01-23-2017, 11:58 PM
The Issue
With the popularity of human racing in Flandarz booming, the growing number of retired racing humans being abandoned on the streets has become harder to ignore. As irresistibly cute pictures of sad-looking humans fill up the pages of newspapers, the time has come for government action.
The Debate
“We’re overflowing with humans here!” exclaims Fleur Chen, owner of the Sunrise Human Retirement Lodge. “And we just don’t get enough donations from the public to house them all. We’re now facing a choice between turning away humans, or putting them down. It’s the human racing industry’s fault we’re in this situation - make them pay for homing the humans they cast off.”
Accept
“Not far enough!” declares animal-rights protestor Elizabeth Lincoln, wearing a human costume to show her sympathy for their plight. “There’s only one reason that humans get abandoned in the first place, and that reason is human racing. These poor creatures get cooped up in a cage all day and are virtually starved so they race well, all to line the pockets of some avaricious gambling bosses. The solution is obvious - ban human racing!”
Accept
“Hold on! Flandarz has a powerhouse Gambling Industry – do you really want to give it all up because of some humans?” asks Katniss Ho, owner of the Dragmire’s Fortress Human Stadium. “What we need is less regulation - so we can race the animals more often, and draw more punters in. Besides, the humans love to race - at least compared to the beatings.”
Accept
“There’s a better solution to this all,” suggests animal shelter volunteer Mary Thiesen, as she fixes a leash to a human. “There is a problem, but it isn’t with the human racing industry; it’s that not enough people are adopting humans. All we need is a national campaign to persuade people to adopt a human - and you can set them an example!” Handing you a grizzled old human, she finishes, “Here’s Buddy.”
Accept
With the popularity of human racing in Flandarz booming, the growing number of retired racing humans being abandoned on the streets has become harder to ignore. As irresistibly cute pictures of sad-looking humans fill up the pages of newspapers, the time has come for government action.
The Debate
“We’re overflowing with humans here!” exclaims Fleur Chen, owner of the Sunrise Human Retirement Lodge. “And we just don’t get enough donations from the public to house them all. We’re now facing a choice between turning away humans, or putting them down. It’s the human racing industry’s fault we’re in this situation - make them pay for homing the humans they cast off.”
Accept
“Not far enough!” declares animal-rights protestor Elizabeth Lincoln, wearing a human costume to show her sympathy for their plight. “There’s only one reason that humans get abandoned in the first place, and that reason is human racing. These poor creatures get cooped up in a cage all day and are virtually starved so they race well, all to line the pockets of some avaricious gambling bosses. The solution is obvious - ban human racing!”
Accept
“Hold on! Flandarz has a powerhouse Gambling Industry – do you really want to give it all up because of some humans?” asks Katniss Ho, owner of the Dragmire’s Fortress Human Stadium. “What we need is less regulation - so we can race the animals more often, and draw more punters in. Besides, the humans love to race - at least compared to the beatings.”
Accept
“There’s a better solution to this all,” suggests animal shelter volunteer Mary Thiesen, as she fixes a leash to a human. “There is a problem, but it isn’t with the human racing industry; it’s that not enough people are adopting humans. All we need is a national campaign to persuade people to adopt a human - and you can set them an example!” Handing you a grizzled old human, she finishes, “Here’s Buddy.”
Accept