Reb's Free C&C

[Blink]

http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...9#pid70779

I figured I could use some feedback as to how I'm doing as Frisk in OSburb.

This is the first post, and the one I would like you to C&C. Be as constructive as you want, and as critical as you please!

+PURPOSE. I feel like you really nailed the goal of this roleplay. Some people have a misconception that every roleplay needs to be grandiose or epic. Or the opposite: they think every roleplay only needs to be 50 words of nonsense. But you went in with a very simply goal of having Frisk inventory her list and she did just that.

+FLOW. The roleplay moved very nicely from point to point. You split up your paragraphs where it made sense for the reader to change their thought process. Also, just

+NARRATOR. Your narrator is hilarious. I aspire to have my narrator be half as interesting as this. Especially when he was explaining how she acquired (or didn't acquire) everything.

+NO EXPLANATION REQUIRED. You didn't need to explain going in what happening (or going to happen). The reader was able to use very well-utilize context clues to follow along with not only what was happening, but what might have happened leading up to this.

+HIDDEN MESSAGE. Like the above point, I feel like you did a good job of explaining what was REALLY happening without actually explaining it. Frisk was making a birthday party for herself and nobody was coming. She was hyping herself up with this party, but the reality was the only friends she had were the 10 'internet friends.' The best part about this is that you never solidly explained this...the reader is able to figure out for themself based on your clues. On the surface, this is a happy roleplay. Underneath, it's kinda sad.

+ADDICTIVE. I kept reading the thread when I was done. I'm not finished with it but I will. You got a fan in me.

Nothing negative to say. The post did what it was intended to do with no hang-ups. I feel useless not being able to find anything to criticize.

***** stars, bro.


Disclaimer: This is all my opinion as a reader.