Curiosity Questions...

[Trixie]

Each of these questions is worth an essay, but I'll try to summarize.

1. I don't understand why people seem to stick around in relationships that aren't at all good for them. Why do people do that?

There is a lot...A LOT...of unseen interactions in romantic relationships. People who don't live in that couple's house have no idea what kind of stuff happens when they aren't being observed by the world. People have a habit of complaining about the bad in their lives, and only rarely talk about the good (ironically because there's usually a fear it will be interpreted as boasting.)

For friends and family who only ever hear the woe and tears in a relationship might genuinely believe that their friend is in an abusive or toxic pairing, and their heart is in the right place, no one should presume to have all the ins and outs of a given relationship. People fall in love for a reason; those reasons don't just disappear when stress and resentment start piling up.

In short, it may seem odd and look like a bad relationship, but don't be so quick to judge. You don't know everything.

Months later I'm going to disagree with the sentiment that because you fell in love means it won't just fall apart. My ex hit 30 and lost her social security and decided that having me in her life was something she couldn't deal with anymore. That on top of just being an abusive person caused the final bridge to collapse. When you always feel like you're on eggshells: No. Matter. What. This could even be after a romantic evening or sex. You feel like you've wronged her or done something horribly wrong all the time it begins to build and become a way of thinking. Keeping men around who want nothing but to fuck her and ruin the relationship/inviting ex-fiance's into the house without even regarding how it might make me feel. These are not things someone who loves you does. I get having friends with benefits and y'know...being friends with them, but they should at least respect a relationship right? She didn't make any effort to make me feel like I was wanted around. I was always in the way and she was always "Well I'm a cunt so you need to accept me."

Well every time I made my concerns known it was spun so that she was victim. Even when she let her ex-fiance, whom she said she hated, in the house it was my fault. When your significant other burns the bridge of communication so that you can only suffer in silence then you know something is wrong. 

I learned this the hard way and 4 years of my life is gone. Alex, Ganon, Violet, and others helped drag me out of the hole, but they know how devastated I was. 

When you develop stockholme syndrome, recognize you have it, and go "This is fine." There is a serious problem.