Conspiracy Theorist's Vlog [M]

[Guu]

To everyone who has concerns of my mental health, my only response is it is not good to let your jealousy outweigh your reason. Just because I was smarter than you to figure all this out first doesn’t mean you can deny what is obviously and clearly the truth!

Also, everyone that’s been calling me gay, I’m sorry I can’t be your adonis, but I’m only for the ladies… for the most part.

With that out of the way, on to the theory!



Omni is the Manifestation of Aliens

How can this be? How can aliens have the power to create a whole universe? Well, it’s quite simple. The omniverse is a computer simulation created to hide us from the truth!

And what is that truth? That Palpatine is gay as fuck!

That’s right! He hooked us all up so we may never learn of his freaky sexual ways! He put us all in little pods at birth, connecting us through wires to a big machine that harvests the electricity from out bodies, and then uses that electricity to power his giant black dildo! Then he watches the simulation. Ever get that feeling, men of the omniverse, that feeling that you are being watched in the shower? That’s the emperor! He’s watching you and playing with himself!

Creeped out? Oh, I’m only getting started!

Every time a man does something cool in the Omniverse, every time the dopamine program runs on a man, a signal is sent to a device strapped to his genitals. He gets off on your victories, it also gets off when you are in pain too! The suffering of all men in the omniverse is only to his pleasure!

And of course, from the background is Aragorn, a man reduced to a permanent sex slave because everyone else is trapped inside his evil perverted digital dungeon.

Sick shit, am I right?

It only makes sense this world is a simulation. I mean, how can an old geezer like the Emperor be one of the most powerful primes in the Omniverse? And how can a little girl like Guu rule a kingdom? It’s like something out of fiction, a computer fiction!

The Emporer is quite the devious sort, the perverted devious sort that secretly wants me! That’s the only reason he’s kept me alive so long, he wants me so bad. Of course, you all know that I’m above that shit, I like the womans after all. Did I make that clear before? I feel people get the wrong idea about me. I only report on gay people, I’m not actually am one. Ya got that? I like the breast and vaginas.

Speaking of which, Palpatine clearly doesn’t like the breast or vaginas! He likes the D! My D! Aragon’s D! All our Ds! It’s why we are here in the Omniverse, he wants the D! And are we going to sit here and give it to him?

I propose an initiative. Sometime in the next few days, every man in the omniverse needs to get laid with another man, show the emperor that he can’t have our Ds, we can keep them all to ourselves! Just think, he’s up there screaming, seeing all his puppets having sex without him. He is madness! We got to take a stand!

So that’s the plan, we’ll have a big ass all male orgy in the streets of Coruscant! Don’t worry, it’s not gay, we’re doing it for protest! Let’s show the gay Palpatine that we are straight with a conga line all across the city. That’ll show him!

Who’s with me?