09-16-2016, 04:00 AM
(This post was last modified: 09-16-2016, 04:00 AM by Kakashi Hatake.)
Variant A: Malfactor Redux by Gildarts
I enjoyed this thread very much! I'm not far enough into Fairy Tail to know anything about Gildarts as a character, but I very much enjoyed the way you portrayed him. Just, honorable, and a little bit oblivious at times =P. His relationship with Whompt was very entertaining, going from broing out and bonding by the river to fighting almost literally to the death, but still sharing a deep respect in the end. I think that too often writers tend to throw characters into boxes (Hero, Traitor, Damsel, etc.) and it kinda takes away from the plot; I really enjoyed that in the end Whompt wasn't out for the Malefactor to DESTROY EVERYTHING, so much as he just wanted it to like...be better at his job. Simple ambition is a lot more believable than inexplicable evilness, so I very much appreciated the "realness" of that.
One of the things I enjoy most about your writing is that the story always keeps me on my toes. I can never predict what's going to happen, which is a very good thing in this instance. From possessed T-rex to magical carnivorous rock, you always keep the reader guessing. Gil's sacrifice at the end is an example of this; there are a few ways this could have ended but from what I've gathered of his personality, this makes the most sense. Bravo there!
In terms of negatives, I can't really say much. There were a few errors in formatting here and there and there was a handful of typos, but nothing that really distracted be from the story overall. All easy mistakes that anyone could make so no big deal there.
Overall, excellent job! I look forward to following the continuing saga.
I enjoyed this thread very much! I'm not far enough into Fairy Tail to know anything about Gildarts as a character, but I very much enjoyed the way you portrayed him. Just, honorable, and a little bit oblivious at times =P. His relationship with Whompt was very entertaining, going from broing out and bonding by the river to fighting almost literally to the death, but still sharing a deep respect in the end. I think that too often writers tend to throw characters into boxes (Hero, Traitor, Damsel, etc.) and it kinda takes away from the plot; I really enjoyed that in the end Whompt wasn't out for the Malefactor to DESTROY EVERYTHING, so much as he just wanted it to like...be better at his job. Simple ambition is a lot more believable than inexplicable evilness, so I very much appreciated the "realness" of that.
One of the things I enjoy most about your writing is that the story always keeps me on my toes. I can never predict what's going to happen, which is a very good thing in this instance. From possessed T-rex to magical carnivorous rock, you always keep the reader guessing. Gil's sacrifice at the end is an example of this; there are a few ways this could have ended but from what I've gathered of his personality, this makes the most sense. Bravo there!
In terms of negatives, I can't really say much. There were a few errors in formatting here and there and there was a handful of typos, but nothing that really distracted be from the story overall. All easy mistakes that anyone could make so no big deal there.
Overall, excellent job! I look forward to following the continuing saga.
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