Official Move Approval IV

[Omni]

Dark Magic Blast – 600 OM (Requires Ranged Proficiency, Remote Control Proficiency, Ranged Materialize Proficiency, Homing Proficiency)
Sombra can fire a concentrated beam of reddish-black magic from his horn. This can take the form of a single beam or appear as any other ranged weapon Sombra imagines. Sombra can put more energy into each shot - the strength of which relates directly to how physically and mentally drained he is after the attack. If he chooses to create a Dark Magic weapon, it must be roughly the size of a pistol for a weak shot, or the size of a rifle for a charged shot. These weapons and projectiles will immediately dissipate upon his breaking his concentration for any reason. The bigger the weapon the more taxing it is to create. These can also home in on an opponent when fired,  meaning they can do some serious harm because they’d track an individual for about 20 seconds.

This says that they "can" home in on an opponent when fired. Does this mean it's a variable thing?

You need more detail in what these 'shots' look like as I'm assuming they're different from the beam.

Dark Magic Tethers  – 600 OM (Requires Debuff Proficiency, Requires Ranged Proficiency, Remote Control Proficiency, Ranged Materialize Proficiency)
In the same way that Sombra can manipulate objects in creative ways, he can also manipulate characters. Iron chains, ribbons of light, crushing snakes can all be used. In general, these tethers always accomplish the same goal: they slow a character down and they immobilize their arms. However, these shackles can be broken just like any other item: hitting, cutting and ripping free in a feat of strength are all options. Additionally, if he loses his concentration, the tethers immediately dissipate. The more energy he puts into these tethers, the harder they are to break but the more physically and mentally exhausted he becomes.

Does he summon these chains from himself or do they just appear? More detail please.

Dark Magic Grab – 300 OM (Requires Ranged Proficiency, Remote Control Proficiency, Ranged Materialize Proficiency, Dark Magic Tether)
When a Dark Magic Tether has successfully attached itself to an target, Sombra can then use that tether to move the target, be it Secondary or Prime. The bond can firmly grab, but not crush his opponent. The bond can move the target off of the ground and in all the cardinal directions. The Tether can be broken as usual.

I would roll this into the above move for less confusion as it's all part of the same technique.

Dark Magic Nova - 300 OM (This requires Ranged Proficiency and Debuff Proficiency  as well as Ranged Materialize,  Homing and Remote Control Proficiency and the Dark Magic Blast Move is also a requirement.)  

Dark Magic Nova creates a sphere of darkness in the air that can be controlled by King Sombra. When the orb is lifted into the air at a range of about 55 feet it will detonate and create a sort of ‘anti flash’ bang that makes people incredibly more sensitive to light and sounds around them. This takes about 7 and a half seconds for him to charge up. In short if he were to use a Flashbang with this it would be incredibly more devastating. It does pitiful damage, 30 second recharge.

Approved.

Wrote these a LONG time ago, probably time for me to actually submit them.


Resolute Brigade (600 OM variable)- area attack proficiency and debuff

The initial move begins by having a bullet-like deployment launched toward the enemy, it originally charges as a small weak energy orb (that is, upon and after impact the energy sort of dissipates as the initial deployment and impact has been fulfilled) much like a paintball, and will provide a kind of strong ‘stun’ but no real lethal physical damage. As many as seven are created in a round without a rest. Only one can be wielded at a time, however the speed that the energy orbs can be initiated and deployed can take as little as 8 seconds (to charge) and can be ‘thrown’ or launched in an enemy’s direction at decent speed from her palm.

When activated, this move can prove to be a long range distraction; as it is able to be fired from a distance of at most twenty yards. The user will hold the small orb that hovers above her fingertips, take aim, and launch them with a flick of the wrist, in a spiraled motion. The sphere of energy about the size of a tennis ball revolves itself in a propelling motion, the route it takes to get there is direct, and spirals swiftly to the targeted enemy.

The small orbs of energy can be charged while moving (but if the utmost accuracy is desired, precise focus would be required to initiate the attack). This move can just be used mainly as a distraction/ disorientation (stormtrooper style), as it is not a lethal move for the amount of small objects to be aware of and keenly predict at one time can be chaotic.

The underlying effect the orb has after it hits an enemy and makes contact (using Debuff Proficiency), would optimally slow down the impacted with a wave of “lethargy” that lasts for up to 30 seconds on a weaker target, on someone stronger or of equal strength [b]when two or more hit the target, which would cause the foe to stagnate in their place.[/b] - Please explain what exactly the lethargy is, it's kinda vague. We like a bit vague but this starts as 'lethargy' and ends as "if two or more hit the target, the foe 'stagnates'" in place. Is that a stun? I'm confused.

(Please note that the effect is lethargy and stagnation though the effect is meant to be one and the same).

Size of original orb: 2 inch radius

Small and light but quick through the air, feels like a solid mass upon impact. The numerical value of use, if more are used, more energy is emitted  will result in more of a drain on her energy. The orbs have one function, to go ‘forward’ and hit the enemy.

