(Reddit) Afro Pirate - Stories/Discussion

[Guu]

accidentalgrandmalover said:
I encountered the great Pirate once. I will never forget it.

Late one night drinking, my mates challenged me to sail across the ocean in nothing but a dingy (I should be referring them as my "former mates" as I found out later that they were actively trying to kill me.) I woke the next day with a hangover and in the middle of the frikkin' ocean, no land in sight just water everwhere I could see.

I would survive the next few days on nothing but bar snacks that I had inexplically brought with me. Thankfully the raft had a sunlight thingy or I would have died of dehydration.

(Again, "former mates")

Anyways, three days drifting, I saw his ship in the distance. It immediately caught my eye as the mast had a very bizarre statue of a woman adorning her own afro giving the finger. I waved the ship down who was kind enough to drop anchor next to my raft. The crew, which was composed of leather bound Fabio clones, pulled me on board, and that was when I first saw him.

He wore a purple suit, something ripped from a disco movie, but he wore his jacket in such a way that his chest constantly lay open. It kind of had to as that chest was bushy enough to get lost in on it's own. He looked me up and down with an eager gaze and spoke in a commanding voice.

"Well, little lost one, we will return you to the next port. But in the meantime, we shall have pancakes in celebration of your arrival on board!"

So yeah, just as he said, we had pancakes that night. The Fabio clones told their own tales of darring, none of them related to pirate adventures, but of their modeling carreers. They'd all nodded along to each story as if they all had lived it, which gave me the feeling that my assessment of all of them being clones of the same man was on point. After several stories about nightmare make-up artists and disasterous photo shoots, the captain himself sat next to me and whispered something in my ear that left me stunned.

"Would you like to sleep with my daughter?"

I couldn't believe I was being offered up the man's own blood to me. I was quick to politely decline out of embarassment, but he was pretty insistant. After a bit of coersion I eventually agreed.

I couldn't believe my luck when I saw her. A young, college-age girl with an incredibly sexy tan and thin wavy hair. I began to wonder how these two were related, but the fair less blood pumping to my brain kept the thoughts away. I did her well into the night in the captain's own cabin.

But, to my horror, when I woke the next day, I discovered that the woman I was sleeping with had transformed. She had become a wrickly 80-year-old woman. She looked me in the eyes, lustful after the previous nights events, and spoke to me.

"Was it good for you?"

Horrified, I run out the door, run upstairs, and throw myself overboard, all while entirely in the buff. I would be be rescued by the merchant boat later that day.