11-14-2014, 02:14 AM
Clawing into Existence
You did an excellent job detailing the feel of Omni's Introduction, from the darkness around you, to the feeling of helplessness. Even the description of Omni was fantastic.
You seemed to use "dark" a lot, which I can't really blame you for as there's only so many synonyms for "darkness" you can use.
It looks like you have a fondness for ellipses. Which I also have a fondness for. However, from a writing perspective, you may want to limit them to times when you want to suspend the reader in the moment.
You have a knack for detail, as I said before. I can really visualize what it is that your character is doing or feeling at any point in this writing.
Your fight with the Stormtroopers was incredibly well done. From keeping them at a relatively decent power (Secondaries aren't pushovers by any means)... well, I don't know how many more times I can tell you that you really drew me into your writing. I'm having trouble finding things to really critique.
One thing you might consider, and honestly it didn't detract from my enjoyment of reading this at all, is that you might want to break these up into smaller posts, just to give someone reading a good stopping point to wrap their head around what they just absorbed.
All in all, you did a fantastic job. Keep it up, hombre!
You did an excellent job detailing the feel of Omni's Introduction, from the darkness around you, to the feeling of helplessness. Even the description of Omni was fantastic.
You seemed to use "dark" a lot, which I can't really blame you for as there's only so many synonyms for "darkness" you can use.
It looks like you have a fondness for ellipses. Which I also have a fondness for. However, from a writing perspective, you may want to limit them to times when you want to suspend the reader in the moment.
You have a knack for detail, as I said before. I can really visualize what it is that your character is doing or feeling at any point in this writing.
Your fight with the Stormtroopers was incredibly well done. From keeping them at a relatively decent power (Secondaries aren't pushovers by any means)... well, I don't know how many more times I can tell you that you really drew me into your writing. I'm having trouble finding things to really critique.
One thing you might consider, and honestly it didn't detract from my enjoyment of reading this at all, is that you might want to break these up into smaller posts, just to give someone reading a good stopping point to wrap their head around what they just absorbed.
All in all, you did a fantastic job. Keep it up, hombre!