09-07-2016, 09:16 PM
Gonna be reviewing Helldiver, by Strazio Rockwell, using the Variant A format.
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Positives:
+ Description. The overall details of each of the three posts were very refined, giving me a clear image as to what is going on in each scene. I especially like the description of Dedan; the way he's basically an amalgamation of a lizard, bat, and human. Plus, he shares the name of my favorite asshole in Indie Gaming, so that's good too.
+ Interest. Not much actually happens in any of the three posts, but I didn't care because I was engaged the whole way. This is thanks to the remarkably interesting way the characters are characterized. Cicada's character is mostly conveyed through very dark internal monologues as well as through backstory. It's clear to me Cicada is not a hero, and neither is Dedan, who I like because he's Dedan. Seeing how Cicada reacts to things despite being a dark man himself is honestly a remarkable achievement, in my opinion, because there were so many ways he could've been made brooding and angsty and just make me not care. Good job for not doing that!
+ Originality. A bit of a personal opinion here, but I also just like how Cicada doesn't immediately get his ass torn apart by demons within the first post he enters the Underverse. Don't get me wrong, there's no problem with this, but it was a nice change of pace seeing someone NOT get his/her ass torn apart by demons.
Negatives:
- Grammar. It didn't kill my enjoyment, exactly, but I noticed that the writer is REALLY heavy on the commas, even in sentences where it makes more sense to use a period or a semi-colon. It sorta harmed the flow of the reading and caused me to do double takes a couple of times. This can be fixed through rereading and just adding periods and semi-colons in places where the commas are.
- Show, Don't Tell. I feel like, while the characterization is still solid, it would have been better if it didn't outright TELL me what each character was like and left me to decide for myself. I want to INFER that Dedan is arrogant by the way he talks and presents himself, and not just be told that!
-----------------------------------
Positives:
+ Description. The overall details of each of the three posts were very refined, giving me a clear image as to what is going on in each scene. I especially like the description of Dedan; the way he's basically an amalgamation of a lizard, bat, and human. Plus, he shares the name of my favorite asshole in Indie Gaming, so that's good too.
+ Interest. Not much actually happens in any of the three posts, but I didn't care because I was engaged the whole way. This is thanks to the remarkably interesting way the characters are characterized. Cicada's character is mostly conveyed through very dark internal monologues as well as through backstory. It's clear to me Cicada is not a hero, and neither is Dedan, who I like because he's Dedan. Seeing how Cicada reacts to things despite being a dark man himself is honestly a remarkable achievement, in my opinion, because there were so many ways he could've been made brooding and angsty and just make me not care. Good job for not doing that!
+ Originality. A bit of a personal opinion here, but I also just like how Cicada doesn't immediately get his ass torn apart by demons within the first post he enters the Underverse. Don't get me wrong, there's no problem with this, but it was a nice change of pace seeing someone NOT get his/her ass torn apart by demons.
Negatives:
- Grammar. It didn't kill my enjoyment, exactly, but I noticed that the writer is REALLY heavy on the commas, even in sentences where it makes more sense to use a period or a semi-colon. It sorta harmed the flow of the reading and caused me to do double takes a couple of times. This can be fixed through rereading and just adding periods and semi-colons in places where the commas are.
- Show, Don't Tell. I feel like, while the characterization is still solid, it would have been better if it didn't outright TELL me what each character was like and left me to decide for myself. I want to INFER that Dedan is arrogant by the way he talks and presents himself, and not just be told that!
![[Image: sanssig.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/369919416432984079/371386052931485708/sanssig.png)
i may be all alone
but i'm here to tell ya honey
that i'm bad to the bone
B-B-B-Bad to the bone
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