Omnidimension Neptunia

[Roger Smith]

"......hold up a second, and then put it back down and hold up about a hundred more of them. I think I have something stupid in my ear." Adam held up both hands in the international 'hold the fuck up' gesture, shaking his head. "Because to me, it just sounded like you just said your big plan is to go hunt a dragon and record it, and turn it into some big promotional stunt video to draw attention to your fancy new island-thing that you just pulled out of the ocean and which may or may not be inhabited by all manner of crazed animals and beasts of questionable sentience and danger level, but which clearly make the entire place uninhabitable for anyone without sufficient combat capability and strength to back it up or a very well-equipped guard force for each settlement, OR outright genocide and clearing the island of hostiles."

He paused for breath after his massive run-on sentence, letting his hands drop as he closed his eyes. "....that about the size of it?"

"Dragon hunting. Yep!"

Adam's hands slowly went to his eyes, the arms they were attached to trembling in some bizarre cocktail of exasperation, anger and sheer unfiltered disbelief. "I am currently trying to process how this entire situation could be even more random and dangerous, but I just can't. Barring quite literal divine intervention — WHICH, much as it really, really ticks me off, I am no longer capable of, therefore ruling it out quite nicely, barring, of course, the whims of some capricious possibly-deity that may and or may not be composed entirely of marshmallow fluff and stolen teeth — I just can’t fathom any way this could possibly be any more of a harebrained scheme than it is at current.” He spun on one heel, turning his head skyward as he stared at nothing in particular. “And I do stress ‘scheme’ because of the hilarious irony of this entire thing actually being very systematic and with a clear goal in mind but being completely ludicrous in going about reaching said goal.”

“And now. There are dragons involved. Because every adventure needs dragons.” He turned slowly to look back over his shoulder. “I did not expect to have my day involve dragons in any way, shape, or fashion when I was kicked out of bed this morning.” There was a dull gleam on his glasses, hiding his eyes from view, but the nondescript frown on his features spoke volumes about what the look in them might have been. “Never dealt with them before. Never had the chance. Never really WANTED to have the chance, really. Fought some dinosaurs, though. Quite a few dinosaurs, really….entirely too many, if I’m being honest.” A thought seemed to occur to him. “Dragons anything like dinosaurs, by chance?”

“Weeeeell…..”

“Right yes of course, I figured.” Adam immediately held up one hand in the ‘i get it before you even said it’ gesture, waving off whatever was about to be said. “So. Guess I’m going dragon hunting.” He patted the lightsaber hilt at his side. “Good thing I never go anywhere without at least three implements of horrible bloody murder on me at all times. Because as we all know, the only way to counter horrible bloody murder attempts directed at you, is with horrible bloody murder attempts directed at the horrible bloody murderer trying to horribly bloody murder you.” He paused for a moment, counting on his fingers. “....think I said it enough. Yeah. Right, so. Dragon. Lead the way, aforementioned flying candy-haired child who apparently owns a katana.”

It was only a moment later that something occurred to Adam. “....why is it called an Ancient Dragon, anyway? And why is it capitalized? Is that just a specific type or species of dragon, or...is it just a dragon that’s really old? ….combination of the two? Just bizarre naming conventions? Does it breathe concentrated old instead of fire?” He scratched his head. “....none of that even really matters does it?”