until your return, and you could not wield the brush anyway. Only I have that power. But I promise you as I have promised the others: I will find and gather them.”

“Thank you, Mother Amaterasu.” The tiger bowed, and the world turned cold once more, though Amaterasu could feel the strength surging through her body like an electric discharge. Power overwhelming… it was stronger than it had been in Nippon. She looked at her gloved palm. This was the power to vanquish her opponents, to crush demonkind with the might of the heavens… and to protect her friends.

Fiara’s words passed through her mind again. Was she really being selfish? And was she strong enough to manage the ascent, or was Fiara, or Oki?

No. Of course they weren’t.

They were weak and small, all three of them. She was the weakest of them all, in fact. She relied on the Kami of the Celestial Brush to grant her the powers to defeat her opponents. And even then, she doubted that her strength would suffice to take the challenge that laid ahead of her.

But Oki and Fiara… they were her friends. If they came with her, they would protect her and she would protect them. They would guard her back as she would guard theirs. They would strike her opponents down as she struck theirs down. They would warm her at night when she was cold, as she would warm them. They would drag one another back to their feet when the chilling cold froze them to their cores and numbed their bodies until they could no longer go on.

She had been an idiot to think that she could do this on her own. She had been an idiot to believe that Fiara and Oki had no valid opinions, and to claim that it was up to her to make the calls. Their lives were theirs; it was not her call what they were to do with them. To have thought otherwise was the most selfish thought of all.

When she walked back into Dwarfholm Fiara and Oki were coming up to her, both with stern faces, but Amaterasu raised a hand before either of them could say a word. “I’m sorry, Fiara. I’m sorry, Oki. I have let my worries carry me away… you can decide for yourselves whether or not you want to come along to this expedition, to follow me to the summit of a mountain where I know not what we will find. But as a friend I tell you, I would very much like to have you along. Both of you.” She made a point to look at Fiara as she spoke that last sentence.

Oki’s mild surprise rapidly turned into a cheerful nod. “I guess that there is nothing to worry about after all, then.”

Fiara sniffed and hugged Amaterasu tightly. “I’m coming along whether you want to or not, Mother Amaterasu. I will not leave your side again, and I promise you I will not die. I will reach the summit with you, and Urist will have his truth – for the better or the worse.”

“Yes… we will go together. Tomorrow at sundawn, we will depart”, Amaterasu said with a determined nod. “I nearly forgot something very important today… and I want to apologize to you, Fiara. You are an adult now, one that Moegami would be proud of.”

Fiara backed away, grinned and smacked a fist against her own chest. “Hey, I’m the daughter of a Kami of the Celestial Brush of the great Amaterasu after all.”

“That you are, Fiara. Thank you for reminding me.”