Let's Read: Book Club Vols #2, 4, 5, 7, 8

[Dark Link]

Clawing Into Existence - This thread was short, but definitely sweet. Simply put, I really enjoyed it. Artorias absolutely nailed his description of the sense of anger and confusion his character felt as he appeared in the Omniverse. While there was definitely some mixing of what was actually going on and what the character merely imagined was happening, I personally thought that it was entirely appropriate and matched the knight's state of mind. Also, making the fountain's shape something relevant to the character was a really nice touch.

Another thing I have to praise was the fight. Given that Artorias is this armoured giant and that Stormtroopers tend to be the butt of everyone's jokes, it would have been very easy to depict the knight just effortlessly smashing them around as though he were Godzilla. However, the writer didn't do that; while Artorias certainly ripped some of them apart, the Stormtroopers put up a decent fight and their blasters did a decent amount of damage instead of merely bouncing off. I really appreciated that. Not just because I think Stormtroopers are stronger than people give them credit for (at least in the source material, they are the reason the Empire was able to rule the known galaxy), but because it gave Artorias a sense of mortality and vulnerability that made him easier to relate to.

Now, there were some things that could have been done better. I felt that certain phrases were a bit overused at the beginning: Don't get me wrong, I know from personal experience that there's only so many ways you can describe certain things, especially an empty featureless void. But it might have helped if the writer hadn't called attention to that particular aspect of the scene so much. Also, I think the fight could have been written with a bit more clarity. I don't know about other readers, but I was sometimes confused if one of the Stormtroopers was getting hurt or if Artorias was.

Overall, though, this was a great read. If Artorias keeps this up, he is certain to get far.

Gouki's First Coming - I don't have much to say regarding this thread, but here are the general impressions I had of it.

Gouki did a great job with his descriptions. Some might say he might have even gone a bit overboard with them, but I thought they were quite well done and really helped paint the picture of the various scenes inside the reader's head. Gouki's writing is definitely quite developed and well-polished. However, I do feel that the character himself came off as a bit "too badass", as at no point did it really feel that he was at any real disadvantage. Sure, Gouki is a master martial artist and some of Retane's attacks were depicted as harder to block, but otherwise, Gouki completely dominated the fight....a bit too much, considering he had just been weakened by his arrival within the Omniverse. It almost made the character seem like a caricature and it also made the respect he showed to Retane towards the end ring kind of hollow.

As for Retane...honestly, anything I can say doesn't really matter, since Retane himself is probably well aware of what he did and didn't do well. I've had the privilege of roleplaying with him in the past, so I know he is a very good writer. But while what he wrote in this thread wasn't bad (I especially liked the fervor with which Retane expressed himself), compared to his past works, it felt kind of simple and dry. Also, as Proto mentioned, the bit with the summoning felt kind of forced and without much meaning, especially with Retane asking Gouki to kill him right afterwards.

Overall, while the fight was good, it was also a bit too one-sided for my taste. Hopefully, future fights will be a bit more balanced.