Conspiracy Theorist's Vlog [M]

[Guu]

The man can’t keep me down! Thanks to your support, I’ve made bail! I’m so lucky to have all of you! It truly warms my heart! I love you all!

Platonically of course.


Unless you are. Female fan, then unplatonically.



The empire tried to silence me by claiming my good deeds were male prositution! Well they'll regret ever crossing me! They just don't want the truth to get out!


Anyways, onto the theory!




Prime Agents of EPD are Glorified Pimps!


Shocked? You know I was! For more definite proof, look at this photo of Judge Dredd:

Look at that leather! He’s practically adorning bondage gear! Imagine him holding a whip and the image is complete! He’s the biggest pimp of all! He tries to pull off the tough cop act but he is huge on the gay sex!


I know, because he sent hundreds of male prostitutes to my house! He even made sure that they all paid me so it would look like I'm the prostitute, that jerk! It was all to test if I would sleep with guys, so the Emperor would be free to hit on me!


Of course, I don’t sleep with men, i was clearly awake the whole time!


In fact, one of the men was dressed as Palpatine! Yes, I asked him to dress like him (for the science of course,) but the fact that it was so easy for him to fill that role proves that he’s done it before, and who has he done it for before? That’s right, the Emperor!


He’s so egotistical that he wants to fuck himself!


In fact, he has cloning facilities just for that purpose! Why do you think stormtroopers stopped using clones? Because they are busy making emperor sex slaves!


In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if he decided to clone me! Wouldn’t that be shocking?


To think there’s a lab out there somewhere with hundreds of copies of me, all of them in pods, naked, with their dicks hanging out.


Excuse me, I have an erection from thinking of women. I need to take a five minute break from writing.






I’m back! Did you guys miss me?


Well, I guess you guys wouldn’t since I’m not live blogging this. I guess I could edit that erection break out, but I’m big on free thought pieces like this. Everything I write is just free form, and I never look back!


Now that I think about it, I wonder if any of my old post have embarrassing shit on them.




Eh, I’m sure it’s fine.


So where was I? Something about clones? I don’t remember.


I wonder if the Emperor has a leather outfit. I bet he’d look incredible in it! I mean, imagine him holding a paddle, about to whack that ass! Oh god, that would be incredible!


Platonically of course!


The emperor is evil! End of story!




Oh yeah, if you like my material, please support my Patreon! We are close to the highly coveted $1000 benchmark where I release my research tapes. I’m glad all of you have an appreciation for science as much as I do!