If this bullet-like energy ball does not impact upon a foe directly (ie misses or falls short), but hits the ground within range of a foe -2 feet of impact- that the energy ball has erupted into the ground (imagine a grenade), a wave of energy is emitted from the orb which causes a wave of dizziness that can last for up to 10 seconds. - all one sentence, break it up

Please give examples of the strength of lethargy against an equal strength opponent. In that case, thirty seconds of not being able to move would be far too much for a simple weak orb. Perhaps if multiple orbs hit, it could gradually add up to a total stun. Generally any move that completely stuns an enemy has to have pretty severe downsides, especially if it is at a range.

I like this stipulation. Updated accordingly. I think

Could you maybe cut down the description length and add some better delineation and keep it clear? Right now I'm not sure what part is variable, like whether these are two different attacks or just one. There's a line in there which says randomly "Size of original orb: 2 inch radius" I'm not sure whether this is supposed to be the end of the first description and the start of the second one or what.

I highlighted a few sentences they need a bit of proofreading.

Fireball (Ranged Proficiency, Buff Proficiency, Physical Strength), 600 OM

This is a basic fire element move, able of being used either for the purpose of dealing damage, or to give an elemental charge to a blade. In ranged Flavor, it is six inches in diameter, with no area of effect, nor can it be charged to be more powerful. In Buff form, it is used to heat the blade of Ebony's Katana, again, not able to be charged. It takes 6 seconds to charge, then can be fired as a non-homing shot with a range of twenty feet. It travels at about the speed of an arrow, but does only very minor damage, almost like touching a hot stove. It can be used,, in either variety, as the user is moving, though being hit will cause the user to lose focus and fail at the attack.  It can be used in either of the two ways mentioned.

For how long does it buff the katana? Buff proficiency is not required for this (see the proficiency description, it's only needed for buffing other characters).

Lightning Bolt (Ranged, Physical, Buff, Ranged Materialize) 600 OM

This attack is identical to the last one, except that its ranged attack is materialized as a  tiny lightning strike, not as a fired ball, again everything else is identical, and it can be used on the weapon as well, to increase damage.
Why not add this to the previous move and save 300 OM? Seems like it's the exact same effect for the buff, just heating the sword?

Blood Rage (Tier 1 Powered-Up Form) 1000 OM

This is a tier one transformation, useable only if you or your opponent is bleeding. If so, your speed and attack increase for the duration of the technique, ,while your def and technique drop by one, as you are attacking angry and not really worrying about any damage taken  It is very tiring, and the user will likely require rest afterwards. It can be held for multiple minutes and is uninterruptable, though each consecutive minutes takes more out of you, and if you hold it for more than about three minutes, you will collapse when you release it.

ATK: 7
DEF: 0
SPD: 7
TEC: 1

Approved. I feel obligated to say that 0 DEF puts you as easier to kill than an average civilian.

Carmelita

[spoiler]

Carmelita

Plastiglex Breaching Charge: How many of these does she have on-hand at a time?

For the rest, you can only have 5 moves pre-approved at one time. Let me know which ones you want me to look at and I’ll dig in.

Plastiglex Breaching Charge: One on her at any time. They're heavy.

As for the rest, I'd like to get pre-approved the STAPLED, the Rod, the Rocket and the Bubble. That makes five total. I'm getting some ready for the end of DA.

Thank you!

Approved!

Steel-Titanium Anti-Personnel Lockdown Electric Device - STAPLED (Stealth, Debuff) (300)
The Steel-Titanium Anti-Personnel Lockdown Emergency Device, or STAPLED is a device designed by Bentley for Carmelita. A small metal disk five inches in diameter, it can be dropped onto the floor during stealth mode without disrupting it like a direct attack would. When pressure is applied to the upper surface, the STAPLED erupts with bands of Steel-Titanium and entangles the thing that depressed it, provided the bulk of the target is less than eight feet tall and three feet in radius.
After the bands of Steel Titanium deploy, a light electric current passes through the bands, lightly frying electrical circuitry and attempting to shock the target into submission.
Obviously, a target tangled in the STAPLED is restrained as long as the physical bonds hold, reducing their effective speed until they break free or slip out of the bonds through other means.
To break free from the STAPLED using brute force requires a high strength or for the base to be damaged by a few decent hits. The device can be deactivated manually by toggling a switch on the underside. Once a device has been deactivated, it is functionally useless for anything beyond scrap.
Carmelita carries three of these on her at any one time, and only one can be deployed at a time. Due to how they bypass the stealth field disruption, only one can be deployed each time Carmelita engages her stealth cloak.

Is this usable with other moves?

