12-06-2016, 01:32 AM
The meal was consumed mostly on autopilot. Her brain was far too concerned with this proposition Nathaniel had oh, so easily plopped onto her lap. She felt his eyes on her the entire time, quiet, studious, but he wisely kept his mouth shut while she mulled over her problem.
She wasn’t bothered so much about being forced to make a decision so quickly, that she had plenty of experience with; the problem was getting over her mental road blocks to let him inside (figuratively speaking) after everything that they’ve been through. He had been the object of her hatred for decades, and here she was, thrust into each other’s existence once again, sort of like destiny was playing some cruel joke and she was the punchline. Fucking destiny.
Pushing her mostly-eaten plate away, Violet dabbed at her mouth with a napkin and sipped her tea. She was pleasantly full, but her mind, not so much. She hated having to make this decision, even if the end result was quite literally life and death for so many others. She realized Ramses had to be dealt with, but the solution to that particular problem was not something she was excited about.
It’s not that fucking was the worst thing that could happen to her, it was whom she was fucking that was her biggest hangup. She didn’t want to touch Nathaniel, much less screw him. Would it be rape if she relented and did it anyway, although she really didn’t want to? It was such a fuzzy area even she didn’t know the answer to, although she’d done sketchy shit like it in the past. Would the fact that she wouldn’t be fighting and screaming make the difference in how it was defined?
Kami…she didn’t know.
“We’ll find another way, Violet. There has to be another way,” Nathaniel murmured. He seemed to be just as plagued by the problem as she, perhaps secondhand vibes she was so strongly projecting could have contributed, but whatever it was, he didn’t seem to be a huge fan of it, either. “Maybe there’s a way to just do it…symbolically. A lot of foreplay, but not actual sex. Something to make our energies pure enough that they can merge.”
She pondered that for a moment and nodded. “It’s worth a shot, I guess.”
“I can hear your thoughts, feel them within the depths of my mind almost as if I was thinking them myself.”
“Once upon a time, I used to be able to hear other’s thoughts, as well, but I seem to have lost that ability when I was brought here.”
“We’ve all had to relearn what was lost during the transition.”
“It sucks,” she said, laughing tersely. “All that time spent learning something just for it to be gone in the blink of an eye.”
“Would have been nice if we could forget everything, wouldn’t it?”
“Not everything,” she replied. “My son and daughter are still out there somewhere. I don’t want to forget them. They’re the best things I’ve ever done in my life.”
Nathaniel was quiet for a long period of time. Her thoughts immediately went to her other child, the one that never had a chance to breathe or feel the sun on her skin. She’d had dreams for years after she lost her first child, dreams that haunted her even here, but what was once this roaring voice at the back of her mind was nothing more than a simple shadow that followed her thoughts.
“Do you ever wonder what our lives would have been like if she had lived?” Nathaniel folded his hands in his lap, looking every bit as vulnerable as she. Apparently, the loss hung as heavy on him as it did her. She didn’t realize until now just how much that affected him, maybe because he was more “human” here, without the interference of machinery dictating his thoughts, his moves.
Perhaps that was the “why” of a lot of things between them. Was everything really his fault, or was it Red’s? The man behind everything horrific that has happened in her life, as well as the lives of countless others was long dead, by her own hand, no less, but his impact had touched so many, and not in good ways. Could she really fault Nathaniel for something that was really the fault of someone else?
“If she’d lived…who knows how our lives would have turned out,” she responded sullenly. “Maybe we’d be up to our eyeballs in Red Ribbon, and they’d have eventually taken her. Maybe how life has played out was the way it was meant to be. Red had to die, and her death was the catalyst for that to happen.”
“Another lifetime, maybe,” he relented. “Although now, I cannot imagine myself having children.”
“I never thought I would either, but I do.”
“I’d like to meet them someday. With a mother like you, I’m sure they’re wonderful people,” he smiled warmly at her. She swore it was genuine.
“I miss them. With Galen, it was just him and I, living our lives on Vegeta, but Rose…I feel like I didn’t give her everything I should have. Her life was…complicated.” Violet sighed, thinking of her youngest child. “I had loved her father for years, but everything seemed to get in the way. He was always trouble, and I knew it, but still, my entire being wanted him, and we finally became a family. He was so worried about her, about his master getting to her, and we ended up sending her away to another dimension where we thought she would be safe. I mourned for her, but I understood why Buu had made that decision.”
“We always want what’s best for those we love,” he said cryptically.
“Galen knew about her, he was excited when we told him he would have a baby sister, and was there when I had her, he was the second person to hold her after her father. He was in love with her. He was so little, yet he had promised to protect her.” She laughed. “He is every bit the Saiyan that his father was. A fighter, but more than that, he was compassionate and very protective of what was his.”
“Is his.” Nathaniel corrected. “He’s still alive out there somewhere.”
She nodded. “You’re right…Kami, you’re right. I don’t know why I’m speaking about them as if they’re dead.”
“It takes some adjusting. We’re in an entirely different reality now, but that’s the beauty of an existence with multiple universes.”
“I don’t even want to try to think too hard about that philosophy,” Violet sighed. “I’m a lover and a fighter, but a scholar, I am not.”
“It’s not too difficult to understand, really.”
“Hard pass.”
“Alright, suit yourself,” he smiled, and rose from his chair. “It’s great to sit and wax about what we left behind, but we need to think about the future, the now.”
