Conspiracy Theorist's Vlog [M]

[Guu]

My homosexuality cure method has been a huge success! It’s been working so well for some people, I’ve had some come in multiple times! Feels good to help people!

And remember, it’s not gay if it’s for medical reasons!

Hey, maybe I should charge for my services! Considering how many lives I’ve touched, I doubt people would mind paying a bit to keep me from going under!

Blog money only gets you so far.

Now on to the theory!


Women in the Omniverse are the Spawn of Evil

That is correct! Everyone woman in the Omniverse is evil, and can shoot lasers from their vaginas. You need proof? Have you ever seen a woman’s vagina in the omniverse? I sure haven’t, case closed!

In reality, women used their laser vaginas to carve out the omniverse, every mountain, every crevasse, all cut from laser vaginas.

Every single one was built by the empire for two reasons:

Palpatine didn’t know how to program so he needed people in the game to shape his computer simulation.
So we don’t think Palpatine was gay.

He knew someone like me would come along eventually and discover his evil simulation of terror, so in a ditch attempt to throw me off, he created women to fool me into thinking that he may not be gay if he wanted vagina’d people around.

But no, I was not fooled!

Laser vaginas play a big role in our world. You know the laser guns that storm troopers use? Yeah, flesh lights. Try fucking one sometime, it’s amazing.

But most important of all is that the laser vaginas are the source of all omnilium. Yep, that rainbow colored stuff that supposedly comes from primes? Woman piss that out their vaginas on a daily basis and it turns into the glowing rainbow laser balls we all know and use as money.

And the fact that it’s rainbow laser is more proof of Palpatine’s gayness! I mean, it’s rainbows and stuff! Because the gays stole the rainbow from us! Did you know that? It used to be all about the spectrum of light, but now every time you see a rainbow, it’s for the gays. It’s true, omni makes those for Palpatine, because he’s a creation of Palpatine.

My god Palpatine, why must you tease and fuck me already.

For science of course!

You know, I’m so sick of primes pretending to be the best thing since sliced Hitler, but really, they aren’t shit. I mean, secondaries have Omnilium, I have a few coins of it in my pocket, they aren’t special! I mean just because they'd can absorb it - oh how amazing, we should worship them! They don’t say it but they all want us to worship them. Primes are evil! They get their name because they are primed for world domination!

It’s scary shit!

Back to women and their laser vaginas. Once a month, they’ll fire all lasers at once, and they act angrier at this time of month entirely so they can chase people away before they fire all cylinders.

And before someone goes on about most cases of PMS are bullshit, shut up, I saw it on TV a lot so it must be all true!

Also, they use their sexual powers to seduce people into the dark side, it’s all a facade, a trick! They are out to trick us! But I’m smarter, I’m immune to their effects!

Not that I’m gay, I’m very much straight, but my mental prowess protects me for the control of the womans!

Beware the womans!

Fans of this blog may want to read this: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...0#pid87320