Rod of Fish and Thunder (Physical Proficiency, Ranged Proficiency, Debuff, Utility) (900)
The Rod of Fish and Thunder is a small baton that can be used both in melee as a shock baton, at range as a taser and also as a trap.
The baton is a foot long and has a cap at one end that encompasses the top three inches. There are four buttons on the handle.
The first turns the Rod of Fish and Thunder on, and electrifies the cap, allowing for the baton to be used in close quarters fighting. The shock from the baton fluctuates so that it disorientates those hit by the weapon, causing them moments of confusion over the next ten seconds that decreases their effective technique (TEC) for the duration.
The second releases the cap off the end of the baton, transforming it into a piton. The piton is shaped so as not to puncture the skin, and trails behind it a twenty metre wire about five millimetres thick. This wire is vulnerable to being cut and prone to being broken under any decent attack. This mode allows the Rod of Fish and Thunder to be used at range, wrapping an opponent in the wire like a whip and shocking them with the same effects as the melee shocks. The twenty metre wire is more vulnerable but covers a larger area of the target, causing a much more noticeable drop in effective technique during the duration of shocking.
The third button launches the piton much further, up to a hundred metres in range. Whilst impractical for combat, the piton functions perfectly well as a grapple hook and the hundred metre wire is a non-conductive carbon-fibre composite. Fastening the baton to a secure place produces a wire strong enough to abseil, rappel or slide along, allowing for access to difficult to reach areas.
The fourth button magnetically returns the piton and returns it to cap function, rethreads the wires if broken and deactivates the shock function.

Does this do damage or just stun? How many uses does this have, or how draining is it on her stamina? Can she use other moves concurrently? Also, are you sure you want a 65 foot whip? That’ll be pretty unwieldy in combat.

Demolitions Firework (Tier 1 Super Move, Attack, Ranged, Area Attack) (1200[600+600])
Carmelita takes out six pieces from her belt pouches and assembles them into a large, bamboo firework akin to those used by the Panda King. Once assembled, the bamboo firework can be fired at any target with a clear trajectory within two kilometres. The bamboo firework travels along the arc at a velocity of forty metres per second, and spouts out huge sparks. Upon detonation, either by being shot or upon impact, the firework creates a three metre spherical explosion. This explosion will collapse buildings if a structural wall was within the blast radius, and will do considerable damage to any character caught in the blast radius.
Assembling two pieces takes a second, and Carmelita requires both hands to assemble the firework. This means that to assemble the firework takes five one second intervals in which Carmelita must have her hands free, and to launch the rocket requires an additional second to aim the trajectory. If the firework is shot while it is still in Carmelita’s hands, the move is cancelled and Carmelita takes minor burn damage.

The pricing on this confuses me. I only see a single use, so why is it priced 1200? As for the move itself, I’d ask that you decrease the range. Being able to hit people 2 kilometers away from you reliably with a Super Move is a little excessive.

Dreamtime Bubble (Tier 1 Super Move, Defensive, Area Shield) (1000[400+600])
Carmelita draws on her recollection of Murray’s dreamtime philosophy and creates a pink bubble around herself and anyone huddled up to her to deflect damage she would otherwise take.
While using the Dreamtime Bubble, Carmelita is suspended in the centre of a two metre sphere of pink energy, which can be knocked around and rolled about by outside forces.
Activating the Dreamtime Bubble takes a three second period. From the moment it is activated Carmelita must keep her eyes closed to keep the Bubble up and anyone within the Bubble cannot receive any non-visual outside stimulus. Upon opening her eyes, Carmelita has three seconds to roll the ball around herself before it pops. If there are additional characters within the ball, be they NPCs, Assists or PCs, they may roll the Dreamtime Bubble around like a hamster ball.

Similar to the above, the pricing confuses me here. It would only run you 600. Other than that, you’re approved.

[/spoiler]

Firstly, thank you for approving the Dreamtime Bubble and the Plastiglex Breaching Charge.

Secondly, I apologise for the odd costing. When writing the moves up I included the cost of the requisite powers that I don't have. The second number is the actual costing.

On to the moves:

The STAPLED interacts with Carmelita's other moves in two ways. Firstly, it does electrical damage (which can sustain her shock pistol debuffs) and secondly it holds opponents in place to be hit.

If it sustains a debuff you need to put the details of that debuff into the description.

The Rod of Fish and Thunder does damage in both fighting modes. The 'rod' does more damage, due to doing minor physical damage. Both of the modes should have an addendum of: "All electrical damage done by the Rod of Fish and Thunder, no matter the attack, is damage to the nervous system or equivalent. This damage is non-permanent and fades without the need for healing within an hour." The Rod itself has a ten second battery charge for its electricity. To recharge, it needs to be 'reset' for ten seconds. The 'whip' is like a fishing line, being cast out at opponents and twirled round them once they're caught (hence the title of the move).

It would probably help if you just reposted this with the whole description. Also, how long does it take to rewire it?

Demolitions Firework's range could be decreased to five hundred meters, but as it stands the Demolitions Firework travels at forty meters a second (travel time for 2km is fifty seconds) and is visible due to the bright sparks and horrendous noise. At its max range, the only things that are going to be hit are buildings and immobilized foes, so 'reliably' hitting at that range is unlikely. If you think the range should still be reduced, I will do so, but I could instead add a clarification of the above.

It's okay.