There's Snow Place Like Home

[Strazio Rockwell]

Valerie had spent the better part of the last few minutes slipping in and out of lucidity. At some point during his stay in Lalaland he rolled over onto his back. Around him his companions scattered about with rabid ferocity. Tartaros, still clutching at his wounds, had managed to crawl back to his feet and join the fray. Jade and Rock worked frantically to free the imprisoned while Karkat carved through swathes wriggling tendrils and provided cover for them. Val’s muscles twitched, but his body refused to move. The plant no longer controlled him, but he was just so damned exhausted at this point. A fleeting thought like a snowflake on a hotplate -- where was Solomon Grundy?

The mountain of meat was just standing there, slack jawed and unaware. Which, Valerie supposed, wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary for the monolithic beefcake were it not him muttering to himself. The Verdant mage couldn’t quite make sense of what Grundy was saying, but it seemed to be some sort of slow-witted argument with himself. Having lost control of the cryophoenix and a handful of others the beast’s power and subsequently grip on Grundy was waning. But it wasn’t until an undulating mass of hairy tentacles snuck up on and coiled around Karkat that Solomon acted. Like a runaway locomotive the deadman charged forth, each step threatened to tear fissures into the wet and cold earth. With two meaty mitts the giant ripped the stalk of tentacles asunder. He bellowed, “you not hurt Kitkat, you not hurt Grundy’s friends!” With that declaration, regardless of whether or not the plant heard him, Grundy set out to be the best weedwhacker known to mankind.

Above them the frigid bluebird fluttered frantically. Fevered animal panic gripped its body and it searched for an escape. Valerie watched as it hopped from crumbling perch to crumbling perch, unable to find a good foothold in the cavern. With every flap of its wings it threatened to turn the mountain into a massive icebox. A sudden howling screech roared from its lungs, a wayward tendril had managed to wrap itself around the bird’s scale-covered foot. With leviathan strength the bird beat its wings and ripped itself free, heading higher upwards. An ivory beam erupted from its mouth, aimed towards the ceiling of the mountain. A low rumbling reverberated throughout the entire structure. Everyone looks upwards and watched as the creature let loose another burst of frigid energy. First a crack appeared, spider webbing outwards and letting in thin curtains of light. One final cataclysmic burst force the top of the mountain to explode outwards like a shook-up soda bottle. In a flash of ice and snow the bird ascended above the clouds and disappeared.

“It’s coming down,” shouted Tartaros, “get to cover!”

Chunks of stone came down in withering waves. Using her sense of Space Jade did her best to divert the incoming stone hail from striking the freed and lethargic prisoners. Valerie’s vision of the sun was blotted out by Grundy’s massive frame. He held the squirming Karkat by the scruff of his neck. The leviathan was using his own bulk to protect the incapacitated Valerie and squiggly troll. Becquerel darted around carefully, avoiding the rocks the best he could. The little sister held onto her fluffy companion tightly, she was more excited about the fun ride rather than worried about the impending collapse. There was a shifting and then a large boulder began its descent. Larger than a bus the meteorite of ice and stone rocketed towards the bottom of the mountain. Valerie closed his eyes.

Squish. Squelch. Fucking flattened like a pancake. Not Valerie, no, the plant abomination had caught the impact with its bulbous wriggling body. It looked like a green pumpkin after a neighborhood kid mashed it with a baseball bat. Thick tentacles writhed and stretched out, pawing fruitlessly against the craggy rock that had embedded itself in the beast’s core. Although their mental link had been severed Valerie felt pity for the creature, after all could you blame a snake for biting you when its aggression was preordained by nature? The abomination shuddered, sending out ripples of movement throughout the mountain as every last vine pulsed in agony. A groaning was heard, or rather felt. The sound didn’t propagate through the air, no it slithered through the minds of everyone present. A psionic death rattle of some ageless monstrosity filled their skulls with a heavy and pained sigh. Then, after was seemed like hours, everything was silent. No chittering tendrils, no psychic screams, and even the crumbling mountain stood quiet.

“Holy hell, is it over?” Karkat was the first to break the silence. The troll crawled out from underneath Grundy; who had sustained several bruises and lacerations to his back, but was overall none worse for wear.

“Not yet,” Tartaros said, “look up.”

Everyone followed the marine’s finger upwards. The snowbird’s escape had destabilized the integrity of the mountain. Even as they stood still fissures grew longer and longer, snaking their respective ways throughout the interior caverns. Vines which once added strength to the carved out walls now hung placid and withered. In destroying the beast they had ensured the destruction of this mountain and anything foolish enough to stay inside. “We’ve got to get out of here before the place comes down around our heads,” Tartaros said, and as if to punctuate him the mountain shook. Detritus crashed down, pelting them all with gravel.

Jade glanced over to the recovering prisoners. They looked weak, they were weak. Having spent Omni knows how long as that things personal batteries they appeared to have one foot in the grave. Above them still hung hundreds of bellflowers, too many to count. Their bioluminescence was fading, but they were still affixed to the walls with a network of vines and stalks. How long did they have? A few hours? A few minutes? As if hearing the mental question the mountain quaked again, and another wave of rocks and pebbles pelted them. Jade Harley turned back towards the group and with pleading eyes said, “we have to help them!”

“We don’t have time to help them, we’ll help the ones we’ve already freed. Let’s go.” Tartaros responded, already edging towards the exit.

