11-02-2014, 08:39 PM
Lots to write. This is going to be badly organised. Especially since I'm writing this with my voice. XD
I did notice there were odd spots where people switched between tenses in an odd way. Like Neku's first post and Guu's first post. If you're switching between the tenses, you need to have a hard divide. Definitely not in the same paragraph. Obviously I'm guessing this is more of a typo than a stylistic choice though
All round, these posts were an interesting exhibition in the variety of tones and writing styles we have here on the Omniverse. It was funny breaking away from the serious posts of Déjà Vu to catch up with Desco and Guu in Baby Steps. I would say that Desco was the mediator of those tones and I enjoyed the midway point of being able to be serious and light-hearted in the same storyline.
In regards to Déjà Vu, I think you guys all did a great job of keeping the conversation between the characters ordered despite the inherently chaotic nature of a storyline with so many player characters. Especially given that you're all new to writing with each other. I know from experience that that's very difficult. So really great job on that, everyone.
One thing did strike me as odd particularly about the early fight, and that's that Neku decided to block a sword with his arm. Especially given that he's not particularly resilient. I felt like Nyeseth actually tried to sort of justify and make sense of that in the subsequent post. It would have made more sense for him to try and dodge and THEN get cut in the attempt rather than simply be like "I'm a tank it". It might have been meant in that way but it didn't come across.
I think you all did a good job of referencing your characters pasts without making it entirely incomprehensible to the layman. The only character of the bunch whose world I'm familiar with is Neku's (and it's been a long time since I played The World Ends with You) and to a lesser extent Desco's. The interaction of their varying perceptions of things like Demons and reapers were fun to read and a great use of the crossover setting. I managed to take away a little bit of something from each of the characters worlds just by reading their responses to the situation.
Nyeseth, I think you did a good job of keeping your fight action consistent and logical. I also managed to get a decent impression of Nyeseth's personality through his reactions. I do feel you could have slowed down and described the actions in a somewhat more literal form. Obviously the whole thing was pretty chaotic but I got pretty confused and couldn't visualise the whole thing. Like I said before, though, having a multiplayer fight make sense is real difficult for anyone and I think everyone did pretty good.
On to Guu's stuff. I was amused. The main problem I can extract was that combining it with the previous storyline was a bit problematic given that in Guu's story, several hours explicitly pass. But I suppose, OMNI PHYSICS. I also wasn't sure whether her summons or instantaneous or not. It was kind of glossed over so I can hand wave it and that's not a huge leap given the content of the posts I will admit, the Morgan Freeman comment caught me offguard and made me laugh hysterically. I have an odd sense of humour and all of your posts tickled it. This is without knowing anything about Hare and Guu. Overall I would say mission accomplished.
This has been a bit of a ramble but I hope this has been of some aid and I really look forward to seeing where all of these characters go.
I did notice there were odd spots where people switched between tenses in an odd way. Like Neku's first post and Guu's first post. If you're switching between the tenses, you need to have a hard divide. Definitely not in the same paragraph. Obviously I'm guessing this is more of a typo than a stylistic choice though
All round, these posts were an interesting exhibition in the variety of tones and writing styles we have here on the Omniverse. It was funny breaking away from the serious posts of Déjà Vu to catch up with Desco and Guu in Baby Steps. I would say that Desco was the mediator of those tones and I enjoyed the midway point of being able to be serious and light-hearted in the same storyline.
In regards to Déjà Vu, I think you guys all did a great job of keeping the conversation between the characters ordered despite the inherently chaotic nature of a storyline with so many player characters. Especially given that you're all new to writing with each other. I know from experience that that's very difficult. So really great job on that, everyone.
One thing did strike me as odd particularly about the early fight, and that's that Neku decided to block a sword with his arm. Especially given that he's not particularly resilient. I felt like Nyeseth actually tried to sort of justify and make sense of that in the subsequent post. It would have made more sense for him to try and dodge and THEN get cut in the attempt rather than simply be like "I'm a tank it". It might have been meant in that way but it didn't come across.
I think you all did a good job of referencing your characters pasts without making it entirely incomprehensible to the layman. The only character of the bunch whose world I'm familiar with is Neku's (and it's been a long time since I played The World Ends with You) and to a lesser extent Desco's. The interaction of their varying perceptions of things like Demons and reapers were fun to read and a great use of the crossover setting. I managed to take away a little bit of something from each of the characters worlds just by reading their responses to the situation.
Nyeseth, I think you did a good job of keeping your fight action consistent and logical. I also managed to get a decent impression of Nyeseth's personality through his reactions. I do feel you could have slowed down and described the actions in a somewhat more literal form. Obviously the whole thing was pretty chaotic but I got pretty confused and couldn't visualise the whole thing. Like I said before, though, having a multiplayer fight make sense is real difficult for anyone and I think everyone did pretty good.
On to Guu's stuff. I was amused. The main problem I can extract was that combining it with the previous storyline was a bit problematic given that in Guu's story, several hours explicitly pass. But I suppose, OMNI PHYSICS. I also wasn't sure whether her summons or instantaneous or not. It was kind of glossed over so I can hand wave it and that's not a huge leap given the content of the posts
I will admit, the Morgan Freeman comment caught me offguard and made me laugh hysterically. I have an odd sense of humour and all of your posts tickled it. This is without knowing anything about Hare and Guu. Overall I would say mission accomplished.This has been a bit of a ramble but I hope this has been of some aid and I really look forward to seeing where all of these characters go.
Curious about me and the characters I play? See the 'Staff' page! See also the rosters for my characters Samus Aran or Enel if you'd like to see examples of well-formatted rosters. Hope you enjoy the Omniverse!