Violet heaved another sigh, her eyes fluttering shut. She had to make a decision. Steeling herself, she opened her eyes, looked dead center into Nathaniel’s, and nodded. “Fine, let’s do this.”
She wasn’t bothered so much about being forced to make a decision so quickly, that she had plenty of experience with; the problem was getting over her mental road blocks to let him inside (figuratively speaking) after everything that they’ve been through. He had been the object of her hatred for decades, and here she was, thrust into each other’s existence once again, sort of like destiny was playing some cruel joke and she was the punchline. Fucking destiny.
Pushing her mostly-eaten plate away, Violet dabbed at her mouth with a napkin and sipped her tea. She was pleasantly full, but her mind, not so much. She hated having to make this decision, even if the end result was quite literally life and death for so many others. She realized Ramses had to be dealt with, but the solution to that particular problem was not something she was excited about.
It’s not that fucking was the worst thing that could happen to her, it was whom she was fucking that was her biggest hangup. She didn’t want to touch Nathaniel, much less screw him. Would it be rape if she relented and did it anyway, although she really didn’t want to? It was such a fuzzy area even she didn’t know the answer to, although she’d done sketchy shit like it in the past. Would the fact that she wouldn’t be fighting and screaming make the difference in how it was defined?
Kami…she didn’t know.
“We’ll find another way, Violet. There has to be another way,” Nathaniel murmured. He seemed to be just as plagued by the problem as she, perhaps secondhand vibes she was so strongly projecting could have contributed, but whatever it was, he didn’t seem to be a huge fan of it, either. “Maybe there’s a way to just do it…symbolically. A lot of foreplay, but not actual sex. Something to make our energies pure enough that they can merge.”
She pondered that for a moment and nodded. “It’s worth a shot, I guess.”
“I can hear your thoughts, feel them within the depths of my mind almost as if I was thinking them myself.”
“Once upon a time, I used to be able to hear other’s thoughts, as well, but I seem to have lost that ability when I was brought here.”
“We’ve all had to relearn what was lost during the transition.”
“It sucks,” she said, laughing tersely. “All that time spent learning something just for it to be gone in the blink of an eye.”
“Would have been nice if we could forget everything, wouldn’t it?”
“Not everything,” she replied. “My son and daughter are still out there somewhere. I don’t want to forget them. They’re the best things I’ve ever done in my life.”
Nathaniel was quiet for a long period of time. Her thoughts immediately went to her other child, the one that never had a chance to breathe or feel the sun on her skin. She’d had dreams for years after she lost her first child, dreams that haunted her even here, but what was once this roaring voice at the back of her mind was nothing more than a simple shadow that followed her thoughts.
“Do you ever wonder what our lives would have been like if she had lived?” Nathaniel folded his hands in his lap, looking every bit as vulnerable as she. Apparently, the loss hung as heavy on him as it did her. She didn’t realize until now just how much that affected him, maybe because he was more “human” here, without the interference of machinery dictating his thoughts, his moves.
Perhaps that was the “why” of a lot of things between them. Was everything really his fault, or was it Red’s? The man behind everything horrific that has happened in her life, as well as the lives of countless others was long dead, by her own hand, no less, but his impact had touched so many, and not in good ways. Could she really fault Nathaniel for something that was really the fault of someone else?
“If she’d lived…who knows how our lives would have turned out,” she responded sullenly. “Maybe we’d be up to our eyeballs in Red Ribbon, and they’d have eventually taken her. Maybe how life has played out was the way it was meant to be. Red had to die, and her death was the catalyst for that to happen.”
“Another lifetime, maybe,” he relented. “Although now, I cannot imagine myself having children.”
“I never thought I would either, but I do.”
“I’d like to meet them someday. With a mother like you, I’m sure they’re wonderful people,” he smiled warmly at her. She swore it was genuine.
“I miss them. With Galen, it was just him and I, living our lives on Vegeta, but Rose…I feel like I didn’t give her everything I should have. Her life was…complicated.” Violet sighed, thinking of her youngest child. “I had loved her father for years, but everything seemed to get in the way. He was always trouble, and I knew it, but still, my entire being wanted him, and we finally became a family. He was so worried about her, about his master getting to her, and we ended up sending her away to another dimension where we thought she would be safe. I mourned for her, but I understood why Buu had made that decision.”
“We always want what’s best for those we love,” he said cryptically.
“Galen knew about her, he was excited when we told him he would have a baby sister, and was there when I had her, he was the second person to hold her after her father. He was in love with her. He was so little, yet he had promised to protect her.” She laughed. “He is every bit the Saiyan that his father was. A fighter, but more than that, he was compassionate and very protective of what was his.”
“Is his.” Nathaniel corrected. “He’s still alive out there somewhere.”
She nodded. “You’re right…Kami, you’re right. I don’t know why I’m speaking about them as if they’re dead.”
“It takes some adjusting. We’re in an entirely different reality now, but that’s the beauty of an existence with multiple universes.”
“I don’t even want to try to think too hard about that philosophy,” Violet sighed. “I’m a lover and a fighter, but a scholar, I am not.”
“It’s not too difficult to understand, really.”
“Hard pass.”
“Alright, suit yourself,” he smiled, and rose from his chair. “It’s great to sit and wax about what we left behind, but we need to think about the future, the now.”
Violet heaved another sigh, her eyes fluttering shut. She had to make a decision. Steeling herself, she opened her eyes, looked dead center into Nathaniel’s, and nodded. “Fine, let’s do this.”
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