The dog-eared girl bit her lip, “we just can’t leave them, we’re the good guys right? They need our help.”

“He’s right Miss Harley,” Valerie spoke, struggling to find the strength to speak. Grundy was carrying the battered mage on his back. Val’s eyes were bleak, and his tone even bleaker. The ever chipper mage took on a solemn voice and continued, “as unsavory as it is to admit, we can’t save them all. We’re all quite fatigued and injured, and there simply is no time left.”

“No,” Jade muttered, looking back towards those still imprisoned, “they’re going to die!”

Valerie sighed, not an annoyed sigh but one of sadness, “sometimes, sometimes people die Miss Harley, and… even here, sometimes they don’t come back. And sometimes there isn’t anything you can do to stop it.”

Tartaros shouted something which couldn’t be heard over the now constant rumbling of the mountain. Rock set to work ushering the freed trolls, dwarves, and miscellaneous prisoners towards the exit. Utter and absolute chaos once again enveloped the frozen cathedral. Jade turned her back on the others and set to work peeling the bellflowers from their walls and placing them gently on the ground. She just couldn’t leave them behind, it wasn’t right. A slicing sound was heard, like someone carving into a pumpkin on hallow’s eve. There Karkat was right beside her, carving into the plants and helping her free their unfortunate occupants. They exchanged glances and the troll scowled, “damnit Harley, this is dumb, real fucking dumb, but if your staying I ain’t leavin’.” The girl fought back tears and kept to work, but Val’s words echoed in her mind sometimes they don’t come back. As more prisoners were freed Rock helped escort them into the tunnel system, forming a line with Tartaros at the head.

Now that the vampiric roots were deposed the space marine could think with clarity. His wounds seemed to keep his focus as every step sent daggers into his chest. Mentally he reversed their path and realized that they had a long fucking way to go before they reached the exit. An absolute labyrinth of a place and it was about to become nothing more than a pile of misshapen rubble. Behind him his charge of thralls seemed to keep swelling and he noticed that none of his companions followed him. He let loose a string of profanity and started barking orders to the huddled masses. Looks like he had to play guide dog for this particular expedition, and although he had no desire to be crushed under a metric fuckton of rock he figured that at least he’d come back to life.

They worked feverishly, and yet the number of bellflowers still untouched was staggering. Jade felt her sense of Space wane and slip, she was getting tired, Everyone was getting tired. Hell everyone had been tired since about three hours ago. ANother series of reverberations rocked the stones and sent larger chunks of rock onto their heads. Bellflowers were shucked free from their perches and toppled to the depths below. A boulder, almost as large as the one that kill their plant monster, landed betwixt the group. Karkat yelled and cussed. From the tunnel entrance Tartaros shouted, “alright, you’ve done what you could, we need to leave now! ” Jade looked upwards, there was still so many left. Karkat grabbed her wrist and the two locked eyes. “Jade,” he began but was unable to fetch the rest of his sentence. Sometimes they don’t come back. She knew that he’d stick by her until the bitter end, but she also knew that he wasn’t a prime, that he couldn’t come back, that most of them couldn’t come back. “Fine,” she said.

Twisting tunnels lent themselves to a dizzying sense of vertigo. In the darkness hundreds of feet pattered against the crumbling floors. They moved as fast as they could given the state of them. Trolls and dwarves alike helped one another, for in these dark halls no one could afford an enemy. It was a maddening ascent, filled with uncertainty and fear. Every groan and creak of the caverns threatened to bring the whole thing down around them. More than once the walls shifted and gave way, forcing them to take another path. Then, against all odds, there was light. Cold and bitter, but it was light nonetheless. They were quite a distance away from the frigid pinprick, but it filled them with the strength to press forward. Even Valerie was up and walking at this point, stepping along in time with the others. They had to move almost single file as the tunnel grew narrower along its length.

There was a slipping of stone, it sounded like a low grade mulcher kicking into gear. Hard and rough one massive quake thundered throughout the caverns. A slab of stone towards the head of the group started to give way. Using her mental powers Jade reached out and attempted to grasp the falling slab. She faltered. It was just too heavy for her exhausted brain, she felt the craggy edges of it slip through her mental fingers like so many grains of sand. A roar shook the earth. It wasn’t the mountain, it was Solomon Grundy. Like a linebacker moving to intercept a runner Grundy plowed through the group. Upon reaching the slab he threw his hands upwards, and quite literally caught the ceiling. His monumental muscles bulged as he braced himself against the weight. Grundy yelled, “Go… Grundy not let rock squish you!” There wasn’t much room to get by him, but you’d be surprised at how flexible people can get if their lives depend upon it. Another rumbling shifted more weight onto the deadman and forced him to take a knee. Once everyone had passed him Grundy tried to move forward, but the weight kept him pinned. Jade yelled for him to come on, but he simply could not. His cold yellow eyes looked at them from the darkness, their bodies silhouettes in the curtain of light. “Bye bye Doggy Lady and Katcar…” the pressure made it harder than usual for him to speak, “bye, bye… friends.”

The mountain crumbled.

Outside the prisoners, now free, gasped for air and praised their escape. Light that precious commodity down below stung their eyes, but it was a happy pain. Everyone was worn down, injured, and ragged. For the first time in what was ages they had a break, a moment of reprieve. Valerie stretched outwards, letting the faraway sun lap at his green-tinted skin. It felt good. They had survived the wicked mountain, and done a great deal of good for the world in doing so.